Escape Artist
by restfulsky5
Summary: The first five months of Captain Kirk's five year mission has gone immeasurably well. His friendships are intact. His crew is incredibly faithful. His past has remained hidden. Until now, when he is attacked to limit his performance as captain, and others are dependent upon his survival. Tarsus. Hurt!Jim. Jim/Carol romance. Jim/Spock friendship. COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek or any of its characters.

AN: I confess I'm a bit nervous sharing this, and I so hope it's enjoyable to you all as I continue to update this story. I'd love a willing beta reader or two, especially one well-versed in the more technical side of ST.

UPDATE: Thank you for your reviews (which have been helpful and encouraging!), follows, and favorites. I appreciate them all! I will be posting the next chapter soon. :)

* * *

Chapter One

The bridge crew had just finished singing. Bones warned him about this celebration yesterday, when they'd both been worn and tired from their returning visit to a flora-filled moon. Bones had Jim carrying oodles of plants in test viles and boxes he wanted to examine. They'd taken the ship's biologist and an ensign as well but unfortunately, they reacted to an allergy to one of the flowers, even with gloves. The twelve hours of constant itching and burning ceased only due to the Enterprise's head medical advisor- Bones. Worrying about those two and running away from an attacking snake-like vine had hit his reserves and Jim could hardly protest.

He'd not had a birthday party since he was five, and that was the only one he remembered ever having. It was touching, slightly embarrassing, but he was determined to try to enjoy it all.

Sulu tossed him a box. "Happy Birthday, Captain." Chekov, another.

"Wait, aw man, Sulu, Chekov," Jim muttered. His friends knew he didn't want pomp and circumstance and even a gift unnerved him. _Let alone the singing._

"Jim, just open them already. And then we can eat your cake." Bones had a stupid grin on his face.

"Cake?" You've got to be kidding me. He couldn't concentrate to open his gifts when they were throwing cake at him._ I hate cake_. He'd take leftovers to the poor ensign and biologist recovering in sickbay.

"Carol made it, you know," Sulu winked. The fencing master already knew of his slight obsession with her. He sat in the mess hall next to Sulu just to appease Bones and to see Dr. Marcus from far away.

"That won't even tempt him to try it," Bones snickered.

Jim took that as a challenge. He looked at Carol Marcus. "I'd love to have a piece of my cake." His smile came easily as she beamed at him.

"Seriously? You'll eat her cake but not the cake I made for you each year at the Academy? What kind of a friend are you," Bones complained.

"One who apparently does not like your cooking," Spock said. The bridge was silent. Then Uhura busted out laughing, then Sulu, and all the rest of them.

_Spock had cracked a joke. Ha. Now there's the birthday present of the century._ He smiled to himself as he opened his presents and awaited that cake. It came as he thanked his "guests."

The candles were lit and all he wished for as he blew them out was the happiness of his crew.

Uhura cut a piece for him, handing it to him with a grin. "I knew you'd eat this. A man who doesn't like dessert made by his roomie will love one baked by a pretty woman."

He rolled his eyes. "That's not why I'm eating it." Carol frowned. _Oh boy._ "I mean, you're not pretty."

"Jim! What's wrong with ya, man?"_ You got me, Bones._

"Oh, sorry...Um, I mean..you're beautiful, not just pretty, but I really want to eat this cake..." He bit his lip, twirling the fork in the icing._ What did I just say? Jim Kirk does not bumble when he talks to a woman._

He bit into the awaiting piece then, just as the alert rang through the bridge.

"Captain, we are receiving a message from an unknown source." Spock had not left his board as the celebration ensued.

"Try the red button." Jim chewed the cake mercilessly. It was the best dessert he'd ever had.

"Captain, there are numerous red buttons here. To which one are you referring," Spock asked.

"Fifth from the left, second row down."

"I have not been informed of this...button." Spock stated.

"No, I just put the sequence in yesterday. After we had that problem..."

"Captain, it is not working." Spock didn't let him finish. "It is still unknown."

"Keptin, it's overtaking our system."

"I have a bad feeling about this," murmured Sulu. "I got nothing, either."

Jim sat in the commanding chair, straighter as he shrugged off his light-heartedness of the party._ What is this..._

The bridge darkened as the power surged then fell away. Five seconds passed, Jim barking orders to Spock and Sulu. They managed to return their power and with it, a message glowed on the screen. It blinked a few words, than swiped itself blank and blinked another.

The first words:_ Are you enjoying your cake..._

and the last: _JT?_

* * *

_JT?_

A plate shattered on the floor. The Captain's.

McCoy hightailed it to Jim before Spock left his station.

"Doctor, why is the captain not catching his breath?" Spock knelt in front of the captain while McCoy ordered Jim to breathe.

"He is having a panic attack." McCoy said reading his tricorder. "Breathe, Jim. Get that off the screen, Spock!"

"Chekov, please do everything you can to remove that message."

The captain's choking brought Dr. Marcus to Jim's side. She murmured to him.

"Panic attack." Spock lifted an eye at the doctor's evaluation.

After another ten seconds of seeing Jim in pain, and neither McCoy nor Marcus able to get Jim to calm down, Spock pressed his fingers on Jim's neck.

_Jim, you're safe._

_Spock? He found me._

_Who?_

_I can't tell you. Can't breathe._

_You don't have to tell us. We need you to be our captain, Jim._

He pressed lightly, not forcing his way into Jim's menagerie of memories, but a fierce attempt to help the captain relax. Jim gasping turned into wheezing, then choking.

_Let us help you. We are your friends._

_Friends. Yes. You are my friend._

Jim took shorter breaths, eyes no longer glassy but still unfocused. Dr. Marcus brought him water. McCoy tipped it to his mouth and most of it missed Jim's mouth, but it brought his attention back to the bridge.

"Hurts," Jim rasped. He licked his lips.

"Give him that sedative, Dr."

Jim shook his head. "No, I'll be fine." He waved them away, but no one moved. Another gasping breath, and McCoy brought the hypospray down on Jim's neck with practiced precision. The Captain's battle for oxygen lessened.

"Security," Spock said, "Help get Captain Kirk to sickbay. Immediately." Jim was not unconscious yet but his reflexes slower. He could not get himself out of the hold McCoy and Spock had him in.

It was an reaction not so unfamiliar, and why McCoy had kept spares of the things Jim Kirk needed since he brought him on the Enterprise for the first time.

* * *

The next day, Jim Kirk came back with a vengeance. He would not answer anything about the message on the bridge and he was as diligent in his duties as ever. Spock could not help to think the worst was about to come, but even McCoy would not cooperate.

"A slow, boiling pot," Uhura had responded to him as he shared his thoughts. "I do not know what the name "JT" means to Jim, but it could certainly pertain to him, Captain James Tiberius...Kirk."

"You are correct. I am certain it's a message for him. It is quite unfortunate that we seem to be at his mercy to inform us when he is ready."

"Ever since I met Jim Kirk, he has beat the odds, challenging my impression of him. This is just one more missing piece."

"Uhura," Spock was set to agree with her, but she rushed into a torrent of words.

"And you, you have to be the most confounded. He's bested you, overcome you with his wit and intelligence, made the first attempts at friendship with you- yet you struggle to understand him. I do not think, now, that it is your fault. It's Jim, and all the layers of himself. And I want to help you understand him." She laughed. "I guess this means I have to forgive him for all the flirting he did with me."

"Obviously, you are taken in by his... charm." Spock said, using the word he'd heard the young ensigns use to describe their captain. He had to agree, having seen this human characteristic the prerequisite for reporters following Jim's saving earth to hail him a hero in every good light. And again when news leaked of some mysterious illness Captain Kirk was healed of, even though his journey to a clean bill of health was months, he was hailed as a hero for weeks on end, to Jim's chagrin.

"Your dry humor could be confused with jealousy." Uhura teased. "You have to admit, he's created more peace treaties in our five month journey than most captains twice his age have in their lifetimes. His presence just calls for it, Spock. And those eyes, electrifying, magnetizing..."

"Uhura."

"What, Spock?" Her expression was wide and innocent as they walked together after their shift on the bridge.

"Stop."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek.

AT: Thank you for your reviews, favorites, and follows. This coming week, I should be able to update with a few more chapters. HUGE thanks to DLB48, my first beta reader, for saving this story from numerous atrocities. Your assistance has been amazing with the story!

* * *

Chapter Two

His own shift had ended but Jim did not leave the command chair.

He observed Spock and Uhura's exit, envious their lot in life did not encompass a madman at the moment.

Kodos had boarded the Enterprise with a haunting presence. Only the constant faithfulness and murmur of the bridge calmed the paranoia setting in Jim.

Taking his PADD in hand for the duration of what would otherwise be an uneventful next few hours, Jim fashioned strategies for dealing with the million ways Kodos the Executioner could reach him. Obviously, he knew where he was. Years ago Kodos had vowed publicly at the trial to learn the name of the boy who had escaped the slaughter with other children- and to give him a slow, torturous death.

The unthinkable happened after Kodos was en route to prison. He escaped.

And now, the man had struck out where Jim was vulnerable. It stirred a rage in Jim, matching the anger he had for Kahn.

It was highly probable that Kodos knew the whereabouts of the other eight individuals who had identified his face. Instead of taking only the first play in this game, the ex-governor had played two.

_Meanwhile, I have nothing to play except the resignation of my captainship to ensure the safety of my crew._

"Captain?" It was Carol. He'd not noticed she had stayed past the duration of her shift as well. His distraction could not be deemed that unusual, considering.

"Dr. Marcus," said Jim, noticing a paleness about her face. "I do believe you overextended your shift."

"As have you," she softly responded. "I'll return to my quarters if you do." She said this teasingly, and his heart jumped at the slight concern she had for him.

He nodded. "Very well."

Their walk was silent. Not awkward, but- comfortable.

Kirk walked Dr. Marcus to her door. He looked at his feet, suddenly remembering he had not thanked her for the birthday cake.

"Dr. Marcus," he gave her a smile. "Please forgive me for not thanking you for the cake. I enjoyed it."

"You're welcome, Captain Kirk."

"Call me Jim."

Her mouth softened. "Jim. And I'm Carol."

"Carol." He grinned at her, wanting to pull out the charm but he did not know what else to say. _I can't buy her a drink. I don't want to buy her a drink. I just want to stand here and look at her._

"Goodnight...Jim." She slipped into her quarters. Jim stood there for a moment, wondering how the science officer affected him in such a way. It was unexplored territory, a metaphor for the journey he and Enterprise were taking.

_If I survive Kodos, I do believe I will do my best to rectify that situation- someday_. It was a glimmer of hope Jim held on to as he returned to his own quarters, even though the final hours of his break were as sleepless as ever as he planned to resign soon.

Having paced his bedroom for several more hours and finding himself, oddly enough, repeating Shakespearean lines in his head to pass the time- Jim was relieved to hear his comm.

"Commander Spock to Captain Kirk."

"Yes, Commander." Jim checked the time. _Oops._

"You are needed on the bridge."

"I will be right there."

"It's about time," Bones muttered in Jim's ear as they both walked towards the lift. The doctor had met him there, the good friend he is.

"I'm going to have to tell them, Bones." _After I resign. Bones will have a fit._

"Kid, I'm sorry." Bones understood that Jim referred to his crew. McCoy's frustration mirrored the defeat Jim felt deep within his soul.

"I can't do it, though. I've always known that."

"Um, so, how you propose telling them about your crappy holiday on Tarsus IV without telling them? That's like, flying a ship without a ship!"

"I recorded a message awhile ago in case something like this would happen. I'll let you hypo me so while I sleep you can show it. That's what the box I gave you is for. It reveals more than just words." His eyes showed Bones the raw emotion Jim Kirk never laid before anyone else but him.

"Jim, no!"

"Bones, please don't..." Jim stopped when they reached the bridge.

"Here," McCoy gave him a protein bar and a cup of ice. "It's obvious you haven't slept since that lovely message nor have you eaten. I need you to get to medical when you can. Okay?"

Jim took a step but Bones grabbed his arm, turning both their backs towards the bridge crew. "What," Jim whispered to his friend. "You almost spilled my ice."

"Don't do anything brash."

"That's highly improbable."

"You're holding up better than I figured, which is a surprise. I'm worried for you though I should be worried for us. I got a bad feeling," Bones murmured.

"So do I. Will you let go of me? I'll be fine. You're attracting an audience."

* * *

Spock and Sulu caught the exchange between Captain Kirk and Dr. McCoy in the lift.

"Commander, Lt. Sulu," the Captain said as he passed them by to get to his command chair. He chewed his ice loudly, then winked at Uhura when she threw him an exasperated look.

"What was that all about?" Sulu questioned Spock quietly.

"Trouble. If I have to leave the bridge," Spock spoke into his ear, "and the captain is incapacitated you have the conn."

"Yes, sir." Sulu replied.

"Captain, we are being hailed by Starfleet Command. Admiral Cartwright is seeking a conference." Uhura acknowledged the reason Spock called Jim to the bridge.

"Go ahead, Uhura."

Spock noted the tension in Admiral Cartwright's shoulders immediately.

"Captain Kirk."

"Admiral." Jim nodded respectfully.

"Let me cut to the chase, Kirk. We were hailed by an enemy of the Federation one hour ago, ex-governor, Kodos the Executioner, of Tarsus IV. Unless an unnamed ring leader gives himself up within 24 hours, the allusive SOB is planning to kill those who had testified against him shortly after his capture. This ring leader, whom we know was a kid himself but could not locate during Kodos' hearing, managed to rescue and save children- those individuals who made up the infamous Tarsus 9 during Kodos' martial law. If the ring leader does not reveal himself on Revlair, a planet we know next to nothing about, he will begin to kill the other eight of the Tarsus 9, one by one." The Admiral paused, allowing Spock to speak.

"Admiral, are any of the other individuals of the Tarsus 9 under military protection yet? If so, and they cooperate, we could find this ring leader."

"Unfortunately, we know the locations for only three and have yet to bring them in. Kodos is holding hostage one of the Nine already, Kevin Riley. When you watch the video yourself, you will hear Riley acknowledge who he is but courageously deny before Kodos knowing the name of the ring leader. All we know about Revlair is this- it's an ice planet within reach of the Enterprise." The monitor divided to show a muted video of Kodos speaking on one side, the Admiral on the other.

"Kodos told us nothing else, other than this message had to be given to each Starfleet ship, beginning with the Enterprise. Therefore, we now have a serious situation at hand, Kirk, and if you have any inclination as to who this leader is, now's the time to tell us."

"Sir, in the event that we find this leader, what would you like us to do?"

The strain in the captain's voice prompted Spock to observe Kirk. _I do not like what I see._ Kirk's hands gripped the arms of the command chair until his knuckles were white and shaking. The short and shallow breaths deprived the captain of the oxygen his body needed to function properly, and the sweat was a nuisance Kirk wiped with his sleeve. _He is well-likely headed towards another panic attack._

"Admiral," interrupted Spock, "pardon my interruption, but I require a moment to converse with Captain Kirk."

"Commander Spock," the Admiral said reluctantly. "One minute. We don't have time to spare."

"I understand, Admiral. Thank you." The monitor faded to black.

Spock stationed himself in front of Captain Kirk.

"What is it...Spock?" Captain Kirk's head rested on his hand. A trembling hand.

"You are unwell."

"No, no...I'm good."

_I could quite accurately predict such an illogical response from our captain at such a critical moment._

"No, you are not. Doctor, please inform Jim the signs he is showing are similar to the panic attack he had a few days ago."

"He's right, Jim. You don't look too good." Dr. McCoy frowned at his tricorder. "It's more than a panic attack, Jim, and- "

"Uhura," Kirk interrupted, "please put the Admiral..." As the Captain lifted himself out of command chair, he weaved then collapsed.

"Lieutenant, do not listen to the Captain." Spock ignored the blame-like glare Kirk sent his way and relayed the logic he knew to be sound and of assistance. "Your attempt to sit up and give attention to what is at hand is failing, Captain. I insist that Dr. McCoy takes you to sickbay."

"Fine." Kirk threw a response at him he did not expect. "Spock, I'll need a full report, in sickbay, even if it is on my deathbed! And Bones, if you come near me with a hypo that is even close to a sedative..." The Captain's threat dangled.

"Commander, Admiral Cartwright is hailing us again," said Uhura.

"One moment, Lt," Spock said. When Jim wilted even in his chair, Spock lifted him, his hand encircling Jim's waist and placing Jim's arm over his shoulder. "Doctor..."

"Jim, it's highly unlikely to avoid one of those with you, but I'll try."

"Thank you, Commander Spock, for being so attuned to the captain's well-being," a soft-spoken Dr. Marcus said.

Spock graciously accepted. "You are welcome."

He gave the Captain to Dr. McCoy. "Dr. Marcus, would you please help Dr. McCoy take the Captain to sickbay."

"Certainly, Commander," agreed Dr. Marcus. She was slight, but as strong as Uhura.

" 's not 'mander, 's At'n Cap'n." Kirk grasped Dr. McCoy's shirt as he leaned into the doctor's chest. "Spk, uvgta da con."

Spock exchanged a look with McCoy at the slur of Jim's words. The doctor shook his head.

"Tricorder shows he's been drugged, Spock. It doesn't look good," murmured McCoy. Dr. Marcus' face paled, but she did not struggle with her share of the burden.

_She cares for Jim- deeply. Amidst this all, I find that quite gratifying to know._

"Do everything you can, Dr. McCoy. Meanwhile, assure him the Enterprise is being taken care of."

"Of course."

"Uhura, inform security of the breach and resume the conference with Admiral Cartwright."

The Admiral's face reappeared.

"I apologize for the delay, sir."

"Spock, where is Kirk?"

"Admiral, the Captain has been drugged and is being taken to sickbay. He has advanced me to Acting Captain."

The Admiral slammed his fist. "This just makes this situation even worse. And I'll be honest with you- Kodos has to be behind that drug."

"Please explain, Admiral."

"Kodos gave Starfleet Command explicit instructions that if this Tarsus hero, for whom we don't even have a name, does not turn himself in, Kodos' ships will fire on the Enterprise. As you are on your five year mission and any type of aid is more than 18 hours away, I fear you are on your own. He gave me your coordinates. He knows where you are. This ice planet, Revlair, is within a reach of 24 hours. If you don't succeed those eight individuals of the Tarsus Nine will die and the Enterprise will be destroyed."

* * *

Memphis always blended in. Even on Tarsus, he'd just been "that friend." James T. Kirk had not noticed him, not even when he first came to the planet and saw Memphis hang out with William, JT's cousin.

Yes, Memphis was absolutely normal. Nothing about him terribly different. Except when Kodos agreed to remove him from JT's hopeless rescuing. Kodos helped train Memphis to become more than just a survivor.

And now, Kodos would be even more pleased with Memphis. The deed was done. As JT was guided through the corridor and passed Memphis, he saw the distress on Dr. McCoy's face.

James T. Kirk was about to lose all, just like Memphis had.

The obliteration of what JT holds dear was the climax of Memphis' hard work. The entrance to the Academy, reaching status as a member on the Enterprise.

He'd done it.

For her.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek.

AT: This is the start of lots of Hurt!Jim. Lots of angst the next few chapters. Chapter 6 may or may not have a different flavor, but you'll have to see. ;) Again, thanks to DLB48 for beta reading- your advice has been priceless! Thanks for the continued favs/reviews/follows. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

Chapter 3

Jim, staring at the ceiling, contemplated in a continuous circle of thoughts all that he remembered happening to get him to sickbay. An important conversation from an admiral, cussing, a less-than-pleasant walk to the biobed, and an endless series of hypos. He vaguely recalled a singularly cute blonde-haired woman making him put his arm around her shoulder.

"Bones?"

"Yes, Jim."

He couldn't see McCoy from where he lay, but he spoke again anyways. "You remember when you told me before, think of good things in your life, when Tarsus pops up?"

"Uh, Jim, you know..."

"I think of Dr. Marcus and her smile." The confession slipped easily from his lips. He almost smiled thinking of her smile.

"Does she know that?" _I swear, Bones will never stop using that sarcasm._

"Even if she did, she is the type of girl who wouldn't mind helping an invalid," Kirk replied in a whisper.

"You're not an invalid." Bones said, hurting Kirk's ears with his sharpness now that he loomed over his body.

"I was once, and she did come and help me get in that forsaken wheelchair," he murmured. " 'member?"

"Jim, that was not nice bringing your death to my mind. Why don't you poke me with a pitchfork and pour a bucket of lemon juice on it." Bones grimaced.

"Indeed, Jim, that event was most terrifying for many of us." The voice held such sympathy, it hurt.

_This universe hates me._

"Tell me she's not standing right..."

"She certainly is." A hypo touched his neck. "And you're making quite the fool out of yourself."

"That's not terribly unusual when I'm in here."

"True, but now you have to behave."

" 'm sorry, Carol." Jim purposely shifted his head away from her. "Didn't wantcha to find out this way."

_Figures._

"Just rest, Jim." Her hand brushed his forehead. It made him think of being a kid. Those few times when his mom cared for him when he was sick, before Frank came in the picture. _Frank. Car. Famine._

In a split second, Jim pushed himself up to a sitting position. Not a good idea. Someone placed a basin in front of him just as he heaved. These thoughts of Tarsus, they're important. _Why? Something on the bridge._

"Jim, lie down!" Bones thundered as Jim.

"Can't. The bridge."

"Spock has the conn. Now lie down."

"You're seething, know that, Bones?" He wouldn't listen to Bones when he was this angry. Jim got off the biobed. The room had been cleared except for them- the only blessed thing in the situation, Jim surmised.

"If I'm seething, it means you're not listening, which means you won't be getting better because I can't find out how to treat this drug so you try your best to be still! Dr. Marcus, I need to put Captain Kirk in restraints."

The harsh order paralyzed Jim.

"Don't." He squeezed his eyes shut, the shaking in his hands now noticeable as he stood quietly. Before he knew it, a tear traced one of his scars on his face. He knew where all his scars were. He didn't want restraints because now all he could of were the ones Kodos used on him in Tarsus. "Don't put me in those things. They did that when they found out I was their leader, the hero. Some hero I was, hardly saving anyone. Couldn't even save myself from their torture."

"Jim, I need you to lie down." Bones was gentler now.

"And then what?" _I'm afraid of your answer._

"You were given a psychotropic drug and since your system is all screwed up from how sick you got on Tarsus," Bones paused. "I got nothing figured out yet to help ya, kiddo. Your memories will plague you, to the point of paranoia. You will get violent and gain the strength of a Klingon. For anyone, it would be the lousiest trip down memory lane. But for you, Jim, with what you got in your past..." Bones slammed his fists on the biobed.

It was unexpected, and Jim flinched. He sat on the bed. Carol put her hands on top of his. He would have scorned such a simple touch when he acted as playboy. Now, he wished to cherish it as their eyes met.

"Please, do your best to relax, Jim." Carol's plea showed him how much his pain hurt her.

"I can't relax, Carol." He was undone. _I can't save them. "_I'm scared. Really, scared. They will die if I don't get there. How can I get there like this?"

"Jim, the drug is probably going to enhance these feelings and you won't be able to control yourself."

"Huh, you've got a point," he shivered at Bones' words. Carol responded by placing a blanket around his shoulders. "I'm sorry to involve you like this. If Bones doesn't need you, it may be better for you to go. "

"Shhh, don't talk like that," she murmured.

"Jim, she's incredibly smart and being helpful. She stays."

He nodded meekly.

"I need to get to Revlair," he repeated himself. "I'm one of the few who really know that place."

"You've been there before?" Carol asked.

He frowned. "I can't remember when or why now, though."

Bones sighed. "You need to be still for me a little longer so I can treat you. You can't face Kodos like this."

"It seems he wants me to."

"I'm not going to continue to experiment on you like a lab rat. I've done that already to ya. Remember? Of course you don't. You were irradiated completely. I worked around the clock to save your ass!" His sharp tone hurt Jim, and he backed away, as if Bones was physically fighting him.

"He's scaring me." Jim closed his eyes. "Frank's scaring me. What...what's going on?" They were whimpered admissions that broke his doctor.

"You better be scared! I need to neutralize this drug, but you're not cooperating. I've tried everything, Jim," cried McCoy.

"Dr. McCoy, please settle- "

"I'm looking at the utter destruction of Jim- again. I can't settle down, Dr. Marcus," McCoy heaved. "If I fail, Jim's gonna die!"

"Please don't yell at me, Frank. I'll be good." Jim needed to be safe, but where? He jumped off the biobed and backed into the wall, sliding down the floor. With knees bent he hid behind them.

"Dr. McCoy," hissed Carol. "Look at him. You've frightened him." She knelt tenderly beside him.

_I don't want to be here. I'm so confused._

"Dammit," muttered McCoy. "Jim, I'm sorry for scaring you. I lost it. I know I scared you. I'm sorry, buddy."

"Don't hit me," said Jim. He grabbed Carol's wrist. "He yelled. He'll hit me next." _I thought he was my friend. You are, aren't you?_

"No, Jim, he won't hit you," she said. "He is here to help you. Will you lie down, so you can be safe?"

* * *

"Mr. Sulu, take us to yellow alert."

"Yellow alert, aye Commander."

"Lt. Uhura, do not open channels in sickbay."

"Yes, Commander. All other Channels are open," said Uhura.

"Attention crew, this is Acting Captain Spock. Captain Kirk is currently confined to sick bay. A warning has come from Starfleet. The safety of the Enterprise has been threatened. I have put us at yellow alert until the threat has been neutralized."

"Commander, it's Dr. McCoy." said Uhura.

"Yes, Doctor."

"Spock, the ice chips Jim had on the bridge were laced with a psychotropic drug. A nurse brought me the ice I had requested while I waited outside the turbolift for Jim. His name is Jared Vager."

"Dr. McCoy, do not let him out of your sight."

"Too late for that. All my personnel left with security. Listen, Spock, I know there's a maniac onboard who drugged the captain, but I need you in medical. Having Uhura here wouldn't hurt either. Jim was throwing around phrases in another language. Spock, we need to talk. Jim's condition is worsening."

"I will be there," said Spock. "Uhura, inform security. Tell them to take Jared Vager into custody for questioning. Lt., I'd like you to observe him yourself and report back to me anything unusual. I will be in sickbay, where you will be needed as well."

"Yes, Commander."

* * *

Spock had not known this type of fear existed before he saw his captain, his friend, perish. And here it was again, this innate sense Jim was facing an adversary as dangerous as Nero or Kahn.

Spock took it in all at once. He did not have to separate a frazzled but unrelenting doctor testing blood samples from the scene on the opposite side of the room. Jim, in restraints, breathing as deeply as a human possibly could. His eyes show he is hyper-alert. _His straining shows he has an adrenaline-induced strength._

Dr. Marcus walked to McCoy with a PADD and a few hypos. She pointed to something on the PADD and murmured to McCoy, who furrowed his head in concentration.

"Dr. McCoy, what is the status of the Captain?"

"As grim as it ever was. With his screwed up system, I'm having a hell of a time figuring out what to give him. This drug is one I've never seen, but in some ways it is also behaving like the Levodian Flu- the deadly Klingon version. I don't know if it's a drug with a Levodian Flu strain piggybacking but it's nothing contagious, thank God."

"What has been Jim's response to this drug?"

"The initial effect of the drug caused muscle weakness and, as you know, slurring of speech. That's all changed. Now, he has become increasingly disoriented and he doesn't know who we are. He's at the beginning of stage 2, if I compare it with Levodian Flu. Jim will experience three stages of this drug, each one intensifying. This last increase of side effects was no doubt influenced by my scaring him."

"Dr. McCoy, how did you frighten the Captain?"

Dr. Marcus' face was flushed and strained. _She is refusing to cry._

McCoy groaned and covered his face with his hands. "I got mad at Jim- for being the man he is. Spock, I yelled at him like this was his fault. He thought that I was his Uncle Frank - the weasel who abused him as a kid- and so he shrank from me."

"Dr. McCoy, is it in the best interest of the patient for you to continue to work in his presence?"

"I'm the only one who can work with him, for many reasons. I think his thoughts have traveled to a different part of his past, now anyways. However, his strength is increasing, his nervous system on edge, not to mention the paranoia." McCoy looked down at his work again. "It will be nothing less than a violent end. I mean, anyone else I've read about has killed others at the very height of any similar drug. To take them down, it's not pretty. It's not our Jim."

"How much time?" Uhura asked as she joined them. She stepped closer to the biobed. "Hello, Jim."

Spock appreciated the calm manner as she continued to talk Jim. After a few words, Jim's eyes lingered on Uhura's face, then dashed away.

"A day, probably less. It's working fast."

Spock shifted his stance at the unspecified answer. Dr. Marcus busied herself with rechecking Jim's restraints.

"Talking to him's good, but don't expect Jim to answer. I think he's fighting the inevitable with his silence. He hated being placed in those restraints but I had to before he received the adrenaline rush from the drug." Dr. McCoy picked one of the hypos Dr. Marcus had brought him. He frowned. "This is interesting. I may be able to get a window of time with this drug, Dr. Marcus, that you suggested. But it probably shouldn't be used more than once or twice, and it should be used as soon as possible, as the leaching of what already has been absorbed will be painfully instantaneous.

"How long of a window?" Spock questioned. _An hour? Thirty minutes? We have much to discuss with Jim to prepare ourselves._

"Ten, fifteen minutes, tops." Dr. McCoy shrugged. "If we're lucky, twenty minutes."

"Will he function normally for that time?"

"I'm certain that yes, he will. But it will go back into his system. I wouldn't be surprised if the process will encourage the shortening of stages.

"Uhura, what is the status of the prisoner?"

"A smug little creep inside a small little room." She turned from Jim's bed, her voice lowered so he couldn't hear. "It was like he expected he'd be found. He made no attempt to flee as he gave us his full name- Jared Memphis Vager, with emphasis on the middle name."

"If that is the case, I do believe he has something else here to accomplish. Dr. McCoy, how soon would you have the drug ready to stop Jim's symptoms?"

"Twenty minutes."

"Proceed, then. We will need it. We have another urgent matter. Admiral Cartwright informed us that Kodos will hunt the Enterprise down as well if the ring leader does not set foot on Revlair. We now have 21 hours, 9 minutes, and 13 seconds."

"I thought he was going to only after the leader and the others of Tarsus 9," Dr. Marcus exclaimed.

"Not only them. Us as well." Uhura spoke frankly. "And we have no leads as to who this leader is, let alone where."

"Yes, we do." Dr. McCoy took a black box from a desk drawer and carried the box to Spock.

"What is inside, doctor?"

"The leader you need."


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek.

AT: The plot thickens and the angst continues. The next chapter will be a little shorter. It is exciting to receive such a favorable response to the story- thank you! Just an FYI, this is a slower build-up to Jim/Carol than some may expect, but I promise you I'll try my best to make things good. Beta reader DLB48- THANK YOU!

* * *

Chapter Four

"Spock, opening that box here will contribute greatly to a increase in the drug's intensity, should Jim happen to hear it." Dr. McCoy sat down to his work. "Or see it."

"I fear I already know the truth," said Dr. Marcus. "I will remain to assist Dr. McCoy."

_The doctor states that the captain will be greatly affected by the contents of this box. Furthermore, the captain has been deliberately drugged and both Dr. Marcus and Dr. McCoy appear to be acquainted with the Tarsus ring leader. Dr. Marcus says she "fears the truth." The logical conclusion is that Captain Kirk is in fact the person we seek. Who else attracts these no-win scenarios? Who else but Jim can outwit them?_

"Dr. McCoy, I concur with your suggestion," Spock softly agreed.

"Oh," Uhura exclaimed, her eyes crushed with sadness. "No. That just can't be...you mean..."

"Yes." Spock could not deny it.

Neither did Dr. McCoy. "He was going to inform the bridge today. He was known as JT on Tarsus."

_So for these past several days, Captain Kirk had endured taunting from Kodos._

"Acting Captain Spock to Bridge. Sulu, set course for Revlair, warp factor four. We have the Tarsus ring leader onboard."

Jim reacted instantly to Spock's order to the bridge, spewing a curse directed towards Kodos. "You killed babies. I held one, just before she died."

_How much can one man take? He was only a child_.

"Jim," Dr. Marcus said slowly. "You comforted her. You gave her peace."

"She died in my arms. Then this other kid was tired of eating scraps of clothing. So I buried her, hidden from anybody. I won't tell anyone where she is."

"She's safe, Jim." Uhura's tears flowed steadily.

Jim thrashed more than ever. "Don't you come near me," he growled, eyeing Dr. Marcus.

_Not only famine and hunger, but torture_. Spock's own resilience at human emotion could not stand up to this knowledge of Jim. He could not fathom what child-Jim had endured. A few slow tears slipped down. He took care of them before anyone noticed.

"I won't touch you, Jim. I'll stay away," Dr. Marcus held her ground and did not move from his side, tricorder in hand. "Doctor, his heart rate is dangerously high."

"I have nothing to give him that works." Dr. McCoy stated, looking at Spock. "Have any ideas?"

_Yes, indeed I do._ "I believe I can assist the captain through a mind meld."

"Spock, what Jim has in that mind of his is atrocious. I drank for days after he told me things."

"I am not afraid of that which grips my friend."

Dr. Marcus stepped aside as Spock came forward.

* * *

_I am looking under my mommy's bed. Tiger's not there. He'll miss me. I'm going to cry anyways because no one is here to see it. She leaves me here all alone. Mommy hates when I cry._

_Jim._

_Who..who are you?_

_A friend._

_I need a friend._

_Why, Jim?_

_I'm sad because I can't find my favorite toy. And mommy is sending me away. She doesn't love me._

_Jim._

_She says I look too much like Daddy. I'm only four. She won't keep me with her in space anymore because..because...Wait, why are you here?_

_To help you_.

_Help me find Tiger?_

_To be your friend._

_If you're my friend, can I tell you what happens next?_

_What happens next, Jim?_

_I get sent to live with Uncle Frank. He...he scares me. Sam, he hides me when Frank is drunk. You don't get drunk do you?_

_No, I do not._

_Frank doesn't like me either, but I'm a good boy. I don't get in any trouble at school. And I'm smart. Why does he hit me then? No other six year old hides in his own house._

_I will keep you safe, Jim._

_You can't._

_I will try, if you let me._

_Spock? Why are you here? You shouldn't be..._

_I can help you._

_You can't. You're in danger._

_I am your friend. I will not leave._

_No. Go. Away._

_Jim, we need you. Kodos will destroy the Enterprise._

_What? No. I can't...There is so much hunger and darkness here. He'll hurt you, too._

_Jim, I am not afraid. Rest, my friend. I am not leaving._

_Please, Spock. Just, go._

_As you are my friend, I will never leave you._

* * *

_Stop fighting me, Jim._

Another moment passed before Spock saw it safe enough to break the mind meld. "Doctor, I was able to get through to him, despite his being in the depths of childhood memories. The drug has aggravated all of Jim's past and will soon be unmatched by anything I have experienced in a mind meld."

"He's getting stronger but you calmed him a bit. His heart rate normalized," said Dr. McCoy, reading the tricorder. "Spock, I doubt these restraints will hold much longer."

"Uhura, get security in sickbay," ordered Spock. "Inform them to set their phasers to stun. I will take the box to bridge and inspect the contents. Afterwards, I will return."

"Yes, sir."

"Spock, when you get back here don't kill me for not giving that to you earlier," demanded McCoy. "My focus has been on him. There is nothing better and nothing as important than for me to find this damn cure. Jim told me before his last shift he wanted me to show it, and then all hell broke loose."

"Dr. McCoy, I will not ki-"

"Just remember- I'm a doctor not a strategist."

Spock gave him a long stare and lifted his comm. He waited until he was outside of sickbay talk to the admiral. "Spock to Admiral Cartwright."

"Yes, Spock. How's Kirk?"

"Feeling the effects of a psychotropic drug given to him by the now apprehended nurse, Jared Vager. Dr. McCoy can give us windows of time with him. We will need for Jim to talk with the nurse. Otherwise, Dr. McCoy is working on a cure. The effects are dangerous- paranoia, super strength, and violent tendencies. McCoy likens it to Levodian Flu of the Klingons. Admiral, the ring leader was Captain James T. Kirk."

The Admiral did not speak for a moment. "Spock, if anyone other than you gave me that specific piece of information, I would ram the impossibility of such a thing down their throat and kick them to the nearest space station. Do you mean that Kirk, the irresponsible cadet, hero of Earth, captain of the crew which took down Kahn, and now the youngest captain of any ship in Starfleet was the Tarsus ring leader?"

"I do." Of course he is the object of a madman's wrath. _Our Captain is like no other._

"Get Kirk to Revlair yourself, use whatever Dr. McCoy has to get him sane when he faces Kodos, get your ship prepared for battle, and don't get anyone killed- that means Captain Kirk needs to get out of this alive. I already ordered back up. You got your hands full, Spock. Now, go."

* * *

Tension unfurled in the bridge as Spock opened the box he'd carried and placed in his lap after sitting in the command chair. An outdated PADD, perhaps a decade old. It was in supreme condition.

"Lieutenant Uhura, please identify what is on this PADD immediately."

"Yes, sir." Within a minute, she completed her task. "The only data on the PADD is a recording taken five and a half months ago."

"Run it through."

She did and soon they watched James Tiberious Kirk, casually dressed in civilian clothes on the viewscreen. He sat in his own quarters, elbows on his thighs and hands clasped. His black shirt was wrinkled. Jim's gaze was as serious as Spock had ever seen him, the blue eyes striking in the dim lights of the room he had recorded this video.

"If you're watching this, I'm unable to perform my duties as captain of the Enterprise. And I may be dead- again."

Spock could not hold back a flinch.

"If not, I'm alive and...disturbed. For whatever reason- blackmail, poison, insanity- and my past has caught up to me in some way and has endangered the Enterprise. My family. I've never been able to healthily deal with my childhood. McCoy knows almost everything. He also knows more about me than anyone and has pulled me through some pretty dark times at the Academy. Bones," Jim leaned in even more and whispered, "if I survive this tell Joanna that Uncle Jim'll paint his nails again to show her when she talks with you next, in all her favorite colors- pink, purple, and orange."

_Again? Fascinating._

Jim leaned back and rubbed his forehead, hiding his eyes. "Now that you know I indulge in the requests of a five year old, which is kinda embarrassing...it's back to business. Spock, I know I put you through great discomfort in the past. Most of it quite unintentionally. Except for that one time I provoked you to show your anger. So I could command the ship. So I could save Earth. Yeah, that time." He smirked a bit and laughed. "I was an ass."

In spite of all they were up against, the bridge crew did not ignore Jim's light attempt at humor.

"So, about that, Spock," Jim placed his hands on his knees and folded them, his mouth set in a firm line. "I am sorry. I had to do it, no matter the pain it brought you. Your other self told me it was the only way to stop Nero. How could I not listen to you?"

_Indeed, that would be a conundrum._

"I'm asking you to do what you have to do to save the Enterprise or anyone else taken into a madman's quest. No matter the pain you inflict upon me. Please trust me."

_I am trying, Jim._

Jim stood, turning his back from the camera. He shrugged off his shirt. Spock saw no abnormalities of his skin. His muscles were taut. The captain then reached into his back pocket and pulled out a pocket-knife. "If you need to, ask Bones."

Then, blade raised, he cut his skin, starting at the right shoulder blade.

Spock pressed the comm. "Spock to sickbay."

"McCoy here."

"Dr. McCoy, please explain what it is that Jim is doing to his back."

"For the love of..." Dr. McCoy's fury shook the bridge. He continued in mellower voice, almost a whisper. "He's peeling back a pseudo-skin piece that we fit on his back a few years ago at the Academy. It hides scar tissue if an individual wishes to keep it for some reason, without visibility. When it was secured on him, I warned Jim it could get infected at the time of removal. You should warm it for an hour beforehand, so it can come off. And that's why I'm mad. Who knows when he made this recording and who knows how long it took to heal. If it ever did."

It was disturbing to see Jim's entire top layer of his back peel off. It affected them all.

"That's just- gruesome." Sulu whispered.

"I've never seen such a thing," Chekov exclaimed. "I'm sorry, Keptin."

"There'll be additional redness to what is already there." Dr. McCoy added. "I need to go. Just...hurry. He broke through one arm restraint."

"I will be there as soon as I can. Tell security to stun only as a last resort."

The fresh redness illuminated what was already there, making it undeniably real. The scars were stripes, a history of gashes. Jim's back was a map with numerous longitude and latitude lines revealing a personal history of abuse and something much more. Spock could not distinguish older from the newer. As the Captain faced the camera, his wit and confidence were displaced with what tainted him.

"When I was thirteen, I was sent to Tarsus IV."

_I am sorry, my friend._

"Stop the recording," ordered Spock.

* * *

The brig was a perfect place for waiting. Memphis rather liked the solace. It aided his thought process and cleared the way as he prepared to fool the very drugged captain.

If McCoy was as smart as Memphis thought he was, the doctor found a drug to momentarily help Jim. And that is why Memphis waited.

JT was coming to this very room.

Memphis smiled as he prepared himself to fool JT with a tale of lunacy and friendship. If Memphis played the part well, a pawn of Kodos, JT would unknowingly help Memphis have Lenore.

She was his escape out of the life he'd made for himself.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Don't own anything. :)

AN: Switching gears for this chapter, and it's not as short as I thought it would be. So, yay?! I'm taking the liberty to do what I want with the Karidians..so beware. Thanks, DLB48, for being an amazing beta. We will return to the Enterprise after this chapter. ;)

* * *

Chapter 5

As the crew of the Enterprise were given unforeseen revelations about their captain, Lenore Karidian was on the planet, Revlair, thinking of what transpired to bring her to this ice planet.

Lenore had agreed to accompany her father to Revlair, this planet the Federation knew nothing about, because she was bored to tears with her life at the university. The first thing her father had told her was to say nothing about their trip to Revlair. His insistence that lives could be endangered had at first made her laugh. Her father, actor Anton Karidian, was awfully dramatic. She rolled her eyes and agreed though, for the sole purpose of ensuring her new adventure. He had arranged for her temporary leave from school, a miracle in her mind, and he'd told her to pack warm clothing.

The ship ride to Revlair had been the longest she'd ever had. It'd been boring as she had no interest in space- her thirst for knowledge was directed towards her own planet, Earth. Therefore, she was almost rueing her decision to accompany her father.

After they'd landed, and she'd seen all there was to see (_which was ice and snow- just ice and snow_), her father told her that her background in anthropology could be an asset to the issue at hand as well as an asset to her own future. How an uninhabited ice planet could teach her anything, she did not know. And then...

As she thought back to the last couple days, she now realized the secrecy was, indeed, vital to the individuals living on the planet. For Revlair is not uninhabited as the Federation thought.

She'd not expected to be greeted by half-Vulcan, half-human children on the ice planet, either. Well, that explains the facility's name- The Green Gate. It was quite common knowledge even among her Earth-focused friends that Vulcans had green blood. She'd never met one but had mourned for their loss of their planet, Vulcan.

The children appeared unusually acclimated to the weather, with no concern as they tumbled out the doors in thinly clad feet, across the walkway which spanned a good quarter mile over ice in a hue Lenore had never seen before- light blue. Lenore, freezing in her coat and gloves when they children came rushing at her outside, was startled to see they only wore shirts and pants and thin slippers. The snow had no affect on them.

Lenore had also been extremely touched at their emotion- a simple but subdued delight. They were in awe of her long, curly red hair, reaching small hands to her locks. _Weren't Vulcans taught to withhold emotion_? It was nothing less than confusing and as her father and she were ushered inside, she'd begun her study of her new life.

"We'll be here indefinitely, Lenore," her father said when she asked for the duration of their stay. After receiving a name tag, Lenore and her father were silently shown where she would be staying giving her time to contemplate this new environment. Seeing those children and learning later they were orphans who had endured a biological travesty made her wish she could stay forever.

"What will you do here, father, at The Green Gate?" Her father had held a wide range of jobs- from engineer, sailor, and now actor, though not well-known as he'd liked.

"I'm tying up loose ends with a certain matter I could only do from upon Revlair." He patted her head, as he had throughout her childhood. The only physical touch she ever received from her father.

His answer seemed odd to Lenore, but her father was...odd. It's why her mother had finally divorced him when she was eight years old. As a toddler and preschooler, he'd leave for months at a time. She hardly remembered him. She usually avoided being in the same room with him, for his temper troubled her and worried her mother.

"Lenore," her mother would say. "It's best if we let your father be by himself. Let's go visit your grandmother." It wasn't until she was ten that she began to live with him, following him around with his acting troupe. They'd welcomed her because then her mother had died. She'd gained a friend too, who lived with the troupe- Memphis.

Maybe that was why she felt some sort of connection with the children here. She understood loss of a parent. And a great disconnect with the other.

After a day of getting used to the temperature, which was lower than anything she experienced inside a building, she realized why Revlair was described as uninhabitable. These orphans were an anomaly of sorts, and whether the Federation did indeed know of them or not, they were here to be cared for in an environment which allowed them to live life to its fullest by an organization with power. They were treated with great compassion and concern. Six doctors lived on the campus. Twelve nurses, and two dozen others, including Vulcans and humans, lived in Wing B of the facility. Lenore assumed the scientists who came in and out of Wing B and disappeared into Wing A throughout the day were trying their best to help the children. Wing C contained the elements to ensure the children's education. Wing D was enormous and she was told held supplies.

Her father was right. She could benefit from this experience and utilize her love of anthropology. Even if she could never speak of it again.

"Father, I confess. You did a good thing, bringing me." She'd smiled at him and he did his usual absentminded nod. No matter. The children are captivated by me, and I by them.

"Lenore, you won't be seeing me for a few days. Don't be concerned. Stay within the confines of Wing B or C, with the children, until I return."

_Sure. Typical. No matter._

At the end of the first night, Lenore decided she'd take as many notes as possible and learn what she could to help the children. There were only fourteen of them. Eight were boys, and the rest girls. When Lenore had begun to sing any childhood nursery rhyme she could remember to the littlest child of two years old, all the children had sat around her. It had been remarkable to have the attention of the children and see their quiet happiness, and more than that, she'd gain a nod from the head Vulcan.

"The children would like you to sing to them again tomorrow, Lenore. Could you?"

"I'd be happy to," Lenore replied.

The very next morning coming out of her room, she met Kevin Riley. Absorbed in his PADD as he walked, he ran straight into her. Granted, she had been absently looking at the skylights and then the amazing holograms around the hall.

"Oh, I am so sorry." His glasses skewed, the young man offered her an arm up.

_Yes, of course I showed how klutzy I am_. Her pride a bit bruised, she noted the name tag on his shirt.

"That is alright, Kevin," her eyes crinkled at him. He smiled back at her but went right back to reading.

"I'm Lenore."

He hesitated but looked up. "Nice to meet you. Are you a new caretaker for the children?"

"I'm just a visitor, but have been invited to help with whatever I can," she offered. "Yesterday, I sang for them."

"You're the one who sang," Kevin said. "I heard you piqued their interest in the arts. That's unusual at the moment."

"Why? What has happened to these children?" Lenore hoped her sincerity did not come across as naive eagerness for gossip.

"Well," Kevin said, nervously touching his glasses. "I really can't say, Lenore. I'm sorry."

Lenore sighed. "I figured. I don't mind being in the dark. I see they are well-cared for here, on an ice planet. In the middle of nowhere. These half-human, half-Vulcan children who smile."

"You really are curious, aren't you?" Kevin laugh had a melodic quality and Lenore almost blushed. _Almost_.

"Totally."

"I can't tell you, but I can help show you around the place and meet some people, okay?" Her people skills assured her Kevin was a confident and helpful young man. Memphis had been like that, until he became slightly obsessed with her. Memphis. _It is good to be away from him for awhile._

"Sure. But first, can you tell me a little about your job? Not, everything of course, since this is top-secret and all, but..maybe something?"

Kevin stared at her- hard. Lenore thought maybe pushing him again for information had made him angry, but then he nodded. "Alright, but first, tell me about yourself. Over coffee."

"I have some time. I'm early." _This is exciting. Coffee with a cute boy my second day here._

"Me, too. Come on. I'll show you the break room with the best replicator in the quadrant." He waved for her to follow. The hall was quiet, only a few workers talking with some of the older children with PADDS in their hands.

"So here it is," he said, thumping the replicator.

She smiled at his enthusiasm over what was truly not the best replicator she had ever seen. The thing looked like it had fallen down one of Revlair's ice cliffs. He knew it and grinned.

"Perfect," she laughed.

That simple word she said stayed with her the rest of the day, for it described that little bit of time with Kevin. Their coffee break only lasted thirty minutes. Way too short. But perfect. They shared jokes, their biggest humiliations, and best ideas.

"So, how did you get clearance to come to Revlair, anyways," Kevin asked. "It's pretty tight. I mean, you shouldn't even be here if you're a visitor. We rarely have visitors."

"My father said he'd been working with someone for years who is now connected to Revlair. And that person owe him a favor. He wanted to share the experience with me." Lenore shrugged. "That's my dad for you. He has connections everywhere. I overheard him on his comm, about new ships he owns. My dad's hardly ever talked about space, and here we are. Believe me, I'm confused too.

"Well, I'm glad you're here." They paused then to take sips of their coffee. After a quiet moment, Kevin shared with her, finally, that he was a scientist. One of the few who were making headway to decrease the children's "symptoms."

"I knew you were smart. I could tell."

"It's the glasses," Kevin sighed.

"Not only those. You can just tell."

"Well, either way, I got glasses."

She leaned forward. "Are you self-conscious about them, Kevin? I like them."

"I am. I didn't always need them and I keep having my eyes fixed but the procedure never holds." He frowned. "But never mind that. I will talk with you later? Maybe at dinner?"

"Sure. My father won't be around to sit with, so that will be nice to have a friend."

"See you then, Lenore."

Only she hadn't. It didn't seem to be his nature, to stand someone up, so she gave him the benefit of a doubt. After she ate dinner, alone, she asked everyone if they'd seen him. No one had conversed with Kevin nor seen him since right after he had begun his daily work. She walked the halls and entered all the rooms she could in Wings B and C. One of the Vulcan caretakers, who would not tell her his name, walked with her. They checked his quarters. No one answered and the caretaker went inside.

"He's not there?"

"No. He has not been in his quarters since this morning." The Vulcan's eyes drilled her but she did not flinch.

"I told you before, we were only in the break room. He asked to eat dinner with me later. Is it unusual for a scientist to disappear?"

"It has never happened here," he said. "Therefore, it is a concern."

The Vulcan escorted her to her room. "Do not come out until one of us meets you here in the morning."

"Why?"

"We have a security breach, and since you are a visitor, you shall remain in your room."

"The children?"

"They will not be alarmed. They require as much normalcy as possible. Any alert would harm their development."

The disappointment did not come that Lenore thought she'd have at being stuck in her room. Instead, waves of fear set in.

_A scientist is missing._ For a girl who had lived a fairly tame life, this was quite a change.

_Where are you, Kevin_?


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek.

AT: Back to the Enterprise. I appreciate all the support I've received- it's an interesting story to write as it is unfolding a little unexpectedly certain places. Looking forward to the following couple chapters especially. Thank you for following along!

* * *

Chapter 6

"Lt. Uhura, I need the corridor cleared from the lift to the brig cell containing Jared Memphis Vager. Sulu, I will need three men and yourself to accompany Captain Kirk from sickbay to the brig after Dr. McCoy administers a drug to the captain and I inform Captain Kirk about the prisoner," said Spock.

He was not met with the flurry of activity he anticipated. _Silence._

Not one of Captain James T. Kirk's crew moved. Their world had stopped after the message from their stalwart captain.

"Lt. Uhura..."

"Commander," Uhura stood at her station. She bit her lip, glancing around the bridge. "We need a moment." Her chin lifted.

"I see." Spock did see the shock and tears of the crew but his own struggle to retain an emotional complacency was failing. A clearly torn young Chekov had fallen to a sitting position on the floor beside his station, sobbing. Mr. Scott knelt beside him on one knee, and put a hand on his shoulder in comfort. Sulu and Uhura matched in expressions- half angry, half depressed. They were all mournful.

The image of Jim's back, gouged and mistreated, stained their minds. A reconciling of the man who was their captain and the boy he was on Tarsus would take longer than a few moments. Spock was willing to spare the precious time they had with an unprecedented pause as Uhura suggested.

Spock did not wish to focus on the emotion of the crew which mirrored his internal pain. He did not have to. His own thoughts automatically fashioned into a speculative history that Jim could have experienced. Unyielding physical abuse followed by even more abuse of health. Daily deprivation, a death sentence, and survival- by what means, Spock could theorize a hundred ways in seconds.

And as a child...Jim had accumulated those scars.

Nothing on Jim's chart pointed to any length of time visiting on Tarsus IV. _Knowing Jim's hacking ability personally, I should not be surprised. He would never wish this information to be known without his allowance._

Yes, the account of his life described vaguely a childhood with an uncle. His mother, Winona, had been around only for the duration of the first few years of Captain Kirk's life. Jim would not have had proper care before or after Tarsus. It was unsettling. Jim had never gotten the help required to manage his experiences.

Jim's recklessness had enforced a misguided impression Spock had of him since the very day they met. His recklessness was the result of evading the memories of a horror no child should ever face. He'd understood who Jim was when he calculated the words and actions of Dr. McCoy and Dr. Marcus. _But I could not feel who Jim is until now._

_I need to give orders._

He opened his mouth to speak, but he closed it. He found himself incapable of formulating any words and began pacing back and forth instead.

A minute passed, with Spock practicing steady breathing and the crew solemnly honoring their captain who had shared his horrendous history to save their lives yet again.

Spock paced to the center of the viewscreen. He'd stay there, until Nyota spoke again. He was certain she would.

He soon sensed her presence.

"Spock." Her voice was broken.

"Nyota."

She startled at his use of her first name on the bridge, but nodded in her special way.

"I feel so guilty, for hating him at times," she whispered.

"Nyota, he never held that against you," he said. It was true. Jim's manner with Uhura had morphed into brotherly affection.

"Spock," Uhura slipped beside him. "Jim, he fooled us all. But himself, mostly. He should have told us. I wish he had told us.

_As do I._

As she cried silently, Spock realized Jim's past would affect them for weeks, perhaps months, to come. _We need psychological evaluations on all members of the bridge crew. And Jim. _How he'd get Jim to cooperate with protocol, he did not know.

"I'm sorry," she said, wiping the last of her tears. "We have a job to do. It's time."

"No channels, Lt. Uhura. I wish to speak only to the bridge."

The general composure of the bridge crew was returning. He could not inspire with the charisma of Captain Kirk, but he would intelligently spur them on in a way to make them think of their captain and the mission at hand.

He did not need to gain the attention of the crew. All eyes were on him.

"We will honor the way Captain James T. Kirk has divulged to us his involvement of the famine and destruction on Tarsus IV. We will accomplish the mission given to the Enterprise, per Starfleet Command, with steadiness and ingenuity. May the mantra of Captain Kirk echo in your hearts- 'there are no no-win scenarios.' "

Spock stepped away from the center of the room, igniting the fervor of the crew he expected before as he left the Enterprise bridge crew for sickbay.

Time to regain the captain, if only for ten minutes.

* * *

_Perhaps I misspoke._

Spock hated to be wrong. His errors, which had only occurred since he had met Jim, were for one reason- Jim.

Yet, he could not blame the captain for the disaster sickbay was. Nothing was his fault. Not one thing. Not one. His captain attracted difficulty, in plural form, with a peculiar ease.

Spock had been clear-headed enough to send Dr. Marcus out of the room before Jim had gotten completely uncontrollable. Spock had seen the looks Jim had given Dr. Marcus when he thought no one was looking. Observing the captain's continuing infatuation with her was nothing less than- fascinating. For that reason, Spock decided that Jim would not wish Dr. Marcus to be in harm's way, especially if it was of Jim's own doing.

Dr. Marcus had promptly claimed the items Dr. McCoy had been working on before she left. That swift action had saved them the loss of McCoy's hard work and testing which possibly could save Jim if the doctor could focus. And McCoy needed Jim out of his direct supervision. _The time had come for that._

Which brought him back to the scene in sickbay when he returned from the bridge.

Jim stood, free of restraints, wildly scanning the room for escape. Dr. McCoy, talking slowly to Jim, stood between Jim and the only set of unlocked doors. The five of them, three security officers, Sulu, and Spock, had caused a chain reaction by coming in the room. Jim rushed at McCoy first, but Spock pushed the doctor out of the way. That earned Spock a fist in his eye and a few seconds on the ground. When he came to, Jim's aggressively attacked the security officers, one by one, with his performance showing an increase of 45.3% in both strength and speed.

Spock heard Dr. McCoy whisper in his comm for Uhura to come, by chance that Jim would listen to a familiar female voice. By the time Uhura arrived, two security officers were unconscious, Spock had been knocked down again, and Jim was .24% worn down from his fighting. In the struggle, Jim's shirts had been torn. Sulu, bent at the waist, breathed heavily but remained standing to guard the unlocked door. Spock pushed up from the floor beside the helmsman, giving him his phaser as secretly as possible.

Uhura moved in front of Spock and Sulu. From the corner where he was now hidden from Jim, Dr. McCoy silently prepped the hypo needed to stop the psychotropic drug momentarily. Spock motioned slightly with a hand to Sulu to wait.

"Jim, can you tell us what's wrong? Why are you fighting us?" Uhura inched towards him, cautiousness in each step. Jim cocked his head as she talked. _Does he remember her?_

"Who are you?"

"Uhura. I'm your friend."

"Were you rescued, too?

"Jim, I was rescued."

"I don't remember you, but I'm glad you were rescued." Jim's face slipped with confusion. "Who are you? Why are you coming near me? Stay away."

_Uhura has distracted him. He is contemplating her words. Hold steady, Uhura._

"I'm sorry you are upset, Jim," Uhura calmly stated. "Will you tell us what is the matter?"

Jim frowned and shook his head, emotion heightening the blue of his eyes. "Why would you care?"

"Because we are your friends," she replied. Now, she was only within two steps of Jim. "Please, tell us."

McCoy was ready now. The other guard was alert to Spock's signal. _Wait._ They needed to give Uhura another moment.

"Friends," Jim spat. "They attacked me. That is not being friendly." His head jerked towards Spock.

"They are sorry."

"Too late." His lips pressed in a hard line. "I won't stay here, trapped in this room. I was trapped before, and whipped." His glare bore a hole through Spock's heart. _His anguish pursues me, despite the lack of physical touch. My friend, let me help you._

"Please, let us help you." Uhura pleaded.

"No." Jim yelled, and turned sideways, a tentative but calculating look on his face. _He is going to run._

"Please." Uhura reached for his arm. As soon as she touched his arm, he jerked it away.

"Don't touch me," he hissed in her face.

"I'm sorry, Jim," Uhura said.

"My mother was sorry, but she left me."

"Jim, we won't leave you."

"They all leave. Always." Jim's face flooded with anger as he sprang in the opposite direction, pulling down a biobed and a several pieces of equipment behind him.

"Now, Sulu!" Spock ran towards Jim, jumping over the blockade.

Jim kicked the door another time, breaking it. Sulu took the shot before Jim stepped out, dropping Jim heavily to the floor with the stun. Spock reached Jim's side as he attempted to get up.

_Stay down, Jim._

"Security, cuff him now! Sulu!" Spock saw the desperation in Jim's eyes to flee. He did for a second time what Jim detested- administered the nerve pinch as hard as he could. Jim struggled and looked at Spock, clear hatred in his eyes. The others' weight helped force Jim down. _He is alert and will be physically incapacitated for three more seconds._

"McCoy!"

Spock could no longer look at Jim. The hatred in Jim's eyes was as real as anything Spock had seen, yet it was not coming from the one who was his friend.

Dr. McCoy placed one hand on Jim's neck to steady the other as he administered the drug. Jim's body jerked but no one moved from their position.

They waited.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek.

AT: As a first time fan-fiction writer here, your comments have been so encouraging. Thank you! Jim/Carol fans, stay tuned for Chapter 8, and thanks for being patient as I inch their relationship closer. Thanks to DLB48 for being a beta-reader extraordinaire, and for stars90 and Arijone for stepping up to assist me with tech questions!

* * *

Chapter 7

It was either the worst hangover he'd ever had or something he didn't want to know about but was sure to be informed of by Bones, whose face was sideways. _Why is Bones' face sideways?_

Bones was breathing like he was running from the natives from Nibiru again. And Bones wasn't into running.

Bones was also looking at him as though Jim had grown two heads and maybe a tail.

Bones was slumped on the floor and holding a hypo in his hand. _He looks exhausted._

Jim then realized he was on the floor, too, stomach down and head turned and pressed forcefully and painfully on its left side. _Oh, that's why Bones is sideways. Huh._

His eyes scanned the floor, which was all he could see. A few biobeds were broken, blankets spilled over. Actually, the general area of the floor was consumed by other broken things- screens, medical equipment, windows, and lights. Curtains draped as they hung haphazardly off their poles. Hypos were scattered. Someone's shirt, which was torn.

He realized he was on the floor because someone was on top of him. _Yeah, like, more than one person. Like, at least three._ One had to be Spock. It was his hand that on his neck- hurting it even now. He could tell. Spock's hand had been on Jim's neck before. It's kinda hard to forget the hand of the person who tried to kill you.

The other people, who knew who they were? And, honestly, who cared? It was getting old, lying here. Jim tried moving his hands which were behind his back and under people. They wouldn't budge. Something cold encircled them both. _Cuffs._

_Why am I cuffed? _The question he asked himself caused his breath to hitch.

The last thing he remembered clearly was sitting in the command chair and eating ice and being hungry and tired and about to make a speech about resigning.

The next thing he remembered, sort of, was talking to Admiral Cartwright about the threat Kodos the Executioner made on the Tarsus 9.

After that, the world went crazy.

Or, maybe he had gone crazy.

Were they going to get off him? Granted, it had been only seconds since the fog lifted from his mind, but Jim felt he'd been away from his crew for hours.

_Something must be going horrendously and horribly wrong._

"Jim?"

It was Bones, maintaining the severest look of fear Jim had ever seen on anyone. Jim groaned, his ribs about crushed from the weight.

"Umgh?" After he said, whatever he said, Spock removed his hand from Jim's neck.

"Are you going to to try to kill us again?"

"Uh uh." _  
_

He expected someone to speak nicely to him, or at least remove themselves from his body. But neither of those things happened.

"Jim?"

"Um... Bones?" _Being on the floor like this really, really sucks._

"You destroyed my room."

"If it helps, I don't remember." He groaned, really loud this time. _Get off me. I can't breathe._

"No, that doesn't help." Bones discarded his meanness for worry. "Get off him! He doesn't have the same strength anymore!"

"Uhura, if you get off first, the rest of us will follow."

_Uhura's on my back? This is interesting._

"I can't because Sulu's arms are entangled with my legs!'

_This is really interesting._

"Get off of me!" _Uhura doesn't sound too happy._

"I can't until you do." Sulu was just as trite.

Jim rolled his eyes. While he can't breathe. And while Bones is dragging people off his back.

"Why am I on this floor like a drakoulias squashed by a hengrauggi? You know, I've seen that before. I think I'm the only one in the universe who's seen that before. I know what it could feel like." He huffed. "It feels like this."

"I am very sorry, Captain."

_Finally. Someone apologizes, and it's Spock, for crying out loud._

It finally gets lighter but he still can't move.

"Jim, I'm going to have Sulu release your hands," said Bones. "Do not move, understand? I think we damaged your ribs when we tackled you."

"Ya think?" Jim winced. His arms felt broken. _Oh dear, God, please let them not be broken._ They fell limp to the floor. "Are they broken? My arms? They feel it."

"Jim?"

"Yeah, Bones."

"They're strained. Not broken. But no worries. I'm sure in ten minutes you'll feel like your delusional, super-strength self again."

"I take it things aren't going well." _My raspy voice has got to go._

"Peachy. Now, Spock, very gently lay him down on the biobed."

"Which one, doctor? Jim has broken all of them."

"I...what?"

"You broke them, Captain," Sulu sighed.

Jim saw Bones now, as Spock turned him on his back, which was not so gentle like Bones had ordered him to do. But then Spock rolled up a blanket to cushion his neck. _Ah. That was gentle. Stick with the gentle, Spock._

"What's going on, Spock?" Jim was quite startled to see Spock's face with what looked like the start of a very nice bruise._ I have a feeling that's there because of me._

"You have been drugged with a chemical akin to the Levodian Flu of the Klingons. At this stage, you are no longer recognizing us, being tormented by your memories, and have extraordinary strength. As this drug continues to be absorbed into your system, it will lead to even more violent tendencies. What you did to sickbay was a result of you wanting to act upon your memories, not necessarily kill us, as Dr. McCoy implied."

"And I need to go see Kodos." _Fabulous. Just great. I didn't mean to say that aloud._

Bones touched his ribs and began taping the damage.

"Where's your regenerator," Jim hissed out in pain.

"Someone tossed it to the floor," said Bones tightly.

_Oh._

"Don't have time for that anyways," Bones continued. "Sorry, Jim."

"Yes, Captain," said Spock. "Kodos also will fire upon the Enterprise with his ships if you do not succeed. We have a prisoner by the name of Jared Memphis Vager in the brig. We have affirmed he drugged you."

Jim hardly heard Spock. He was thinking of his history being known by some of his crew, which is what he'd wished Bones to do. But now that it was done, his feelings about the unveiling were overwhelming. Bones showed them. _They know. _Jim could tell by the way Spock looked at him. His wariness and a hint of compassion. _I'm glad they know. I can skip the "Hey, I'm the Tarsus ring leader" bit and work on the rest instead._

"Wait, Spock. Back up. Kodos will fire on the Enterprise?" _How did the man acquire ships?_

"Captain, he has incapacitated you in the course of his threat. Apparently to give you a situation where you cannot win."

"You mean, this drug is killing me."

"Yes. Within hours." Bones murmured.

"Hours?"

"Jim, I thought the drug would give you a day. It won't. I think you have just enough time to get to Revlair before..." Bones didn't finish.

"How am I supposed to face Kodos drugged? And why am I not drugged now?"

"Captain," Spock said, "you cannot face Kodos drugged. At this moment, you are experiencing a temporary reprieve from the drug effects. Thanks to both Dr. Marcus and Dr. McCoy, who considered usage of a different drug."

_Dr. Marcus._

_What's our weapons specialist doing helping Bones? Has she seen me like this?_

The thought was alarming. I_ have no chance she'd say yes to a date now._

"She's not in here now, is she?" Jim whispered to Spock. He just realized he was without his shirts. _Maybe that's my shirt, and my other shirt, over there on the floor. The torn shirts. Huh. Yes, I am only wearing an arm of one of my shirts. Interesting._

"Dr. Marcus is currently utilizing her skills to prepare the Enterprise." Spock didn't elaborate. _Odd_. Jim let it go. He had enough to think about.

"Where did Kodos say for me to meet him?"

"At a facility called The Green Gate."

_Shit. Of course._ "Kevin Riley is employed there."

"The member who is being held hostage."

"Yes."

"This ice planet is not uninhabitable?" Uhura's question, unwittingly, opened up another can of worms. One Jim couldn't process- yet.

"Unfortunately, there are innocent individuals residing within The Green Gate. I'll offer information on that in a moment," Jim stated. "Bones, will whatever you did for me now work again?"

"Maybe, but when this wears off and you go back to feeling the drug," Bones hesitated. "You'll be entering stage three soon."

"What's stage three like?" Jim asked. Bones wouldn't answer or look at him. _Bones, if you're scared, it must be bad_.

"Spock?" Jim turned on his frostiest glare. "Would someone please tell me what stage three is like?"

"Your memories will provoke you to violence and we will not be able to stop you unless we resort to hurting you."

"We'll have to work on a solution for that," Jim said with a frown. _That's an understatement._ "Meanwhile, Spock, you'll have to use this drug again when we reach Revlair. The Enterprise can't be near Kodos' ships sensors so we need to maintain a good distance away. My first visit to Revlair was in 2250, during an elite science investigation of the use of thoron fields."

"What?" Jim said at their confusion. "I was bored that year so I pretended to be a Russian doctoral graduate at seventeen. The second time I visited was just nine months ago. There are significantly fewer fields than there were in 2250, but Dr. Marcus and Chekov will be able to utilitize them if Kodos' ships come near the Enterprise."

"You wish us to bluff our way out of an attack and distort their sensors," Spock said, "using the thoron fields and duranium shadows."

"Precisely," said Jim. "It will buy us time. We have to use one of the shuttlecrafts to get to Revlair, and you'll need Uhura and Sulu to accompany Spock and myself. I want Dr. Marcus to act as captain while we are off ship."

Spock lifted an eyebrow.

"Wait, what?" Bones exclaimed. "First, you didn't mention me accompanying you to Revlair. Secondly, Dr. Marcus?"

"Bones," Jim sighed. "Spock. I trust her. She'll do a fine job. Especially since we have no idea of what we are dealing with weapons-wise on Kodos' ships. She also has command training."

"Captain, although your decision concerning Dr. Marcus is unorthodox, I concur her training is proficient to allow her to command the Enterprise. However, I do not think it wise for you to go to Revlair without the assistance of Dr. McCoy."

"Spock, I'm concerned about the well-being of all those onboard if Kodos fires on the Enterprise. We will land as close as we can to Kodos and if you have the hypo, Spock, then I'm sure we'll figure something out. Okay?" _That, and I don't want him to see me die._

"Captain, it is unwise, and as your health has surely compromised you, I will not allow you to set foot upon Revlair without Dr. McCoy."

"Spock. I do not want Bones to go with me."

"Captain, you have no choice in the matter."

"No."

"It is no longer arguable. Dr. McCoy will accompany you."

"Spock."

"Captain."

"Dammit, Spock, I don't want him to see me at the end! Alright?" Jim shouted. "I can't do that to him. I don't want you to think you failed, Bones!"

Jim sniffed and lifted one very sore hand to shield his eyes so he could ignore whatever anyone was doing around him. Like, showing pity that he was crying. _This was not going well._ He was tired, in pain, and terribly emotionally compromised. So he did something he was quite good at doing- he ignored the problem and what he had just said. "Spock, will the phaser's stun put me down?"

"It did for 4.4 seconds," said Spock.

"Could it before the drug kicks in again? What about the nerve pinch?" Jim asked. _I hate the nerve pinch._

"A combination of Uhura, Sulu and myself, the stun, and the nerve pinch enabled Dr. McCoy to administer the drug. If given the strongest sedative Dr. McCoy has before the other drug activates again, the probability that it could kill you is 25.6%. The probability that it will keep you unconscious for a duration of 8 hours is 24.5%.

"Jim, I don't recommend that option," stated Bones.

Jim looked warily at his friend. "Yeah, me neither. But I sure wouldn't mind some sleep. Spock, how far away from Revlair are we?"

"Thirteen hours, twelve minutes, 46 seconds at current speed."

"We need to go to full warp. Surprise Kodos."

"The nerve pinch won't work the next time we need you down when you're feeling the affects of the drug, Jim. We'll need something stronger." Bones knelt beside him with a roll of bandages. "Spock needs you fixed up so you can interrogate the prisoner. Sulu, give me a hand and sit Jim up, please."

That particular maneuver caused Jim to panic. "Bones, I can't sit myself up at all. Sorry, Sulu." He hated being a deadweight.

"At least your shirt is already practically torn off. Uhura, help me. It'll go faster. We are running out of time," Bones said as he began applying a wrap next. The furrow on Bones' brow deepened with each pass he made around Jim's chest with the bandage. Jim felt Uhura's fingers on his back and flinched. She would see his scars, no doubt. The closest anyone had, except for Bones.

"Sorry you have to see my sexy back, Uhura." He tried to laugh, but was only able to offer a sharp gasp. "Shit, that hurts."

He'd gotten the pseudo-skin put on, not for impressing women, but so no one would have to feel the shock of seeing his grim reality in such a pure form.

"Captain, it is I who am sorry." She murmured in his ear.

"This will help," said Bones.

_Not likely._ "Put me in the brig when this drug wears off. You're going to have to shoot me with several phasers set to stun then, when the time comes to transport me to Revlair. If that doesn't work, do your best to have me out. You can't beam all of us down. We may need the ship to transport equipment and perhaps a few passengers on return. Scotty can help you with this part. Tell him to inform you of our mission nine months ago in conjunction with Ambassador Spock and Section 31."

"The Ambassador? Captain, please explain why-" Spock asked.

"Long story, Spock. Scotty can explain that to you. I fear systems on Revlair were compromised. You would have heard from Ambassador Spock, who keeps tabs on Revlair." Jim panted from the exertion. "What is the prisoner's name again?

"Jared Memphis Vager."

_Memphis._

_Please, no, not him._

* * *

"Jim?"

When Spock repeated the name of the prisoner, Jim's face went slack, even as Dr. McCoy and Sulu hoisted him to his feet. Whatever discomfort Jim experienced, Spock knew Jim ignored it. _His mind is going to that place- without the drug._ _I need to perform another mind meld as soon as possible. The probability that I can get through to him again is is decreasing by 6.7% every five minutes, even without the drug's effects._

"You know, avoiding being slaughtered along with my aunt and uncle was plain dumb luck." Jim laughed bitterly. "Most of the town was invited to a meeting- probably a total of 750 to 1,000 in that room. It was huge. We were all nervous, especially my uncle. I'd not been invited but went anyways. Maybe because I was a visitor, not supposed to stay. My aunt told me to go outside after they'd been seated. I listened to her. Why? I don't know. I didn't usually listen. A premonition, I guess. And then at the last minute I grabbed my cousin's arm-he was talking to his friend, who I knew as Memphis Vager- and pulled him outside. We hadn't eaten much for days already and were not the energetic kids we usually were. A few minutes after the two of us had been lying on the grass watching a spectacular array of comets, we heard the steady rhythm of the phasers. We hid in a nearby field.

Dr. McCoy had finished wrapping Jim with the bandage. "Sulu, help me get this on Jim," McCoy whispered as he held up a black shirt. They first pulled off what was left on his body from the other shirt- the left sleeve. Jim, unaware of the proceedings, continued on in low anguish. Even Spock could hardly hear him. Uhura used a cloth to wipe the sweat of his face.

"Hours after my friends, family, and neighbors were killed, I went inside. The guards had set fire to the building and then left. I screamed at my cousin when he tried to go in, and punched him. That hurt, but I couldn't let him be killed, too. It hurt worse when I went in, getting third degree burns, just looking for someone to save. I found Memphis alive with a small wound on his arm, half hidden underneath his own parents, who were dead."

"Memphis wouldn't walk, so I had to pick him up. He was three years younger than me but tall. He wasn't the toughest kid I had to carry, but he was unconsolable. He cried. That's all he did for days."

Jim, leaning heavily on McCoy, looked at Spock. "I saved him. After Kevin, Tom, I were caught, I didn't know what happened to many of the others until I heard of the trial. Then I knew some had died. I thought Memphis had died. Never heard his name until now. Never mentioned at the trial. And now, you're telling me that Memphis drugged me?"

"Yes. He confessed to following Kodos' order to drug you."

"I don't get it. Unless he was brainwashed. Unless he had sold us out before we were captured."

"He would not be the same person you recall from Tarsus. His agenda may include unexpected specifics."

"That's what I'm afraid of." Jim pushed away from McCoy, attempting to stand upright. He did fairly well but Spock saw how great the effort was for Jim. The security officers were right outside sickbay and could help Jim walk to the brig. "I guess this is it. Sulu and Uhura, talk to Scotty, then bring Spock up to speed. Dr. Marcus and Chekov will work through what we can do with the thoron fields. Spock, stay in the brig with me until it looks like I'm going out of it again. From now on, you're in charge of that decision. You'll be exchanging Memphis for me in the brig. It may be tricky. Place Memphis where he can be heavily guarded, away from me. Something about this- it doesn't seem right. Obviously, I don't trust him, but I have a feeling he is using Kodos as much as Kodos is using him. Also, if you can, I'd like to talk to Dr. Marcus when I'm in the brig. Preferably, before the effects begin again."

"You have mere minutes, Jim," said Bones. "I think Spock should mind meld with you again as the drug starts to take affect. It seemed to calm your stats. You'll be emotionally and physically provoked after you talk to Memphis."

"Wait," Jim was horrified. "Spock, you performed a mind meld on me? Dammit."

"Jim, you asked me to do whatever is needed, even if it causes you pain," stated Spock.

"It won't cause me pain I'm not used to. It'll cause you pain." Jim paled. "I'm so sorry."

"Jim, I am not afraid." Spock was inches from Jim, his eyes locked in a formidable stare-down with him._ If I can help you, I will not allow you to self-destruct._

Jim was the first to look away visibly shaken. "I'm sorry for all of this."

"Captain," said Uhura softly. "Please, trust Spock. Please. We don't have time. You don't have time."

Jim nodded and slowly brought his gaze back up to Spock's. He saw trust in the captain's eyes._  
_

"Let's get moving, then," Jim quietly commanded.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek.

AN: Dear Patient Readers, I'm happy to share this particular chapter to Jim/Carol fans. The next update won't be for a few days, so I do hope you enjoy this part of the story and that it helps the wait. :)

* * *

Chapter 8

His steps were excruciating slow, a result of broken and bruised ribs.

"Security, carry the captain."

"No, Bones," Jim protested his current state of frailty.

"Jim, accepting assistance will save us 1.2 minutes," said Spock. The accuracy was getting to Jim. He'd been told his time was short, and as much as he wanted to deny it, Jim couldn't. Both Bones and Spock said "minutes."

"After the five in sickbay, and another to get to the brig, Jim, you are down to four minutes of sanity," Bones muttered.

"Maybe it'll give me 15 minutes," Jim offered, with a grim smile, trying to be hopeful for his crew.

Spock and Bones agreed with an adamant, "No, it will not, Jim."

_I'll fight the drug more this time._ Already, his own pep talk unnerved him. Though he was certain he'd fought the effects, he hardly remembered doing so before. Bones had tried to humor him with what he had said to Carol, and Jim had to hand it to Bones- Jim had said some downright embarrassing things. All those things he did not remember saying, but were true. Like thinking of Carol's smile when things were bad in his brain.

And now, here he stood, a step away from coming face to face with Memphis. Only 360 seconds and counting to get as much information from him as possible.

"Captain," said Spock. It was a vocal nudge from him to "start moving." _I'm trying, but this is one of the most difficult things I have ever done._

As he first looked in through the glass of the brig where Memphis sat, Jim's memories of his days rescuing and keeping other children alive flooded his brain. He grabbed onto Spock's arm, felt Spock stiffen, but Jim could not let go. _The brig is the size of our hideout. I've never noticed that. _He imagined Tom at the entrance, the most diligent of guards. A few of the children would've been in a corner, telling stories to get their minds off the starvation killing their bodies. Memphis, who'd been the loner of the group, would've sat alone, just as he was alone now.

Half of the children Jim had saved perished before Starfleet had arrived. They were the center of his nightmares- his failure to ultimately save those other children, those who should've became part of the Tarsus 9. More than a dozen years after living on Tarsus IV, Memphis was definitely not the same kid Jim had known. This kid looked smug, just as Uhura told him as they parted ways in the hall. Memphis' face changed when he saw Jim, and Jim detected the facade he instinctively expected from him.

_He is hiding something. Don't trust him. Jim_ kept repeating the words to himself, as if the drugs were already in effect again and he was fighting it.

Without realizing it, Jim was in the brig. He'd spaced out while holding on to Spock and remembering. _Did I panic?_ He searched Spock's face but the Commander was expressionless. _Just like I should be right now. Focus, Jim._

He let go of Spock's arm and walked towards Memphis, who sat on the bench connected to the wall. The young man looked like he could hold his own in a bar fight. That was the another detail Jim came up with. Memphis was no longer skinny. No wonder Jim had not realized who he was. He was brawny.

"JT." The name on Memphis' lips sounded like a curse. _Why are you so bitter towards me?_

"Memphis. I'm glad to see you." _I really am. Just sad about the choices you made._

Memphis scoffed. "Seriously? I wouldn't be. You don't have to lie, JT."

"I am not lying. I am glad you're alive."

"Oh, right. JT, ever the hero. I forgot."

"Memphis, what happened?" _What did Kodos do to you?_

"You left us." His voice had turned cold.

"Memphis- Kevin, Tom, and I went out to look for more food. Something. Anything. We had every intention of returning. You knew that."

"You may have started to search for food, but you never came back."

"We couldn't," came Jim's quiet answer. "All three of us were caught. I couldn't run as fast as before and fell in the dust. So, I was the first. Tom and Kev- they should have left me, but they stayed. Kodos' men took us, chained us..."

"You abandoned us." Memphis said. "You got what you wanted, and never came back because you were rescued," Memphis said as he nervously scuffed the floor with his shoes. "Right? That's what they told us."

"Who told you that, Memphis?"

"Kodos' men, when they found the rest of us. They said you sold us out." Memphis scowled at Jim. "You left us to die."

"Memphis, that's not true." Jim spoke as if he were talking to a child. Is that _where Memphis was stuck? His thoughts rationalized by what he was as a child. Is that where I have been all these years, too_? "Whatever the reason, we need to talk about what is going on here now."

"No way." Memphis said. "Not until you tell me what happened to you."

_I don't have time. But he knows that._

"Torture. To get information, which we never gave." _There. That sums it up._

"Good. That's what you get for leaving the rest of us. Kodos told me every day after he spared me. Kodos told me it would be good for you, because of your deception." Memphis pulled himself up to walk. Spock moved in front of Jim, but the protection wasn't necessary as Memphis only paced the area parallel to the bench, repeating the words he said to Jim.

"Kodos told me. Kodos told me it'd be good for you."

The distorted view Memphis had of Tarsus was alarming. Jim should have felt betrayal from the words coming from his old friend's mouth, but instead all he felt was pity. _Is this how Memphis deals with their shared past? Placing himself in league with the very man who had damaged them all?_

"Where have you been all this time, Memphis?"

According to records, Memphis had been of those who'd died in the cave. Jim had only kept close tabs on Kevin, the youngest of the nine who'd survived. Helped him get a job on Revlair after he learned Kevin was a genius. _Ten...there were ten now when you add Memphis._

"Where have you been all this time, JT," Memphis threw back at him. "You disappeared. You didn't help your friends at the trial."

_Spock, don't condemn me when you hear this._

"No, I was sicker than any of you knew when Starfleet finally arrived. I was in the hospital for almost eight months, using an alias. And I hated my mother at that point," Jim admitted. "I did not want her to take me home. I...I acted insane in front of the psychiatrists and my mother. Winona didn't claim me as her son, James T. Kirk, after that and my name managed to slip away from the records. I found my own way, with a little help from my older brother, who kept me hidden for awhile while my health struggled to improve. When I heard Kodos was on trial and several of you already had identified him, I was not in a place to face him, or anybody."

"You were a coward." Memphis stated.

"I was a traumatized thirteen-year old kid." _And a coward._

"Jim." Spock's warning chilled him. _No. I need more time. Breathe Jim, don't panic._

"I can help you get Kevin," said Memphis. "You'll need to promise to get Kodos' daughter, Lenore, on board. Her father won't fire on the Enterprise if you do."

"His daughter? Where is she?"

"At The Green Gate, a naive visitor." Memphis stared at Jim. "I will tell you exactly where Kevin is and how they are guarding him if you promise to get Lenore on board the Enterprise."

"Why do you want to help us?"

"Kodos will kill you, JT, to seek his revenge for saving those who identified him. He won't kill me, because he saved me. But you, he'll kill you." Memphis' face held sorrow as he looked at Jim. "But you can save Riley."

"Go on," said Jim.

_George, I can't do this without you._

"Captain?" Spock's gaze was knowing.

_It's happening._

"Memphis, you will tell the Commander what I need to know to rescue Kevin after he transfers you to another containment room." Jim faced Memphis. Maybe for the last time. _I hope not. I want to see him get better._ "I cannot let you go. You know that. I will do everything in my power to ensure you receive the help you need."

_I'm seven, it's midnight, and I can't go home. I just can't. I hate him..._

"Jim."

"Commander," said Jim, "please escort..." _Who?_ He couldn't finish, but sent a panicked look to Spock.

Spock nodded. "Jared Vager, you will accompany me."

"Some hero," sneered Memphis as Spock gave him over to security. "Do you ever tire of trying to save everyone? Do you ever remember the time you failed? Do you know you're going to fail now?"

_Memphis. This is Memphis_. "I'm sorry I failed you."

"Don't fight it, JT. You can't win," Memphis taunted.

_But I will try._

Jim leaned one arm against the window of the brig as Memphis passed him by, that smug expression on Memphis' face once more. It was peculiar, being on this side of the brig once the prisoner had walked away. And humbling.

"Spock, get Dr. Marcus." _Before I go out of control. Before I lose my nerve to ask her out on that date we probably won't ever have._

"Captain, I do not think it wise. Your stability is decreasing- "

"I understand. Spock, I need to talk with her." His head folded in beside his arm and he looked at Spock from under his elbow. "Please."

"Dr. Marcus, please report to the brig."

"Thank you." Jim drew a deep breath from where he still leaned.

Memphis' words echoed fitfully, scratching at the surface, as he waited for Carol. _Do you ever remember the time you failed?_

_Always. _It had been Bones who pulled him through, nightmare after nightmare. Before, he'd done it on his own. A very poor job of it, too. His drinking had almost spiraled out of control that week Pike found him at the bar, and challenged him. _I __dare you to do better. _And then he had met Bones. They complimented each other's craziness- most of the time, one bailing the other out of trouble. After Bones, it was Spock who'd come alongside after awhile, steadying Jim in ways he'd not expected, especially after Jim had walked to his own death to save his crew.

_Do you ever tire of trying to save everyone?_

Flashes of his unwanted past circled his mind like birds of prey. They were getting closer. A strange warmth came with them, and he almost welcomed it, along with the surge of strength. Then he heard Carol's voice, a whisper to remain awake in this world, not in the other tugging him.

"Jim?"

Her face was close to his, outside the glass. Within kissing distance, had there not been a rude barrier. He sighed. _She is so beautiful_. Jim could tell she'd been working. Her lab coat was on, as well as her more serious face. He weakly smiled. "You're a brave woman, coming to talk to a prisoner."

"You're a brave man, wanting to talk to a weapons specialist." She grinned at his attempt to joke. He just stared like a dumb kid, unable to form a word to impress her. _As usual._ "May I come inside?"

Jim eagerly glanced at Spock, delighted with her question, feeling like a school boy._ I didn't even have to ask him myself. Surely he'll agree._ Jim pulled himself upward easier than expected. His ribs did not hurt as much, probably the drug reabsorbing caused a healing affect. "Can she?"

"For a moment." Spock exited the brig and for a few seconds, Jim lost sight of them both.

"Carol?"

Relieved to see she had not changed her mind as she entered the brig and afraid she was going to walk right out, he blurted out what he had been contemplating for months.

"Would you like to go out on a date, a real date, with me?"

_Dammit. She hasn't answered yet. She's not even smiling. I want her to smile._

"I mean, because it's hard to do that on a ship. But, I'd like to. Go on a date with you. If you think I'm playing you, I'm not. I know I have a reputation, but I'm not that way anymore. I mean, Carol- "

"Jim."

"I'm a mess, I know that. But I'll do everything I can to- "

"Jim, I- "

"Seriously, if you'd rather not, then let's forget it. Okay. Never mind. I probably won't make- "

"James Tiberius Kirk!"

Jim gaped at her. It was all he could do. _Did she just call me by my full name?_

"Don't you dare tell me you won't make it after you ask me out on a date. Don't you dare put words in my mouth or my head. I do not think you are playing me. I know you have a reputation, but do you think I never did? It was only because I'm a weapons specialist who is immersed in her work that I hardly get asked out anymore. And do you think I don't know you're serious? Jim, I'm an intelligent woman. I'm a woman who cares for you. I'm a woman who thinks you have a wonderful romantic side in you waiting to be unleashed and dammit, Jim, I want to be that woman who makes you be romantic!"

She used Bones' phrase. _Can't believe she did that. And she used my full name. Who does that?_

Jim blinked, trying to figure out if she was an apparition of his mind. Spock seemed to be enjoying the interaction. _Unbelievable- he's smirking._

"I understand now, Captain, why you feel Dr. Marcus fully equipped to take charge of your ship while we are on Revlair," said Spock.

"You are giving me captainship of the Enterprise, Jim, while you are on Revlair?"

"Yes," he said.

"I could kiss you."

Jim was well aware this was not the most professional conversation to have concerning who would run the ship, but having Dr. Marcus say she could kiss him made him do something he swore he'd never do.

He blushed. He felt it, from the base of his neck, creeping all the way to his cheeks, and then some._ Is my whole face on fire? Must be, Spock is hiding his mouth. Oh my God, is he laughing?_

"You what?"

"I could kiss you, Jim." Her statement, clear as the glass in the brig separating them from the rest of the Enterprise, unfurled the desire in his heart.

"I wish you would," he whispered. "You could take this vulnerability of mine and stomp on it, Dr. Marcus, or allow me the honor of your kiss."

"Well, then, Captain," she said as she closed the distance between them.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek.

AN: Warning- This chapter hurt my heart (and head) to write. Descriptions of child abuse in second half. The first part of this, some of you may be after my head, too. *ducking.*

AN: Your reviews, etc, have been wonderful. Thank you!

* * *

Chapter 9

_Uhura would be fascinated to see Jim caught off guard by a woman._

Since meeting Jim at the bar in Iowa, Uhura had often scorned Jim and his way of using women, which never cultivated any deep relationship. Until, she had told Spock, she'd been under his captainship and caught a glimpse of what Jim tried to hide- a vulnerability that he'd never admit to having.

A more definite crack in Jim's armor came as he recuperated from the radiation and blood transfusion after Dr. McCoy revived him with Kahn's blood. Spock did not need Uhura's observations to affirm his own- Jim Kirk shockingly shied away from women after his dance with death._ Are you losing your touch, Jim? Uhura had asked him. _After that, she teased Jim, in their familial sparring.

_It appears Jim has met his match in Dr. Marcus_. Spock had not held back his smirk because he had not expected anyone to leave Jim speechless.

As much as Dr. Marcus and Jim's kiss enveloped all the passion and hope two humans could possibly desire, the kiss more importantly initiated the task he'd given Dr. Marcus.

She succeeded. Jim's hands, still slightly tired from the fight, had been easily manipulated without his keen sense of awareness. The kiss was as much as a distraction as it was real. The only reason Dr. Marcus agreed to kiss Jim within the confines of the brig cell was to save his life, implications that it would be of traitorous constitution aside. Spock had given her the Klingon made cuffs as she passed him by the entrance to the brig. She'd hidden them behind her with both her hands until she had properly guided the moment.

The kiss broke, both Jim and Carol slightly breathless.

"You should go, now." Jim's face had turned gray. "I can't fight this anymore, Carol. I- "

He jerked his hands. "What the hell? What did you do?"

"I'm sorry, Jim," Carol whispered as she backed into Spock in her attempt to leave the brig.

"You cuffed me? Why?" Jim implored with broken astonishment.

"I'm sorry, Jim," she said a second time.

"Okay, okay. I think I understand. You needed to. Right?" His face distorted in confusion. "Wait. What the hell?" His second attempt to break the cuffs failed, and in his frustration he rammed his arms into the wall. "Dammit. Get these off me!"

Carol cupped a hand to her mouth in horror as Jim continued to self-inflict pain in his effort to escape.

"Jim, they will not come off. Sit down," Spock ordered. Jim flew at the wall in a direct hit to his hands, and Spock flinched at the damage Jim did to his body. _They will be deeply bruised thereafter._

"Dr. Marcus, please leave the brig immediately."

"I understand, sir," Dr. Marcus said quietly, slipping around Spock, giving Jim a last look of longing and guilt.

"I. Will. Get. Them. Off." With each emboldened word Jim slammed himself into the wall, a desperate attempt. "I do not know who you are, but you cannot keep me in here!"

Spock waited until Dr. Marcus was at the outside edge of the window to speak with her again.

"Dr. Marcus, inform Dr. McCoy I will perform a mind meld with Jim," he ordered swiftly. "In the event I am unable to completely assist Jim in a mind meld, please inform security to break the connection two hours within proximity to Revlair. I do not know how long this will take. Dr. Marcus..."

"Yes, sir." She hesitated at her spot outside the window, giving a worried glance at Jim, who momentarily ceased beating himself against the sides of the brig and was instead scanning the left side of the brig cell, top to bottom. _Jim is devising a way to escape. __He is in slight physical distress. He will reach his peak in maximum physical strength within three hours._

"It was necessary to save him."

"I know, but I hate myself for doing that to him," she said. "I just want Jim back."

_So do I._

Everything in her voice told Spock she still cared deeply for Jim. Spock wanted nothing more than to give him back to her for her sake, but mostly for Jim.

Dr. Marcus walked past and Jim rushed to the window. Neither Spock nor Dr. Marcus could ignore his tremendous rage when he slammed his chest and shoulder into the window to look at Carol Marcus. His eyes were not the brilliant blue so familiar to them but a frigid black deep with the onset of stage three of the drug.

_A most disturbing side effect Dr. McCoy had failed to mention._

"Oh my God," whispered Dr. Marcus. As she touched the area of the window close to his face, Jim's eyes followed the movement of her fingers and he frowned slightly when she paused. "Jim," she pleaded.

"You bitch," came Jim's snarled whisper at her. "I will find you. You will regret this." He kicked the window, and then turned his back to her as swiftly as he had rushed to the window.

"Now, what?" Jim shouted at Spock. "Got a woman to do your dirty work, and you plan on keeping me in here?" Jim still strained to get his hands out of the cuffs. "I will find a way out."

"Jim," said Spock.

"Don't call me that."

"It's imperative that you cooperate, or- "

"Or, what? We fight?"

"I do not wish to fight you, Jim."

"You're Vulcan, so you should know the outcome. You figure it out. What will a fight lead to?"

"It is now more probable that you shall win," commented Spock. This Jim displayed sarcasm, as his Jim did.

"Yet, you stand here, debating it."

"Jim- "

"Don't call me that." Jim shouted. "I don't want to hear that name." He cringed and backed up a step.

Spock, seeing how Jim was affected, said it again. "Jim."

"Stop it," Jim's chest heaved.

"Why does the name bother you?

"I...it...just leave me alone." Jim's voice cracked. His coal-colored eyes wavered.

"Jim, please sit down." Spock spoke softly as Jim's hesitation gave him a small but increased probability Jim would not be provoked to violence.

"I can't...I don't want..." Jim stopped his mental struggle and the crease in his brow relaxed. "No. No, you listen."

Jim defied Spock's logic and stepped towards him, the same hatred in Jim's eyes Spock had seen in sickbay returning. No more recognition. No more struggle. No more Jim. The man before him was a disturbed and violent human- the threat to the Enterprise Spock must impede. This man had the glittering, black eyes of destruction. This man was also the friend Spock carried an overwhelming, unmatched need to restore.

"Let me out, or we will fight and you will die."

* * *

The Vulcan would be tough to fight, no doubt, based on the fact he was strong, logical, and trained in advanced hand-to-hand combat techniques.

_Logic will not outlast my strength._

The Vulcan had been efficient in the removal of the blonde-haired woman from the cell after she'd cuffed him.

_I will find her._

He rid himself of his rage for a moment to adjust to his surroundings, finding the vents particular intriguing if he had to use them. Since this was a starship, they'd lead to a variety of interesting places, and James had an intuition he knew exactly where the hangar was through this series of vents.

_It will be a tight fit._ But nothing James could not handle after tearing covers off with his cuffed hands.

_The cuffs._

Those were a different story. Having his hands captured in such a way had developed an overwhelming desire in him to hurt the responsible party. And then find the release trigger for his hands' prison.

_You will die._

The Vulcan had surely instigated it. Yes, he will die. The woman, she would pay in some other way. Terror, perhaps. A slow, taunting teasing.

The more James contemplated, the greater satisfaction he had for what was to come.

_I will enjoy this fight._

James' feet practically lifted in anticipation, having felt the rush at the Vulcan's waiting for him to make the first move. It would be the logical choice for the Vulcan and James would allow it._ I will still win._ He gave the Vulcan another moment, to feed his confidence. Then, a few seconds before he rushed at the Vulcan, a mocking smile came to James' lips. At that, the Vulcan's countenance became severely troubled.

He purposely slid on his feet at the last possible instant to knock the Vulcan onto the ground and avoid any arm swings and punches. Unexpected or not, the Vulcan hit the floor hard. James shifted his legs to put the Vulcan's neck in a lock and squeezed.

The Vulcan stunned him.

The jolt was sharp and angered him all the more. Why were they after him, anyways? He did not know them. Nonetheless, he wanted nothing more than to continue in a physical tirade. He could not stop himself.

He attacked the Vulcan with fervor, restricting his oxygen and crushing his throat. Hearing him gasp amused him. The panic set in the Vulcan's eyes as James moved himself to a half-sitting position to see the Vulcan suffer.

_Did you see what he did?_

_You never loved her!_

Words and images he vaguely remembered rushed to his consciousness. He and The Vulcan. Only the Vulcan was murderously choking him instead.

_Spock? Was that the Vulcan's name?_

The Vulcan lifted a shaking hand and before James could move out of the way, he was stunned repeatedly, four times total. It was enough to loosen the fierce grip on his enemy's neck and be promptly flipped onto his stomach.

The Vulcan leaned over James, pressing his weight on his torso and hands. With a fresh vehemence, James thrust his head back. It met Spock's head with a crack.

James shoved his deadweight enemy off his back.

* * *

The head pain was excruciating. Spock came out of the wave of stars pounding him.

Jim dislocated his left shoulder and was halfway done bringing his arms from the back of his body to the front. _He will capable of more brutality than before when he succeeds._

Spock raised himself to his feet and barreled towards Jim, making contact as soon as Jim pulled his cuffs into his chest. They crashed against the window of the brig. Jim's hands whipped at Spock but he swerved enough to miss the hit. Jim was thrown to the wall as Spock thrust one arm into the area Jim would be most vulnerable- his dislocated shoulder.

Under Spock's hand, Jim's body reacted to the pain in a way his Jim would- with shock and determination. Despite Jim's trembling, Spock would not be dissuaded, not even by the torment in his friend's dark eyes. Spock assaulted the painful shoulder with as much force as possible.

_Jim's face has achieved a shade of white. __His pain tolerance has decreased by 45% as I apply force to his shoulder. He will no longer be in control. It is time. _Spock applied the nerve pinch on the same side of Jim's injury even as Jim gave a feeble attempt to push Spock away with his cuffed hands.

As Jim's eyes rolled back and he lost consciousness, Spock caught him before he hit the floor and laid him on the bench with careful precision. _The shoulder will have to wait, although Dr. McCoy will surely have my head. _The cuffs still enabled, Spock knelt, sorrowful to perform a mind meld on an unwilling party. For that was, in essence, what Jim was. _Unwilling._

* * *

As he came into Jim's mind, Sam was guarding Jim. Sitting in the darkness beside a wide-eyed, fearful six-year old Jim, Spock could make out through the cracks of the closet door a young but still-older brother redirecting the rage of the boys' Uncle Frank. Spock saw the short tuffs of Jim's breath carve the air. It was bitterly cold, as if the temperature system within the entire building had malfunctioned. Jim's lips were hued with blue and he shivered in his lightly-layered clothed body. Spock touched Jim's ice-cold hands he had folded at his knees. The boy looked up at Spock with familiar vibrant blue eyes.

_Fear. An overwhelming fear._

Spock looked at the hands he touched. Scratches, contusions, burns. Jim inched away from Spock.

"This happens every night," whispered Jim. "Sam. Frank. Sam, he tries to protect me."

The door scraped open bringing with it the brightness of the adjacent room. It revealed the blood-shot eyes of Jimmy, the worn-out gaze of Sam, and a passed out Frank on the couch. Several bottles lay empty on the floor, another held limply in Frank's hand dangling off the couch.

"Jimmy," said Sam.

"Sam? Did he hurt you?"

"Naw, not too bad. Come on, little bro. You have a little time to eat before he wakes up." Sam pulled Jim up from the floor the closet. As Jim stepped into the light of the room Spock saw what covered Jim's hands had not failed to litter the boy's arms and legs as well.

"Good-bye," Jimmy said to Spock. "Don't come back. It's not safe here."

Jimmy closed the door behind him, an irrepressible darkness settling in Spock's soul.

For a moment, Spock could not keep his emotions in check and his hand pounded the wall. Seeing Jim so little, so scared, yet so brave angered him. Spock heard a shout, and he opened the door himself.

"You get back here, you little..." Uncle Frank spun a now eight-year old Jimmy around by a yank on his shirt. "You are a no-good little brat." The adult hand smacked Jimmy to the floor. Blood came from the boy's ear. Spock did not think as he rushed over to Jim's side.

Uncle Frank kicked at Jimmy, but Spock surrounded the little boy with his body to get the brunt of the abuse.

"I will not let harm come to you today," Spock whispered.

Time after time Jim's uncle beat Spock with his boots. When he stopped, Spock could not move- every inch of his body ached. It was his head which felt like a million, shattered pieces.

"I'm sorry," said Jimmy, tears coming down his face. "You shouldn't be here. You shouldn't have done that. Sam went home with friends after school today. He does that almost every day now."

Jimmy rubbed away his tears. "He'll pass out again, and then I'm going to my favorite spot to stay the night."

_You don't spend the night here?_

"I can't sleep when Frank's in the house. Not without Sam," Jimmy sobbed. "I want my mom. I hate that she left. I just want my mom!"

Spock pulled Jim close, an embrace he would gladly give a distraught child. The boy curled in close until his crying ceased.

"I'm sorry," Jim said. "I shouldn't be crying. We need to go."

Spock followed young Jim up the stairs to his bedroom, where Jim took a backpack from under his bed. Posters of starships flooded a single wall, including one of the Kelvin. "That was my dad's ship. He died saving my mom's life." Jim frowned. "You knew that, though, right? Everyone knows that. Anyways, we use the window in my room to get out of the house."

Why, Spock saw no logic in it, for no tree grew outside for climbing down neither did any other structure exist within close proximity to aid in their escape. Child-Jim was curiously just as dangerously illogical as he was when captain.

As Jim climbed out, it was clear to Spock the boy freehanded the entire way down the old farmhouse. Spock followed in the same manner. From then on, Jim did not speak until they had walked, limping, a few miles to reach a library and study complex adjacent to the school in Riverside.

Jim broke in through a side door using his own PADD with ease.

_Fascinating._

More fascinating was the lack of sleep Jim got in the extensive library. "I don't sleep much," shrugged the eight year old. "It's better to keep my mind busy." And, indeed, Jim's mind took in as much information within the midnight hours at the library. It rivaled what Spock had as a Vulcan child educated in logic. Jim worked, also, on his PADD, and as Spock raised an eyebrow in question when he saw different equations completed years ahead for a human eight year old, Jim flustered his response. "Um, just getting ahead in school."

Hours later, both slept uncomfortably on chairs in a partially abandoned room.

"Spock, we have to leave. Security." Jim lightly shook his arm.

Leaving the library unrested and sore from Frank's rage the day before, Spock and Jim stepped immediately back in the farmhouse, upstairs in Jim's room.

A door slammed, and Spock heard Frank yelling up the stairs about policeman.

Jim breathed heavily as he sat on his bed, pressing his ribs. He looked older now, maybe ten, and too resigned to the battle forthcoming. "You better go. This won't be pretty."

Spock turned to the bedroom door as Frank stormed in.

"You think you're so smart, telling those cops about me." Frank yelled, pulling Jim up by his arm. The flinch young Jim gave struck Spock as something so innate to child-Jim that Spock's stomach churned.

"I didn't, they jus..."

"Shut up!" Frank pushed Jim on the rug, and reached to tear the Kelvin poster off the wall. "You're a no good liar, and I don't know why my sister had to leave you here with me. You're brother didn't give me much trouble, but you..." Frank slapped him across the face, causing Jim to lie prostrate on his rug. "They notice you at school, because you're too smart for your own good," Frank said sarcastically. "They want James T. Kirk to be tip-top shape for whatever they want you to perform in. Like a dog."

Frank sneered and spit on the boy. He left Jim trembling on the floor.

"Jim," said Spock softly, going to him. He picked the young boy up and placed him on the bed. Jim refused to look at him.

"Really, I don't know why you are staying. Everything hurts around here." Jim whispered. His blue eyes filled but no tears fell. "Sam left me, Spock. He just left."

Spock sighed and looked at the empty spot on the wall where the Kelvin poster once occupied. He walked to where it lay in pieces and picked them up.

"It's no use," said Jim. "I put it up, he takes it down. I don't know why I bother."

Spock held those pieces of Jim's life in his hand for a moment, thinking of all he learned about his friend.

"Spock, my mom's here."

Spock looked up in surprise. Jim had a somber smile, and looked approximately another year older. Eleven. "I have a plan."

_When James T. Kirk has a plan, one must watch out._

Winona Kirk was in the kitchen, not cooking, not listening, not doing anything but staring out the window above the sink. Jim had set the table and waited in his chair for his mother. When Spock heard Frank's car in the driveway, he glanced at Jim, whose face whitened.

"I thought Uncle Frank was out for the evening."

"No, it's his house, you know Jimmy," his mother muttered. She turned, a fake bright smile on her face. "Now, tell me about school."

Jim nervously began to talk about chess club, but Frank rushed in, pushing Spock aside and not even acknowledging Winona.

"I was almost arrested today at work," he fired at Jim. Spock's chest tightened with fear. Jim stood so fast from his seat his chair toppled.

"I didn't do any-"

"There's no way anyone would arrest me unless you blamed them for your..accidents." Frank sneered, not noticing the way Winona had now tuned into the conversation.

"Frank, what are you talking about?"

"Your son," said Frank, turning to her, "is a klutz and tattles to his teachers it's my fault."

"Jimmy?" Winona's eyes held questions for both her brother and son.

"I didn't, mom," Jim answered quietly. He shook his head. "I don't say anything when I get hurt. They just see it."

"You little liar," Frank yelled. He went to Jim in a rage and fired a fist in his face, knocking Jim unconscious to the floor.

Winona, shocked at the horror of it all, fainted.

Within seconds, Spock and Jim were in a garage. It was dark and a tarp covered what would be a vehicle.

"Mom is off planet again. As soon as she left, I heard Frank talking to a guy about buying this." Jim tugged at the tarp angrily. After a minute of struggling and glaring at the tarp and even Spock at times, Jim unveiled a corvette. The car glistened its redness in the dark.

_It is special to child-Jim. _That much Spock knew, as he judged the adoration on the boy's face.

Jim's fingers caressed the hood and he squinted at some fairly invisible spot. He took a cloth from his pocket and rubbed the car carefully.

"Now's the time, Spock. He wants to sell this, my father's damn car!" Jim shouted the phrase at the end. It hurt Spock's ears.

Jim popped the garage door open. The mid-morning sunlight hit both their weary faces.

"Get in, Spock," ordered Jim, in a familiarly commanding voice. Spock could not hold his surprise when Jim sat behind the wheel. "You can't stop me, you know. This already happened. It's a memory. You don't want to stop me, Spock. You'll see."

Jim started the antique, revving the engine. "This means war," he said and gunned it out of the garage.

As they drove the dry country roads, Spock felt everything this boy Jimmy was experiencing within his heart and mind. Power over Frank, for one. Exhilarating freedom. And yes, fear.

Those feelings grew as Jim let the top of the car go off in the wind and yelled with the music. At eleven, Jim had just reached the height where he could assume two-thirds the proper control of the car and he did so surprisingly well.

"Don't mind me, Spock. It's a reckoning. It was coming," Jim told Spock. The siren and voice of the robocop did not deter Jim.

"Citizen, pull over." It was an order no boy should have ignored. But, of course, child-Jim refused to listen.

Had the situation not seemed so grim, Spock would have found Jim's logic fascinating. Jim did pull over, but kept going, crashing a barrier. Jim gave him a small grin.

"When we get closer, jump." The car accelerated and Spock saw, finally, where Jim was taking them.

A quarry. Jim was driving them to the only known quarry in Iowa. It was half a mile deep, and by the speed Jim had just initiated, their chance of surviving a jump while the car propelled forward was impossibly low.

_No. This is not what Jim is doing._

It was not fascinating- it was a horrific part of Jim's past. Stupid. Honorable in an illogical way. Completely shaping the man he knew today.

They were closer, too close, and Jim shift the gear and jumped. Spock found himself now merely a spectator beside the robocop.

Eleven year old Jim gripped the dust with sheer will, defining then the course of his life as his father's car crashed into the quarry. He showed no fear as he clung for survival at the edge of the cliff. He pulled himself up, rebellion surfacing in every inch of Jim's posture.

_His stoicism comes from knowing he defeated Frank, and in a way that only Jim Kirk could._

"Is there a problem, officer?"

_Confident. Leaps before looking._

"Citizen, what is your name?"

A wind swept past Spock, lifting more dust and wisps of Jim's hair.

_A reckoning._

"My name is James Tiberius Kirk."

* * *

"James Tiberius Kirk."

The mind meld broke as Spock heard Jim breathe his own name and two security guards surrounded them.

"Sir," said one guard. "We are two hours within Revlair."

"Lights to 30%." The meld had taken a toll on Spock, reviving his emotional awareness to a place he'd not expected, rivaling what he felt with Vulcan's destruction as well as witnessing Jim's death.

_Jim. _He would be feeling the effects as well, and if he would be with Spock in the present or still under the influence of the drug, only time would tell. While Jim's blinking eyes were adjusting, Spock determined the blackness of his eyes had decreased 33% Feeling such great fatigue, Spock could not process any other detail and called for McCoy.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek.

AN: I apologize for not updating in a week (due to health issues, but on the mend now). Beta readers are the best, I have a few chapters to cluster as updates soon, and I am incredibly thankful for your reviews! The fan fiction world can be intimidating but your encouragement is great at alleviating that!

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Chapter 10

Fitful over Kevin's mysterious disappearance, Lenore lingered a bit too long in an awakened state and failed to fall asleep when her weariness finally surfaced. Kevin had left an impression upon her usual grounded self. How could she be so concerned about a someone after such a short acquaintance? He appeared as equally drawn to her as she was to him.

_I will not forget our laughter over the replicator_. She'd not laughed like that in a long time.

After two hours of tossing and turning, cursing herself for not doing anything to help find Kevin, Lenore heard the sweet voice of Ayhan, the three year old girl she'd held on her lap yesterday.

"Miss Lenore."

"Lights."

Nothing was amiss in her room. She was alone. Perhaps the strangeness of the place was getting to her. Lenore padded over to retrieve a robe and as she tied the knot around her waist, Ayhan's voice demanded her attention again.

"Ayhan?" Surely, Lenore's fascination of the children encouraged her illogical response of talking to no one. _I'm calling for a child who clearly is not even in my room. I need sleep._

As she returned to her bed and was about to slip her feet underneath the covers, her name was called again, with great diligence.

"We need you, Miss Lenore."

She sighed. _I must be crazy. _With a groan, she pulled herself back out of bed. She should be obedient, since she was a guest, but that certainly wasn't in her nature. She'd seek out the little girl.

If she found out she was needed, indeed, by the waif-like Vulcan, Lenore would be happy to accommodate. A few minutes later, dressed warmly in her street clothes in case she ended up in a precarious situation (like, having to run and hide because she was breaking the rules), she opened her door just a crack. The corridor was subtly lit but all was quiet. Security outside the Wing was heavy, but as this was a peaceful facility, and security within the floor itself was scattered. A tall Vulcan shadow appeared down the hall. Lenore moved behind a column, shielding herself from discovery.

"Miss Lenore, go down the corridor, turn left. Two doors on the right." It was another child's voice, perhaps Delvok, one of the older children.

"Hurwy," said Ayhan.

Lenore could not understand why the children chose to call her with their uncanny telepathic abilities. She was seventeen and eccentric in her own right, but hardly knowledgeable of their world here on Revlair. _Come on, Lenore, where's your sense of adventure?_ The shadow grew smaller, well over 100 feet away, and Lenore took to flight in the opposite direction.

"Hello?" Lenore whispered after she reached the door. A seven or eight year old girl tugged at her arm. "Prisu? I heard Ayhan."

Prisu nodded. "She wanted you to come. We almost all did."

Almost all?

Ten of the fourteen children of the Green Gate stared at her. Ayhan held one finger in her mouth.

"What do you want from me?"

The eldest of the group, at eleven years of age from Lenore's notes, was Delvok holding a device. A comm.

"We need your help." Delvok handed her the comm.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" It was the first time she held one, and her hands trembled. _For some reason, I feel trepidation._

"It's specialized for emergencies, but Ayhan told us none of us can use it. It has to be you."

"Who gave it to you?"

"The Ambassador." Delvok said.

"Why me?"

Delvok looked at Ayhan. Prisu put her arms around the girl who seemed too young to be so knowing.

"Ayhan has a special gift," Prisu stated. "We all do, but Ayhan told us you have to contact the Ambassador after you see where Kevin is."

Lenora sighed. "I don't know where Kevin is. I don't know where to look."

"He is in the basement of Wing D," said Delvok.

"How would you know this? Why wouldn't you tell any of your caretakers?" This truly is a conundrum.

Prisu glanced at Delvok. "We do not trust them all," she said. "And Ayhan trusts you," she added. Why does Ayhan's word mean so much to them? _She is three years old!_

Ayhan put her other hand in Lenore's and tugged at her. She led her over to a chair. After Lenore sat, Ayhan climbed on her lap. The child was cold, of course, and Lenore fought the urge to tremble at her touch. The room was colder than she imagined, even for the children of the Green Gate.

"How do you know where Mr. Kevin is?" She cocked an eye at Delvok who had a most un-Vulcan expression of guilt.

"I like following him around," mumbled Delvok. "I trust him. He makes us feel safe. Therefore, I placed a microscopic chip in his favorite pair of shoes." Lenore blinked at him. "A tracking device."

Lenora was not expecting that. "Really? You know how to do that?"

"Yes," Delvok said. "And he has been in that basement since this morning. It is not a place we have ever been, but we did find the passageway Ambassador Spock told us about when we first came here. It's secret but you can try it. We fit when we used it a few months ago."

_Try_.

And if she didn't try, what would happen to Kevin, who had been stuck in the basement all this time?

And if she did, why did the children not trust everybody? What would she find down there?

Ayhan tugged at Lenore's curls and took her finger out of her mouth. Lenore was taken aback at her sad eyes. "Cap'n sick. Not help Mr. Kwevin in time."

"Captain? Is there a captain of a ship coming?"

All the children nodded.

Lenore stared at Ayhan. "Why is he sick? And why do I have to do this?" The small child held such intelligence behind her eyes. Lenore could see this now. A knowing. Visions? Or something else?

Ayhan shook her head and a small tear ran down her cheek. Lenore brushed it away tenderly.

"Prisu?" The older girl had been quite the conversationalist before but also shook her head. Lenore stared hard at her.

"I need more information. Something. Please."

"When she acts like this about what she has seen, you cannot pry. It means you have a destiny. A destiny to do good," Prisu explained after a moment. Ayhan got off Lenore's lap and pressed herself into Prisu's body.

"It's okay, Ayhan." Lenore told the child. "I'm not mad that you can't tell me everything. I just want to help the best I can."

"We will show you the passageway. Ayhan said Mr. Riley is in trouble and to contact the Ambassador. He will be tell you what else to do. The captain who is sick is our friend."

"What is the Ambassador's name?"

"Ambassador Spock."

Ambassador Spock. _Okay. I can remember that. Wait..._

"Delvok and Ivek," Lenore said to the two oldest boys. "Can I talk with you? Privately?"

Silently, Delvok lead Lenore and Ivek to the side living space and closed the door.

"You wish to know if we are safe."

_This Delvok kid is smart_. "Yes. It seems to me that if a scientist has been kidnapped and is being held in a basement of a facility which contains children, I better see to it that you fourteen children are out of harm's way. If you cannot trust your caretakers-"

"Not all, but some," Delvok interrupted. "Ambassador Spock and Captain Kirk were not in charge of creating this place, but they made changes when Section 31 coerced the captain."

_Coerced? Section 31? What in the world?_

"Which ones can you trust? Can you go to them now to ask for help?"

"Not without getting them killed," mumbled Ivek.

Lenore blanched. This is not good.

"So, you have to act as if all is normal, just as they are with you?" This is insane. These children need to get out of here.

The boys agreed. "Yes."

"This Captain Kirk, would he help you leave the Green Gate? If I could contact him with the comm?" Lenore held the device out, wishing she knew exactly what was it she was supposed to do. She was sometimes clever, always a bit precocious, but never always clever. What was she to do?

"He would, but Ayhan said his mind is sick and he is not able to." Ivek said sullenly. "I don't like what else Ayhan said so-"

"Hush, Ivek!"

Lenore jumped at Delvok's loud command. "Something else Ayhan said?" She curiously asked Delvok, since Ivek had thus crossed his arms in a defiant expression.

Delvok, too, refused to answer that particular question. "Remember what Ayhan said. You have a destiny to do good."

Lenore had no choice to listen to the boy, question all that Ayhan said about her destiny, and let them outfit her with more knowledge about the comm than she ever desired to learn. After that, and giving Ayhan a hug, she left the children against her better judgement. They gave her more reason to believe Kevin's life was in danger then their own.

The passageway, hidden in one of the columns in their same wing, was just inches broader than her body. If she'd been any taller, she'd be hunched over entire distance and getting a crick in her neck. As it was, Lenore did not appreciate the claustrophobia it gave her. It was not an adult escape way. Lenore wondered if the Ambassador or Captain Kirk had anything to do with it. The children trusted this Spock and Kirk, and if Spock and Kirk did in turn, the passageway could indeed be some sort of escape route for the child residents of the Green Gate.

She followed it until it became so narrow she had to turn sideways, just as the children had warned.

After a few minutes of following the passage in such an uncomfortable way, she saw the steps.

_It's time. You can do this, Lenore._

She held the comm loosely in her left hand and gripped the rail by the steps with her right. Down she went, one step at a time into darkness. The comm's light gave just enough to see each step as she came to it. There were 25 total. She reached the bottom and turned right, just as Delvok told her to. And kept walking. The passage wasn't so narrow anymore, and Lenore hugged the wall when some small creature slithered past her feet.

"Keep going, Miss Lenore." It was Ayhan's voice.

The child was so courageous to talk with her like this, Lenore could not help felt a bit of pride for just knowing her.

"Okay, Ayhan. I will," she whispered, coming to the tiny door Delvok told her about. _You've got to be kidding me._ The door was about one and half feet high and obviously she had to crawl through it and after that creature thing just slivered by her, Lenore was not in the mood.

"Miss Lenore."

With a sigh brimming to the surface, she got down on her knees and opened the door with a slight tug. The comm had to be protected so she put it in her back pocket. She went cautiously at first. Until she heard Kevin's voice.

"Please. Don't do this."

Underneath the tormented words, that was Kevin.

Her blood boiled, thinking of what could be happening to him. Her head pounded, and for a moment, she lost her way.

"Kodos, don't."

_Kodos. Oh, God. _Lenore had heard about Kodos. It was always in student books, always that significant cultural discussion students had plenty to say about but not enough empathy. However, her active mind had often taken such tragedies to heart. She had stuffed her mouth with food for a week after that, gaining about ten pounds. And then cried another seven days. She had no one but her roommate who had helped her through, but she managed.

_But, Kevin? Kodos?_

She scurried then, trembling with the comm. Pressing a few numbers but not all. She knew she had to wait to see what was going on, from the vent.

Lenore got there but pressed her eyes shut. She heard bones cracking and Kevin's scream simultaneously. She gave a small cry, her hand flying to her mouth to suppress the sound.

"Tell us where the others are."

_That voice._

"Those two names. Now."

The next moment she wished she to God she'd never been born. She would have pried her eyes open with a knife to confirm the owner of that voice. It was a voice she only heard her father use once, to swear after finding out her mother had filed for divorce. It was the voice then that made her blood go cold.

It was the voice now she saw belonging to a man torturing the hell out of Kevin Riley.

Ayhan was wrong. Her destiny was not to do good. Her destiny was to do anything she could to stop her father.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek

AN: Thank you for continuing along with this very self-indulgent story! ;) DLB48- thanks a million for your Beta skills. You have really gone above and beyond! Thanks to stars90 for the awesome tech assistance, and to Arijone for your input!

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Chapter 11

Spock now held a frightening amount of knowledge in his hands about Jim. No one other than Bones knew any of that. And Bones never experienced any of it, just heard the flouting of a cadet. Spock actually felt what Jim had lived through.

The thought was utterly and completely frightening and made Jim think back to the Academy.

_Bones and Jim thought of the perfect solution. They'd room together. Three days in and Bones flat out refused to continue rooming with him unless Jim sought help or talked with him about his childhood._

_Jim, blowing his roommate's request out of proportion, stormed out then and there, half naked and shoeless, swearing up a storm at his new friend. Halfway down the hall, Bones pulled him back. Grabbing a couple bottles of whiskey, the two sat on the couch and drank. Thanks to Bones' patience, the tension eased but Jim did not open up._

_A week later, the day after Jim instigated a fight at a bar, Bones found him self-destructing at the same place. Dragging the cadet home, he attempted to get through him again, failing once more. Bones called him an idiot, among other unsavory words, and Jim found the name-calling strangely endearing. Maybe he could trust him someday. But not yet._

_The next week, Jim almost quit the Academy. He couldn't manage the whole roomie thing, not with his nightmares. He even packed. Bones, again, pulled him back._

_Returning to their room they said nothing to each other the entire evening, night, and early morning. Then Jim cracked. Jim rushed out a series of words about Frank's abuse just as Bones was leaving for a medical simulation. Tarsus memories spilled from his now-numbed brain, feebly at first, and then through a torrent of sobs. Bones said nothing when Jim was done, only held him as Jim wept himself to sleep. They both missed classes the next four days, and it was Pike who came to them in concern._

Pike.

The name pierced Jim like a knife into his heart. Overwhelmed with his thoughts of Bones and Pike, Frank and Tarsus, and now Revlair, Jim became angry that he was in no position to help anyone.

Spock was meditating, or Jim would have rambled something about riding in his father's car with a Vulcan and listening to the Beastie Boys to get his mind off his current situation of helplessness, which he detested. But, no, the one who just learned more about his childhood drama was in a state of self-healing.

The more he thought about it, the more delusional he became. Spock, with whom he wanted this epic friendship. Spock, who basically hated his guts from the beginning. This same Spock now held the pieces of Jim's past which had formed his crazy-ass behavior. And there was more to come.

His breathing, uneven and choking, did not wake Spock up but it did sound great alarm to Bones who then entered the brig.

"Dammit, Jim," Bones muttered, kneeling beside him, tricorder ready. "The mind meld was supposed to help you, not reduce you to the tears of a little girl."

"Very funny," Jim croaked. "Can you check on Spock? I can't lift myself up."

"No, you can't. You have a dislocated shoulder, more ribs broken, a concussion, and a broken wrist. How the hell did that happen?" Bones hissed at him. "And I think the hobgoblin is fine, other than dealing with your atrocious memories."

"He only got as far as a crashing Corvette."

Bones groaned. "Spock needs to reduce the violent memories in your mind. He needed to get to Tarsus...wait...what the hell?"

Bones glared at him.

"What?"

"Your eyes. They're..they're...black."

"No, they're blue. Like my father's."

_Yes, James, black._

_James._

_I don't have blue eyes anymore? They're black?_

"I don't want black eyes."

_I need my father's eyes. The blue ones._

"Don't worry about the eyes, kid," Bones pleaded. "Okay? We need to fix your shoulder. It's gonna hurt, especially since you're cuffed with hands behind you." Bones frowned as he said that.

Jim did not remember being cuffed.

Wait. Maybe he did.

_She betrayed you, James_.

The voice of his alter ego refused to stop.

_She gave you a Judas kiss._

_No, Carol could not have done that._

_She saw your black eyes._

_I have black eyes. They're not my father's. What is happening to me?_

"Jim?"

James. That name beckoned to him so much it hurt. He wanted to tell Bones to stop calling him Jim, but Bones chose that moment to push his shoulder back in place.

"Dammit, Bones!" Jim roared.

His yell awoke Spock, who seemed surprised to see Bones.

"Don't be such an infant," Bones said. "I'd like to know how that happened in the first place, Spock. Jim's dislocated shoulder?"

Bones did not wait for Spock to answer but went on to command them both. "Jim, we need to bandage that wrist. Spock, help me sit him up."

Do not look at him, James. He knows about Frank. How he hit you, ruined your childhood.

"Jim, I need you to focus on me." Bones was concerned. Jim hated to be the cause of his worry.

_All those beatings, James. The humiliation. Your mother's failure to protect you_.

Wait. Someone did protect him. Who?

"Jim, look at me," Bones said.

He didn't, so focused on that voice.

Spock was too late.

_He tried, though? Right?_

Spock and Bones finished manhandling him to an upright position. Jim's head went slack, and Spock gently pushed it back up.

Jim could not avoid Spock's eyes then.

"Did you protect me from Frank?" Jim cringed as he heard himself but he truly wanted to remember. "Did you?"

"Indeed, I did," answered Spock.

Jim tucked away that information.

Bones inspected Jim's wrist more closely. "Dammit, Jim, what did you do to your wrist? It's worse than I thought."

"Punch the brig? Try to get out of these handcuffs? Get hit by Frank?" Jim muttered. "I'm just throwing logical ideas here."

"I can't get a decent wrap on this with the cuffs on. It's impossible to help you at all. I also can't bandage your ribs unless your shirt is off. I can't get your shirt off unless Spock releases the cuffs."

"Don't do it," said Jim sternly. "I'll deal with the ribs. And the hand."

_Foolishness, James. Do not let them know how close you are to losing control._

"Jim," asked Spock, "is there a specific reason you suggest we do not release the cuffs?"

"How far away from Revlair are we?" Jim asked instead of answering Spock. His first officer's gaze held his usual intelligence while a flicker of suspicion gleamed at Jim.

_Yes, that is right, James, do not mention this. See how suspicious he is?_

"Two hours. It's imperative we transport you to the shuttlecraft, captain," said Spock.

_Yes. Out of the brig._

"I'd prefer to see to your injuries. Fixing a shoulder is not enough. You're weak, your lungs are compromised, and you have a fever. You can't face Kodos with more injuries, Jim."

Jim looked from Bones to Spock.

"Jim's eyes reveal the drug is in his system. The mind meld will not guarantee he will not resort to violence. I cannot yet release his hands."

"I don't care if Jim's eyes are a dingy gray, midnight black, or goddamn pink! I need to help him."

"Dr. McCoy, I agree you need to help him but the situation does not allow for the normal medical assistance you provide."

"Obviously," Bones spat out and proceeded to wrap Jim's wrist the best he could despite Jim's protest.

"Bones, it's alright," Jim sighed. "I can handle it. The pain isn't so bad."

It really was starting to get better. That meant the drug's effect was still in his blood.

To give him power over whomever was in his way.

"I'm done," Bones muttered. "Not that it'll do any good."

"Dr. McCoy, have you made progress with an antidote?" Spock asked.

James pressed his lips together as Spock and Bones heaved him to his feet. He brushed their hands away and attempted to stand upright.

Not too bad. Not bad at all. He focused on his breath, regaining his independence after lying on the bench for hours.

"The drug attacking his system has decided to attach itself to his cells in such a way that the cells feed off of each other. My theory is that an equally-powerful targeted anti-proton radiation pulse or therapy will kill the drug in every damn cell with rapid succession. I just need a method to deliver it that his body will accept without killing him with the cure."

_No, do not let them get closer to the antidote, James. You must stop them. Or Revlair will be lost._

"Revlair," muttered James. He flexed his fingers within their entrapment. The wrist was only slightly tender. He eyed the doctor and the Vulcan, distracted in their discussion. He eyed the brig door.

Eight paces and he'd be free. Except for the cuffs. And the Vulcan had the PADD, which James knew held the release button. He was slightly handicapped, with his injuries and cuffs now. But still held the strength to get him out of the situation. If the Vulcan would move just..slightly...

He rammed his cuffed hands into the doctor's jaw first but then received a quick hit in the face from the Vulcan. James shook his head to clear the dizziness but found himself face to face with the Vulcan's phaser.

It was an illogical move from the Vulcan and James did not know how to react. Indeed, the phaser was set to kill.

"This is what we will do," the Vulcan said evenly. He held out the PADD to James. "You will take what you need off this ship but you will not harm anyone in exchange for me not killing you now."

James regarded the Vulcan. He could not explain his hesitancy when all he truly wanted was to satisfy a longing- to cause pain. To alleviate his own distress. And this Vulcan, who turned the tables on James, was the most fun to fight, the most dangerous on the ship.

James paused to think how he knew that. He could not answer.

The Vulcan had not finished with his order. "You also will allow me to accompany you and help you with your mission. I will not let harm come to you." He lowered the phaser and put it in his belt. The PADD was still extended for James' use.

_I will not let harm come to you._

Another time, another place, James had heard that said before. Remembrance chipped away at the dark surface. A light flickered, relieving James of a single piece of the haunting obscurity.

_He is Spock. He shielded me from Frank._

This would make things easier and maybe not as satisfying, but he did not want to die- yet. He worried. What about the others, the doctor, whoever else was on the ship? What would they wish to do with him if he obeyed rather than show his strength? He wished to step back from the Vulcan- Spock- because he was slightly ashamed his anxiety would show.

Instead, the urgency of a mission at the back of his mind cultivated his decision. James turned around so his cuffed hands could grasp the PADD. He twisted his head and arms so he could look at the screen, once glancing at Spock to see if he changed his mind. He had not. Holding it with his unhurt hand, he pressed a code he knew automatically, and the cuffs were released and dropped to the ground. James rubbed his wrists, the one wrapped giving him the most pain. Spock stepped aside, and waited.

James walked out of the brig, Spock moving directly behind him. It was strange, having the person you had just wished to kill now honor your desire to flee the ship.

The doctor, rubbing his jaw, fumed at Spock when James came out of the brig unattended. "Spock, do you really think this is wise? You're playing with fire, hobgloblin."

"Dr. McCoy, Jim remembers me helping him in his memories. The mind meld has assisted in a way I did not think possible. However, I am willing to take the chance with our captain." Spock replied as he walked almost in step with James. "Continue your research."

Captain? James was not their captain. This..Spock..seemed up for the task. He swept away from brig and the doctor, knowing he was going somewhere on this ship, but not understanding where his feet were taking him.

"Spock," thundered the doctor. "Keep my buddy, safe, will ya?"

James stiffened. Buddy. Why would the man think he was his buddy?

James had no one. Well, except for Spock, who had taken a beating for him.

Frank. The name was on the tip of James' tongue, but he refused to speak it. Truthfully, the inner battle was dividing his attention from his urge for violence and this other urge- a mission. If he kept quiet, the possibility he would keep up his end of the bargain with Spock was greater.

"Jim," said Spock quietly. "You have nothing to fear from the doctor.

That name- Jim. It unsettled him. He glared at the Vulcan. Yes, he was back to thinking of Spock as the Vulcan because he said that distressing name. The Vulcan's eyes registered his mistake.

"James?"

He got it right, and James nodded as he got on the lift. They were going to Engineering.

Someone was there who knew what James needed to take on the shuttlecraft.

He walked up the stairs, listening to the sounds of the deck, and finally he heard the engineer. He was with two others, and all showed disbelief at seeing James.

"Captain? Oh my God," the woman exclaimed. "What is wrong with your eyes?" She showed no fear and rushed towards James but Spock held his hand up.

"I like the look on you, Captain," grinned the other man.

_There they go again with the Captain bit._

"Uhura, Sulu, Mr. Scott. James is experiencing a slight discoloration to his eyes but do not be alarmed. He will not hurt you as we reached a plan of mutual satisfaction," Spock explained. "Please allow him to get what he needs."

"Well, laddie, I canna believe you're here. I just finished the wee tale about Revlair." Mr. Scott said. "I suppose ya be needin' the supplies? Come on, then, the lot of ya. With the captain's wrist, I dinnae think he can lift everythin'." He led the group and James frowned at his implication that he could not perform to his usual standards. Mr. Scott looked back at him and grinned. "Ruffled your feathers, did I, James?"

"Commander, the situation on Revlair is troubling. It may upset the captain in his current condition," said the woman- Uhura was it?

He did not care what anyone said at the moment. He just wanted to be left alone. Alone. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He was tired and- maybe hungry.

Didn't Mr. Scott have sandwiches?

They got to the storage hidden under piece of flooring. Spock did not look too pleased at Mr. Scott's explanation.

"It never was fixed, uh, after, well..anyways. It never was fixed and the captain here needed a wee bit o' secrecy, but I dinnae believe 'tis so secret now, is it?" Mr. Scott shrugged, taking a thin piece of metal and began lifting a corner. He struggled so James walked over and took it from him, promptly lifting the corner and flooring piece with one try, bad wrist and all, before anyone else stepped in to help. He then sat on the edge and jumped down, disappearing into a fairly dark section underneath.

"Mr. Spock, James will be be needin' ya to lift up some supplies." Mr. Scott went to the replicator, popping out sandwiches. "Usually, we finish visits, not all like this one of course, with a wee bit of food. Real food. Keenzer, help me out, will ya. 'Tis more of a way to get the captain to eat," he whispered. "I suppose now all that makes sense, Dr. McCoy's naggin' at Jimmy to get food in him."

James lifted a supply bag, its heaviness pulling at his ribs and his wrist screaming in protest, but he pushed it up to the top in as rough as a manner as he could. He was mad, having heard Mr. Scott and seen Spock lift his eyebrows. It frustrated James to know they discussed his well-being. They had no right. He bit back another wave of pain and went back to work looking for the right supply bag.

"Watch out for ya head, cap'n," yelled Mr. Scott. "He always forgets how tall he is- "

The sound of a cranium hitting a pipe cut through.

"Son of a Bitch!" James came up glaring and rubbing his head.

"Sorry, laddie, I guess I dinnae remind ya in time."

Spock did not look happy again but took the next supply bag from James just as he was about to slam it down.

Then came boots and coats. For five people. He was done, with Scott's help this time, putting the floor back.

He still could not trust his voice but looked at Spock, who calculated. "Uhura, I do believe you will be coming with Mr. Sulu, James, and myself. The fifth person is?"

James had yet to get the fifth person. But, first, he wanted that sandwich...for old time's sake?

Mr. Scott seemed to read his mind and handed him a sandwich, but James did not take it. He remembered a particular device in one of the bags. He knelt, unzipping the bag and lifted the device out. It was blinking with an alert.

This PADD never blinked with an alert unless it gave a simultaneous alert on a personal device of his. And he had no idea where the other personal device was or how he knew that.

He looked up at Mr. Scott, slightly panicked. Should he know about this?

"Oh, this may be a wee bit of problem. They gave that to ya. It's yours," said Mr. Scott. "So, I don't know the code. Only ya do, James. And, by the way, I like your dark-eyed look. Very gothic."

Warily, James' hands brushed the screen. He could not remember. He held his head with his other hand, eyes pressed closed. Think. Think. Think.

_No. I cannot remember. _He got up and banged his head once on the wall. What is the code?

"James, if I can be of assistance?"

It was Spock. _Oh, no_. He wanted to pry.

The alert on his locked device beckoned. It would be best if he complied, so he nodded reluctantly. Would he find only what was needed, or would Spock glean more information than James wanted him to know. He closed his eyes and breathed in as Spock's hand went to his face. The mind meld took more than one minute. James was certain Spock had met with some difficulty, as the darkness there kept James from computing swiftly and properly.

"I have it," Spock said, and James gave him the PADD. Spock lowered it just enough so James could see the code. As he read it, James found himself very confused.

_What? DrCarolMarcusIloveyou?_

With an eyebrow raised Spock handed the PADD over to James without a word.

James' hand shook as he grabbed it and he cleared his throat. That was embarrassing.

Tearing through those thoughts, James got to the crux of the alert. A message, delivered by a Jared Vager to his PADD at 1000 hours.

James opened the message to reveal a list titled and created by Section 31. A list of eighteen names, dates, and particular orders listed beside each name glared at him. His throat and eyes burned, and his chest ached like no other time he remembered.

The list. It was a mess of information.

Eighteen names. Only one he recognized.

His own.

He hated being helpless.

He should remember these other names. He knew he should. He felt it in his soul, as he read each name, that his heart was being ripped out.

He handed the PADD to Mr. Scott, question in his eyes.

"I canna tell ya what this is aboot, cap'n," Mr. Scott said sadly. "Not a wee thing aboot Revlair here, laddie. Except for the name of our prisoner on board, Jared Vager. Half of these are Tarsus names we'd all know. Ye would know that, if ya were even a wee bit of yourself. And," Mr. Scott continued with a sigh," this PADD was given to ya by that agent for Revlair use, not for information aboot Tarsus."

"Mr. Scott," said Spock, "please hand me the PADD."

James jerked up and grabbed it out of Mr. Scott's hand before he gave it to Spock. He shook his head. Let me deal with my own demons.

"James," ordered Spock.

The darkness in James' mind reignited when Spock moved closer. Stay away.

"Woah. Commander, did you just see.." Mr. Sulu exclaimed.

"Yes, indeed, I did. James, the intensity of the blackness in your eyes has increased." Spock did not move away but stood a hair's breadth away. Too close. "I will not let harm come to you, James. Give me the PADD."

He heard Spock, but as he tried to decipher the message this Jared Vager gave him, he found himself feeling strangely disconnected. Spock pried James' fingers from the device, sending a jolt through James. The jolt was not from the Vulcan's touch, but from the return of an internal rage.

He was grateful to Spock who delved into that memory to protect him from Frank. He had not had that friend before- someone who would take his beating. And now Spock appeared concerned for his welfare- again. Spock studied the message James could not make sense of, the Vulcan's eyes fluttering up to connect with James every few seconds and back again in concentration.

James was inundated by the information systematically filtering through him from the message and he processed it the best he could, which was poorly.

Meanwhile, he still tried to suppress his rage.

Until Jared Vager's name paired with a word on the edge of his thoughts.

_Traitor._

_He could have been the one._

James finally remembered something.

_Jared Vager is a prisoner because he drugged me. He is provoking me with this knowledge, knowing I cannot understand it all. How had he survived?_

Maybe James had not messed up getting caught. Maybe it had not been his fault the other children had been found. Worse, maybe it had not even been an accident.

Had it been Memphis?

_Memphis._

Spock could have the PADD. James had something better to do.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek.

* * *

Chapter 12

Spock reread the details of Vager's message. _Alarming._ And Jim was in the thick of it.

"Commander." It was security. "The prisoner, Jared Vager, killed two guards while fleeing. We are in pursuit, but have lost him. He seems to possess strength similar to the captain's."

Jim's fierce posture and face reflected what Spock had seen from him the first time in the brig, but Spock was certain Jim's fury was not directed at him. He wanted to harm Memphis.

"Take us to red alert. Jared Vager has escaped," said Spock. "Uhura and Sulu, transport what we need to the shuttlecraft. Remain there. Be on the lookout for Vager in the hangar."

Jim had already turned to leave engineering. Spock caught up, matching his speed. It was familiar, he and Jim walking as such, and he almost forgot the grim situation of Jim's mind.

"Spock to McCoy. I need that second dose immediately. Prepare it. The captain and I are in pursuit of the prisoner."

"Spock, how's he doing?"

"Doctor, the dose." Spock cut the comm. If he answered McCoy, Spock would be forced to tell him Jim was headed towards the end.

Did Jim know where Vager was headed? Jim strode with purpose even as they met with the flurry in the corridor, towards the labs.

A scream echoed.

Jim broke into a run first. The immediacy by which Jim tore through the corridors did not surprise Spock. Dr. Marcus was in trouble.

Jim was within ten feet of entering Dr. Marcus' lab when he stopped. He turned to Spock, nothing less than complete torment in his eyes.

"Just me," he rasped.

It was illogical to trust Jim. It was illogical for Spock to trust the drug-induced man in the first place. _But this is James T. Kirk, who defies all odds._ Spock allowed the possibility that his brief mind meld with Jim to find the passcode had helped calm his drugged state.

"I trust you." A simple statement that spurred Jim to disappear into Dr. Marcus' lab.

Crouched and ready, Spock listened.

"I knew James T. Kirk would find some way to alleviate the drug's affects." Jared Vager's voice, confident and gleeful, was first. "Or, should I say, his friends would."

"Memphis." Jim's voice was steely, not at all like he just sounded when he commanded Spock to trust him. "Got your message. Security has been redirected. Are we going or not?"

"Yeah, I figured the message would make you come get me for some answers and get to Kodos a bit easier. But, since I don't really trust you just yet, I will take your girlfriend and I will follow you down the hall just in case anyone gets trigger happy. Got it?"

"Whatever. We don't have time to argue who shoots her at the end. I'm the one she betrayed. Remember that."

"James," Dr. Marcus whimpered, clearly sounding distressed.

"Shut up," growled Jim. "You can make this easier for yourself and be quiet. Or, you can die right now."

"I'll be quiet," whispered Dr. Marcus.

"Don't cross me, JT."

"I want the hell out of here, too. I fooled Spock. The passage is clear. We'll reach the hangar safely." Jim paused. "If not, we have leverage."

Spock took Jim's hint and hid within the confines of another door. He crouched still, but he could see Jim head out of the lab. Dr. Marcus was forced to walk with one of Vager's arms tightly wound around her neck. He held a phaser to her head.

"Security, please vacate the corridors between the science officer labs and the hangar. Situation critical. The captain is leading Jared Vager to the hangar. Do not, I repeat, do not fire or show yourselves. Take undisclosed locations in the hangar. Alert Mr. Sulu and Lt. Uhura to remain in the shuttlecraft." Spock spoke low into his comm.

Spock fled the opposite direction then. He'd reach the hangar before Jim did. The chance of apprehending Vager plummeted with the extended involvement of Carol Marcus.

He hid halfway into the hangar, ten seconds to spare. Five security officers were in locations undisclosed as instructed. Sulu and Uhura were already on the shuttle

He was concerned for Dr. Marcus, who had lost the stoicism she had displayed since the beginning of Jim's drugging. Jim's deceit had fooled even her.

"Please, James," cried Dr. Marcus

Giving no thought to her exclamation, Jim continued on in front of Memphis and Dr. Marcus. Memphis handled her even more roughly, and Jim's movement and manner degraded.

Jim and Memphis quickly passed one hidden officer. Then, Jim put his hand up to stop Memphis.

"Before I trust you," said Jim, "and let you on this shuttlecraft, Dr. Marcus or not, I have just one question."

Memphis' eyes narrowed. "You're stalling, JT."

"Not really. This place is deserted." Jim gave Dr. Marcus a leering grin and stepped closer to her. "On second thought, no questions, I think the time is now for some fun."

"James." Dr. Marcus paled.

He took a knife from his boot. Spock was on edge at Jim's actions, the probability great that he was terrorizing Dr. Marcus for her betrayal in the brig.

"Been waiting to use this," Jim said, waving the knife. He brought it to Dr. Marcus' face, barely touching her skin but catching her tears on the cold blade. "I did not forget what you did. And I don't really care to take you with us. Or leave you here." He grinned savagely.

"JT," Memphis said, a nervous edge to his voice. "This is not part of my plan. We need to get out of here."

"Your plan?" Jim scoffed. "What about my plan?"

"You're in no position to give orders, Captain," hissed Memphis.

"All I have to do is push this button and speak into it." Jim lifted up a comm as he lowered his knife.

"They won't believe you."

"Want to take that chance?"

Memphis thundered. "I don't want to take the chance you'll murder me as soon as we step foot onto that shuttlecraft. You're unstable, JT." He chuckled. "Right now, more than I am. They told me you would be."

"Then give me the girl, so you can fly the shuttlecraft." Jim cocked an eye and scratched a spot of his head with the knife aggressively. He pulled it back, his own blood covering it. Dr. Marcus' eyes widened as Jim began to clean it on his own shirt. "Up to you. I'm not in the mood for any more waiting."

Memphis, entranced with Jim's bloodied knife, loosened his hold on Dr. Marcus for a second.

Spock emerged from hiding as Jim flew into Memphis, pushing Dr. Marcus towards Spock as Jim bent Memphis' hand backwards. Memphis let go of the phaser and Jim kicked it aside.

Memphis went down to his knees but rammed an elbow into Jim's face. Jim twisted and side kicked him backwards. The bend caused Memphis' head to hit the floor. Jim continued his violence even as his opponent was clearly not in a position to fight back. Jim punched Memphis' head four times and stomped on a hand, crushing bone. Jim then grabbed one of his arms and continued dragging him to the shuttlecraft Jim had appointed them to take.

"Jim!" Dr. McCoy yelled. "Let Spock take care of the prisoner. You've done enough damage to put him down."

Jim laughed. "No way." His merciless dragging of Jared Memphis Vager to the shuttlecraft caused everyone but Spock to look at Jim as if he had lost his mind. He had, but Spock was partially to blame for this set of actions from Jim.

Spock had repeated Jim's passcode to him that entire minute of the meld.

_DrCarolMarcusILoveYou. __DrCarolMarcusILoveYou. __DrCarolMarcusILoveYou._

He had discovered the information with great efficiency and used a method of suggestion to place it at the forefront of Jim's mind.

It kept Jim from using his rage on anything but saving Dr. Marcus and punishing the one who had threatened her.

"Spock, stop him before he kills the man!" Dr. McCoy's face was ashen.

"I do not believe that to be the wisest idea, doctor. Our interference would be detrimental to both the captain and Jared Vager."

Spock kept his face impassive as Dr. McCoy gave him a look of loathing.

"Dr. Marcus, are you injured?" She had stumbled as she fell but was slowly regaining her composure.

"No, only..." She drew a straggling breath. "He had even me fooled."

"I require your assistance. Will you keep close to Jim even though he is displaying extreme side effects? I need you to initiate physical contact. Preferably an embrace." Spock rushed his words. "Dr. McCoy, be ready to use the hypospray. Get as near to Jim as you can, from the side and wait for my signal." McCoy nodded.

"Of course," said Dr. Marcus.

Jim stopped pulling Vager before they went through the doors of the shuttlecraft. Jim lifted Vager up by one hand and shoved him against the ship. Jim choked Vager with his other arm.

"No one threatens the life of the woman I care about." Jim's murderous rage thundered throughout the hangar. "No one."

Jim took Vager's head and slammed it against the ship.

Vager fell down, clearly unconscious by the treatment Jim had extended. Jim's glittering black eyes held no remorse as he looked at Spock. "Cuff him. He is going with us."


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek.

AN: DLB48- you're a brilliant beta! I can't say that enough. Thank you! And many thanks for the reviews, follows, and favorites. It definitely encourages this first time fan fiction author. :)

* * *

Chapter 13

Three security officers placed Vager in Klingon cuffs and transported him into the shuttlecraft. Two stood ready for orders.

"James." It was Dr. Marcus.

The obsidian eyes of the captain did not acknowledge her immediately. Jim's disquietness, accented by shaking hands and an inscrutable expression, alerted Spock to proceed. Jim had reached a terrifying potential of violence, as he clearly demonstrated. However, the second mind meld Spock had with Jim, although short, had kept Dr. Marcus alive.

"James," she said again. Jim regarded her silently then. Spock motioned discreetly to McCoy, who moved past Jim on the side of the hangar and circled in, stopping ten feet away.

"Thank you," whispered Dr. Marcus. She made her way to Jim, who swayed slightly. Spock took this movement in with concern. Whatever Jim did to get blood from his head to distract Vager had been illogical but necessary. That was the reality of being Jim Kirk, even while under the influence of a drug.

Jim's dark eyes revealed concern for the woman before him. He reached out a slightly trembling hand, pushing back a smooth strand of Carol Marcus' hair from her tear-stained face. "I am sorry I scared you."

She fairly threw herself at him as he spoke then. Jim, momentarily taken aback, held his arms out. Another few seconds passed before he folded his arms tightly around her and dipped his head into her hair. The relaxation prompted Spock to cue the doctor.

McCoy quietly stepped into the moment and a hiss sounded as he administered the second dose of temporary relief from the drugs to Jim.

* * *

_Do not even think you are safe from me, James._

_It won't work as well, this time._

_They cannot control you. They are afraid of you. They will not allow you to leave._

The voice was commanding. Jim separated himself from the warmth of an embrace and a soft, strawberry scent.

_You cannot control yourself, James._

The wildness edged in, flaring even as Carol touched his face lightly.

"Jim?"

_James._

He grabbed her hand and took it off his face. "Go." He stepped back from her. Away from McCoy and Spock. "It is not working as quickly this time."

"I'm so sorry, Jim."

"James," he hissed, grabbing her arm again, harshly.

"Ja..James," said Carol.

She was scared. Of him.

How did he come to holding her arm so tightly?

"Oh, God, Carol. I'm sorry." He released her arm and took another step away from her.

His head buzzed with his alter-ego.

_She gave you a Judas kiss. In the brig._

_She is Carol. She would not have done that. If she did, it was to protect everyone from me._

"Dr. Marcus, you are in command of the ship," said Spock, his comm in hand. "Mr. Chekov recommends we use a thoron field to hide the Enterprise. Maintain our position in the field while Mr. Sulu, Lt. Uhura, the captain, and myself leave on the shuttle."

"Yes, Commander," she said.

"Carol," Jim said as gently as possible, wanting to close the distance he just created between them.

Spock took Jim's arm. "We are leaving."

"No, just one more minute." Jim pleaded. "Carol, I'm sorry. I did not mean to hurt you."

"I know Jim." Carol moved towards him. Her courage amazed him as her fingers gracefully touched his face. "I'll be waiting for you, Jim."

He touched her hand tentatively. It was warm, inviting. He squeezed it, then winced from his previous injury.

He let go of Carol. She had a job to do. So did he. They exchanged a look of understanding when he glanced back before boarding the shuttlecraft. She already appeared in charge. She expected his return. He expected his ship safe and sound when he did return.

The Enterprise had stopped to reach the most promising of Thoron fields. Jim was pleased the decision to keep the Enterprise moving at warp speed towards Revlair early on now allowed them enough time to reach Revlair via the shuttlecraft. Spock was antsy though, and they'd not talked about anything yet in the minute they had been on the shuttlecraft. Uhura was stitching up Jim's head, which had not ceased bleeding.

"I'm afraid to ask," he mumbled, trying to keep his head up while Uhura applied a bandage. At least he wasn't hearing voices at the moment.

"It was a heroic effort, captain," she said in a concentrated effort. "Which succeeded."

Sulu, at the helm, shook his head and chuckled. "It was bad-ass. Captain, I'm just glad we're friends."

"Carol, she wasn't hurt was she?" He was certain he saw tears on her face.

Uhura gave Spock a sideways glance. Jim tensed. Those were never good.

"Commander," Jim warned. He was finally feeling the fog lift. He could take it. "Explain."

"Our prisoner was in the process of escaping when he took Dr. Marcus as hostage."

"What?"

"You, however, were able to disarm him and pull her out of harm's way."

"How bad was it?"

"Captain, you can read my report at a later date," stated Spock.

_Well, shit._

"Why wasn't I in the brig? Wait, I do sort of remember something about that. It's just way too foggy to make sense of. And Memphis," Jim frowned. "Where is he?" He vaguely remembered wanting to take him to Revlair in a cursed moment of rage.

"To your left, Jim, unconscious."

_That explains it._ As Uhura tended him, he was strapped in and could not turn his head. He was trying to be good even now and not look at Memphis.

"How is he?"

"His strength is superior to other humans by 35%. When you are under the drug's effects, your strength is greater. I will be able to physically detain him as well."

"In other words, we're not screwed having him here on the ship." Jim sighed. "Sulu and Uhura, did you get the specifics about Revlair from Scotty? And would you care to explain to the commander."

_Please tell me you did. And will. _His time was shorter than the last. He could feel it.

"We will do that now, Captain," said Uhura. "Spock, fourteen half human, half Vulcan children live within a facility on Revlair. The children received special abilities during a poorly executed rescue operation by Section 31. An accidental chemical explosion on the ship also caused their bodies to require the extremely frigid climate on Revlair to maintain a stable body temperature. Their emotional tolerance is now significantly lower than that of a normal Vulcan child. The captain was coerced by Section 31 during his recovery of radiation poisoning to help them find an appropriate planet for which the children to reside. Section 31 knew of his previous excursion to the ice planet."

She took a deep breath. "Captain Kirk requested Mr. Scott to accompany him to Revlair so they could hide a shuttlecraft within a hole in the planet 5 kilometers from the facility as a safety measure. The mission at hand puts the children at risk. The Captain was only six months into his recovery at this time." She glared at Jim. "They force a man who could hardly walk to travel to an ice planet, and you somehow are able to hide a ship deep inside the earth? God, Jim, how did you manage?"

"With help from Ambassador Spock and Scotty. And I didn't have to walk all that much. It's called spelunking."

"Yes, that is so much better. And I bet you gave McCoy some bald-faced lie for your month and a half absence," Uhura muttered.

"Well," Jim did feel badly about that. "I had to, Uhura. He couldn't be involved then. None of you should be involved now. It's dangerous. They like to get rid of people who know too much."

"I remember when you returned from your 'mandatory captain' crap or whatever. You had to return to therapy. I remember how awful you looked after those special meetings," Uhura said, her attempt to hide sarcasm failing. "Do you remember, Spock? Do you remember Jim, unable to get from the hospital bed to the bathroom door on his own- again? After all that hard work? And how he had struggled with the motor skills again? Do you have no limits?"

He did. People pushed them all the time. And then he pushed his own limits.

"Drop it, Uhura. What's done is done. There was a drastic temperature change and it didn't do my body any favors. But, I'd do it again. You weren't there to see those children," he said simply.

She listened, promptly lifting her chin and turning to Spock. Jim could see her care for him and knew when this was all said and done, he'd have to talk with her. And Bones.

And maybe Spock, too.

_If Vulcan looks could kill._

Jim hadn't thought that Spock, this Spock, would be this angry he had not been informed of Revlair from the beginning. In truth, Jim knew Ambassador Spock pulled more weight in Starfleet and had tricks up his sleeve if anything went south. Plus, well, Jim had wanted to protect Spock, this Spock, from Section 31.

"Spock," continued Uhura, "the captain fiercely argued with Agent Sloan that the Ambassador's involvement with the children would be the only way Jim would be coerced or, what was it you said, captain?"

"You can shove another malfunctioning warp core up my..." Sulu called out. "See. Like I said. Bad ass."

Spock did not school his features quickly enough at that statement.

_He is not happy._

"It would have been prudent for me to have been informed."

_What was this? Spock was mad with him- now?_

"Spock," said Uhura.

"I am sorry, commander, if you feel slighted for me not informing you of the half-human, half-Vulcan children." Jim said pointedly. He left it at that.

But Spock did not.

"The fact that they are of heritage like my own does not provoke my anger." Spock did not lift either eyebrow.

"I could not involve you."

_I could have, since I bend the rules constantly, but I refused this time._

"Your well-being was compromised," said Spock, the tiniest of glare attached to his statement.

"It was not prudent to involve you. Scotty had some free time."

"You are not being truthful."

"I'm being honest."

"As your first officer, your health at that time was a concern for me." Spock stood then, cutting a formidable figure before Jim. Sulu initiated autopilot for the moment, curious with the exchange between Jim and Spock. Uhura bounced her gaze back from the captain and first commander as well, a look of astonishment on her face.

Jim cursed his body. Oh, he wanted to show Spock he was not at his limit. But, at this moment, he was. The world reeled as he sat and his ribs hurt worse than he remembered the last time he was lucid. He tilted his head back, careful not to press into the place Uhura just tended to, and squinted at his first officer.

"As your captain, your safety was my concern."

"As your friend, Jim," Spock began, slowly, "I would have preferred the option to be involved in a mission which had a 100% probability of increasing rehabilitation."

_Ouch_. Jim was speechless.

Spock never reveals his feelings, and he does so now?

Jim stared at Spock.

Spock stared back.

This Spock was beginning to know more about Jim then he really wanted him to and now, shows the beginning of some..some...feeling about their friendship?

Jim didn't know how to handle that.

Except to be protective of his family, his crew.

The clandestine operative group could make anyone they wanted disappear. Or worse. Putting Spock in that position, well, wasn't something Jim had wanted to do.

Scotty, well. Scotty had said an immediate yes because he wanted to talk with the Ambassador again.

Scotty's loyalty to Jim was unprecedented from the moment they met.

_But Spock._

Their road to friendship had not been easy. He wanted to keep that friendship which was coming along so nicely and not endanger Spock. Jim never meant to hurt him. He did not want to be the reason their relationship suffered.

"I..I'm sorry." He meant it. Spock gave the barest of nods.

Jim had to move the mission along. "The other thing, Uhura."

Jim hated this part.

"Oh, yes," Uhura stammered at the command Jim threw at her. "Captain Kirk also obtained employment at the Green Gate for Tarsus survivor, Kevin Riley, as a young aspiring but superb scientist. That is what drew Kodos there in the first place."

"So, you see, Riley is there because of me."

"Jim," said Spock. He handed a PADD to Jim. "You have two minutes to read this and tell me what it means to you. Jared Vager sent it to you at 1000 hours this morning."

Uhura unstrapped Jim and he took the PADD from Spock. He was surprised to see the device Reed gave him at first but that cloud of remembrance struck him again. He must have gone to engineering with Spock to get equipment which was already in the shuttlecraft.

He read the list on the next screen. Silently. Bitterly.

"The first nine names are the Tarsus survivors, including myself. The second nine names were the other children I rescued at that time, but never heard of again and they were not among the listed survivors once Starfleet arrived."

He blanched as he read specific orders by each Tarsus survivor name and the person who gave the order.

"Marcus. Sloan, the agent in charge of Revlair. Brainwashing. Drugging." Was this all that Marcus had thought of? Using people?

He frowned when he came to his name again. There was an order listed for this day.

"Jim, what is the control group?"

He blinked several times, trying to filter through it all.

"The control group..looks like it is the group I thought was missing. Their orders are all..." He couldn't finish.

"They were given soon after the massacre on Tarsus."

"And they are all alive." No date of death had been filled in. "Section 31 or Kodos are using them. Oh my God. Those kids..."

"They are not children anymore, Jim."

"No," Jim said angrily. "They're like Memphis. Brainwashed. Destroyed." He slammed the PADD down. "Those were children I saved and somehow Kodos or Marcus or both got to them first and who the hell knows what happened to them next."

"I am concerned, Jim, about the fact you have been added to the control group." Spock said stiffly.

"I shouldn't have left them that day. I should have stayed. It's my fault."

_It's my fault. My fault._

He had failed to save them.

_Kodos._

"Jim."

_Marcus. Who is dead, but many others could step up to do what he did. Like Sloan._

Spock said something else to him. Jim couldn't listen.

_I failed._

_They were left alone and somehow were taken, because I went out to try to 'save' one more thing._

Jim laughed bitterly. He couldn't stop laughing. He got to his feet then, and pounded his broken wrist into the wall. It hurt but he deserved it. The pain made him feel.

And he deserved that.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek.

* * *

Chapter 14

He pounded the wall again.

_Pain_.

For his failure.

Someone pulled him away and he could not reach the wall anymore. His arms were pinned down to his sides.

"Captain, the children on Revlair need you," murmured Uhura close to his ear.

"The children," Jim spat out, "need someone who won't fail them."

She blurred before him. He was pushed to a seat.

"Jim, the drug will be in effect shortly. I need to see your memories to lessen the effects of stage three."

"Memories of failure."

"Jim," said Uhura. "It was not your fault. You're not thinking clearly."

"I'm thinking just fine, Uhura," Jim raged.

"Dr. McCoy will come through, but Spock needs you to be willing to meld with him."

"I don't want to do this to you, Spock."

"I am Vulcan. It is necessary to reduce your violent tendencies."

"You have no idea what you're getting yourself into." Jim snorted.

"We only have one hour. Uhura, if Jared Vager awakes, you need to break our connection." Spock ordered, already letting his hand rest on Jim's face.

He jerked away.

_No. I can't do this._

"No."

Jim seethed inside. He wasn't giving Spock these atrocities to deal with. He managed on his own and would continue, drug or not. He'd die with them all to himself.

He deserved it. _Because I failed._

Spock's hand drifted to his face once more as Jim contemplated his own punishment. _Maybe I should relent, experience it all again. Show Spock how messed up I am._

Jim imagined the pain it would bring Spock even as the commander's fingers touched his face. Jim winced for what was to come.

_Too late._

Spock already opened up the place Jim never returned to in his mind, except for the nightmares.

_Tarsus IV._

* * *

Thirteen-year old Jimmy glared at Spock.

"You skipped some fun times you know. There was juvie, which was the best without Frank. And then lots of fights. Lots of them. I guess driving a car off a cliff makes you a target. I got arrested- again. To try to get away from Frank and into juvie again."

Jimmy dared Spock to say something.

He didn't.

"But I got sent to Tarsus instead."

Spock observed him with caution, eyeing his legs and arms. He probably already saw how thin he was. _Stupid fungi._

Jimmy kicked the dust at his feet. "Dammit, Spock, we're here, anyways, and I..."

He was distracted with movement in the woods to their left.

"... gotta go."

Jimmy hightailed to the woods, following the movement for a few minutes on the edge. He was stealthy, careful not to crack a twig or move too fast once he was almost parallel to them.

"Do you see them? We're under martial law and those are Kodos' guards," Jimmy whispered to Spock. "They're headed towards a scientist's house- a friend. We are investigating the fungus, he and I, as well as two other scientists decades older than me. I should've been there already."

Jimmy stopped talking to Spock now. He can't get distracted for what's next.

He should warn Spock this was before any real killing began. It won't seem like it, though.

_I guess me thinking this warns him. _He looked at Spock looking at him.

_Yeah. I guess it does._

Jimmy could tell Spock was probing in his mind, trying to figure out why he was out here in the woods in the first place.

_Go, Spock. I don't want you here._

_Jim, I cannot leave you. Where are you?_

The tidbits formed in Jimmy's mind for Spock, explaining his habits on Tarsus. Jimmy was frustrated with Spock. All this hurt too much, but he could not help but give Spock the painful memories continuously coming to the forefront.

_The house is larger than others on the colony planet. The woods lead to it because the owner, Stephen Riley, prefers privacy for his wife and two sons, Kevin and Stephen, Jr. It's well out of the way from roads leading directly to town._

_I'm a wanderer, Spock. I hang out with my cousin, William, and his friends, sure, but I prefer to explore. It means freedom._

_Which is why I had even come across the scientist in the first place, sitting out on his front porch. Mr. Riley had been friendly, and when he found out I had a knack for solving problems he took a gamble and brought me into the tight circle of those who were wary of the fungus problem._

_We'd gotten somewhere, finally._

_And then Mr. Riley did not allowed me to come by for a week, until today, after he sent one of his boys to my aunt's house with the message._

_Enough of that. _It was hot and sweat dripped down Jimmy's forehead. He wiped it away and crouched behind a tree, looking and waiting.

Guards had used the front door already- by force. He heard yelling. A woman's scream. A man's voice loud but trembling. Mr. Riley.

Jimmy didn't think twice as he scurried to the house. He went along back to a window that was cracked. No one was in the room so he pushed it open, enough to squeeze through. He moved to door of the room and cracked it.

Thump.

He looked up towards the sound.

The guards were upstairs where the scientist's office was and his kids' rooms were.

Jimmy went to the kitchen, acting on instinct, and grabbed a knife. Spock looked at him in surprise. Jimmy held on to it even tighter, looking at the commander in defiance.

_You don't know what it's like here, Spock. I'm taking this knife with me._

The boys were eight and seven years old. He already heard their crying. It was loud, unnaturally loud, to be heard from the floor above him.

Jimmy took to another stairwell.

"You can't fix what Governor Kodos doesn't want fixed, Mr. Riley. Give us your information or your wife dies." The voice of the guard provoked a woman's screams. More thumps. Then silence.

Jimmy made it to the next floor just in time to see a pair guards push Mr. Riley off his own balcony.

Jimmy vaguely thought how he'd miss his stimulating conversations.

Kevin and Stephen were gaping at where their father had just stood, not realizing yet the two guards moved towards them now.

Jimmy turned feral. It was a blinding rage and overpowering urge to protect those orphan boys from murderers which fueled his actions. Yes, he was thirteen, but he was a thirteen year old who'd had an unnatural violent life already.

Jimmy left the guards' bodies limp on the balcony after he killed them with the kitchen knife. He took the two boys by the hand and dragged them down the stairwell, telling them his name was JT. They crossed over the broken front door and no one looked back at the house in the woods.

He could no longer be Jimmy.

It was the changing for him. The point of no return.

His aunt welcomed the boys, who spoke nothing of their parents' slaughter. He told his aunt that their father would be out of town for a few days and needed them to watch over his boys, even showing her a message he managed to dub from a few messages the scientist had sent him over the past few weeks. That sort of hacking was easy. His aunt believed it. The boys' quietness alerted no one.

Tarsus IV was already a strange sort of quiet.

Rations were slim and had been for weeks. People were already not themselves. And who was his aunt to know the boys had just witnessed their parents' murder? JT smiled at the two boys, told William to be good to them, and went to his room. JT remained there for three days. He did not come out. He did not let anyone in.

He had forgotten about Spock. But Spock was there. As JT felt the rush of what happened, Spock's presence became soothing. His chest stopped pounding towards the end of day three. JT couldn't look at him, though. How could you look at your first officer after you just killed two people?

_Jim, you saved those two boys._

_At what cost? I'm a thirteen year old murderer._

_You could have done nothing less, Jim._

_I deserve whatever comes my way because of it. Frank always said I was destined to be a no-good teenager._

_No, Jim. You are a child who helped save two other children from their murder because of your great courage and selflessness._

This "courage" marks the beginning of his nightmares and endless pursuit of getting rid of this part of himself.

_Jim, what nightmares?_

_Bones knows. He knows almost everything. I kept him up at the Academy with the nightmares. He threatened to throw me out unless I got help, went to therapy, talked to a psychiatrist, all that sort of bullshit._

_Did you, Jim?_

JT snorted as he lie in his bed, finally turning his head to look at Spock.

"Really? You don't know the answer to that?" JT turned back to staring at the wall, and pulled a palm-sized rubber ball from under his pillow. He bounced it back and forth, back and forth, in perfect rhythm. "He had pity on me, and we worked through it. He's the best friend I ever had. But he can't fix me."

JT stopped throwing and catching the ball for a few seconds. "And neither can you, Spock."

Three days JT was in his room, and then Kodos called for a meeting in one week for invitees in town.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek.

Author's Note: Will the real Chapter 15 please stand up? Good grief. It took over 6,000 words before I got to this particular posted chapter. And then I got rid of said 6k, which was a good thing. ;0 That said, oh please please please...like this chapter? I am extremely encouraged by your reviews, favs, and follows. THANK YOU. And DLB48 ... if I owned ST, you'd be rich because I'd be paying you big bucks for all the detailed help you've given me.

* * *

Chapter 15

"Captain, we've landed." Uhura's soft voice and the quietness of the shuttlecraft beckoned James gently towards the situation on Revlair. He welcomed her intrusion as it led his thoughts from his other horrific reality Spock and he had experienced together through the meld.

James could not help but wonder how much meditation Spock would require after enduring the rawness of James' Tarsus past to the very moment JT was chained and brutalized by Governor Kodos. The Vulcan was still on the floor beside him and oblivious to James's own awakening during his recovery from James' emotions.

Throughout the opening and closing of the doors in James' consciousness Spock did not stop for anything. Spock pushed and pushed despite James' adamancy that he hated, yes hated, the Vulcan for making him dwell on all he endured at thirteen. As much as James hated everything on Tarsus and told Spock in less than professional terms to leave him alone, the commander did not relent. His unrelenting forced the response of violence from James' mind almost completely.

James squinted until Uhura discreetly lowered the lights of the ship. She handed him a cup of something.

Water. He drank too eagerly until Uhura touched his arm. "Slow down, Captain." Her voice held concern, not pity.

James recognized the difference because he scorned the latter. Even Sulu showed concern in his eyes and waited for a response from James. But James' head pounded, his mind heavy and his body overly warm.

"How are you, Captain?" Uhura spoke again and James was not inclined to answer.

James was certain the question was simple enough for anyone else. However, for him, now...it held too many layers to peel back to answer her and he only put his head in his hands and sighed.

He was...so many people. And those people were not okay. But all wanted to be.

The meld had shown him Jimmy, a kid abused and neglected, forgotten and lost, defiant and troubled.

It had shown him JT, a kid burdened with more than any young teen should have been given. A promise of death and fragile hope of survival. An unexpected betrayal and days of torture.

It had shown him that James wasn't even who he was. It was this captain Uhura, Sulu, and everyone else around him endeared him to be.

It frightened him, thinking of being captain. For now, he'd rather be James, who he was certain garnered an attention from Dr. Carol Marcus.

_Carol_. The woman who smelled like strawberries.

He wished to talk her but at the back of James' mind, he knew Carol was where she was most  
needed.

The Enterprise.

If Carol was on the Enterprise and he was here on this mission to save the Enterprise maybe striving to be this captain everyone called him to be was the answer.

He'd gladly trade her safety for her attention. So she would be safe. James decided then and there to think like their captain. Like Jim would think.

_She called me Jim_. He would be Jim- for Carol.

It was difficult because of his aching head and the confusion littering his thoughts but Spock's interference and the image of Carol kept him grounded enough to set himself on the course for the mission.

"Lieutenant," Jim did not look up at Uhura as he began. He hoped he would piece together what he needed to ask without coming off as a brainless idiot. "How far away are we from the facility?"

"One kilometer," replied Uhura.

"I need to awaken the commander and the prisoner. It's time." Jim sunk his head lower in his hands and pressed his fingers into his skull to try to alleviate the pain.

"As I am already complete with my meditation, captain, there is not need to awaken me. I will summon the prisoner."

"Commander," Jim looked up startled.

"Captain," Spock regarded him carefully. Jim allowed the inspection, knowing the Vulcan calculated how far gone his mind was compared to whatever shade of black his eyes was. Jim in turn inspected the commander- his first lieutenant. Spock looked no worse for having been immersed in Jim's shame, anger, fear, and torment on Tarsus.

Jim was relieved at the freshness of Spock's appearance. _They may survive this yet._

"You are in pain, captain," Spock commented.

"Yes, Mr. Spock. A headache. Not enough to keep me from going out in this sub-zero weather, however." Jim ignored the fact that his ribs still hurt as well as his wrist. "Are we good?"

Jim held his breath waiting for Spock's answer. He needed to be well enough to face this mass murderer once again.

"Jim, your eyes are shaded 31.56%. It is favorable."

"Favorable, at almost one-third?" Jim did not view the odds quite the same. From the look Sulu gave Spock, he didn't either. The things was, Jim was absolutely positive his eye color would not change in one kilometer. He had to trust Spock. "Alright, then."

Spock went to Memphis while Jim donned the boots more appropriate for climate and terrain of Revlair. As he took the coat from Uhura, he caught a glimpse of his face in part of the ship.

Jim did not like what he saw. The image which stared back at him was not the face Jim recognized for the past twenty-seven years.

"Oh, shit," he exclaimed. His gray-black eyes frightened him and he could not finish zipping his coat up as his hands began to shake. Jim's eyes emitted a menacing look he immediately attributed to those like Memphis, Frank...Kodos.

Come to think of it, Memphis' eyes were black.

Frank's eyes had just been dark with drunken rages.

Not only were Kodos' eyes murky with genocide, but his whole countenance was enslaved to the dark acts he committed against innocent civilians.

And Jim. Now Jim's eyes carried a similarity to his own demons.

No wonder Carol had been afraid of him.

"Jim, I need you to look at me." Uhura's presence, bright and commanding, joined the reflection. He saw her smile, an attempt at encouraging him, but his own eyes were more mesmerizing.

They would bring him back to the place he barely escaped. It was too tempting.

"Captain," she said, her voice more like an echo, "let me help you with your coat."

Jim leaned closer to his reflection. Curiously, his eyes were no longer a pale gray. They had become darker, murkier. How'd that happen? Jim wondered how long before they would turn...

His thought went unfinished as strong hands pulled him away from his reflection and pushed him back up against the side of the ship. Spock's force was more telling than the commander's face. Something was wrong when Spock did not let go of him but continued to hold an arm against his chest.

"Why the hell did you do that for?" Jim yelled, irked that the first officer he trusted had manhandled him in such a way. He winced with pain from his ribs as Spock refused to let go. _Oh, Bones is going to kill me. _

"Captain, a correlation exists between the blackness of your eyes and your violent tendencies," Spock said calmly, face inches from Jim's. "As you stared at your own reflection, your eyes were increasing in their dark shade. We cannot let that happen."

"Oh," Jim stated, feeling slightly the brainless idiot he had not wanted to appear. _Damn this drug_. Then he smirked. "I'm my own Medusa?"

Spock peered at him and Jim caught a half-smile on the Vulcan's lips before it slipped away. The first officer loosened his grip on Jim.

"Fascinating," Spock stated. "I find your attempt at humor during stage three of the drug increasing the probability we will come out of this alive, Jim."

Jim shrugged his shoulders, just glad to know what he shouldn't do the rest of the time in the ship, walking the icy ground of Revlair, or in the Green Gate- look at himself.

His attention snapped back to Uhura. "You said something about my coat?"

"Let me help you," she said.

Jim didn't need any help as his hands stopped shaking but he wanted to ask Uhura a question in private. So he let her and suffered a small glare from Spock as the lieutenant tended to the simple task.

"Uhura," Jim whispered as he aligned his face up with hers to speak in her ear. "I'm not trying to make Spock jealous, but I need to ask you something."

"Yes, Jim," Uhura said, as she lifted an eyebrow in question so similar to the way her boyfriend did.

Jim waited until Spock focused his attention on the still-unconscious Memphis.

"Strawberries. She smells like strawberries."

"Um, who?" Uhura asked as a grin appeared on her face.

"You know who," Jim said, exasperated Uhura was playing dumb just to egg him on. "I want to know...how she does that?"

"I think it's her shampoo." Uhura whispered in Jim's ear, her breath on his cheek.

"Shampoo?" Jim tried to wrap his mind around that. Not perfume?

"Or lotion," Uhura added. "Carol's conservative, Captain, with her beauty regime. Not like the ones you're used to."

"The ones I'm..." Jim stuttered. "Hey..."

Uhura gave a small laugh. "I know you're enthralled by her, Captain. I think it's kinda cute."

"You're laughing at me," Jim said, rolling his eyes. He didn't want to be cute. He wanted to knock Carol off her feet with a surprise because of all he'd done to frighten her. "I just wanted to know because, well..."

Jim stopped as Spock and Memphis were now dressed in the appropriate attire and ready to leave the ship, with Memphis's cuffs back on his hands. Spock had been efficient preparing Memphis for the short journey to the Green Gate. Sulu held the supplies he and Uhura needed in hand to retrieve the other ship which was 4 kilometers away.

And here he was dallying in a conversation with Uhura about Carol and strawberries. Thinking about the science officer and her sweet scent calmed him. The alternative was unfavorable. And what was the alternative?

Hurting everyone on this ship. Jim did not want to dwell on his susceptibility towards violence, not now, with three of his crew staring at him, and Memphis expecting something from him as well. What Memphis wanted, as he leered at Jim with a smug smile, was certainly to provoke Jim.

Merely observing Memphis set Jim on edge. He figured out specifically what Memphis had done during the meld and keeping his own rage at bay would be impossible if he had to drag Memphis to the Green Gate.

"Mr. Spock," Jim used what was for him the most impersonal way to address his first officer, to keep him detached from his inner turmoil. "It is your duty to transfer the prisoner to the Green Gate while I lead us into the building." _Because I'll kill him if I touch him._

Spock nodded, expression careful as if he'd heard Jim's thoughts. "Yes, Captain."

Jim turned to the helmsman, glad Sulu was as adventure hungry as he was. "Ready to go spelunking?" Jim grinned, a bit envious of Sulu and Uhura.

"Raring, Captain," Sulu said immediately.

"Mr. Sulu, in the outside pocket of your bag are two devices. Take them out, turn them both on, keep one for yourself and give the other to Lieutenant Uhura." Sulu promptly did what Jim asked. "They will lead you to the ship. Stay together, stay awake, and contact Mr. Spock as soon as you get the ship out of its hiding."

Jim frowned as he rethought this plan. It was cold here, way too cold for Spock. Jim pulled out the extra gloves and his own face mask from his pocket and handed him to the commander.

"Put them on, Mr. Spock," he said. Spock raised an eyebrow but made no move to grab them from Jim's hands. "Just...you stand there having already calculated what this temperature will do to you within the kilometer we have to walk. You have the prisoner. I do not. It's logical. Take them."

Jim pushed the gloves and mask towards Spock again.

"Logical, captain. Indeed." Spock took the offerings.

"Isn't this sweet."

Memphis' sneer matched the undertone of his voice.

_Betrayal. In league with Kodos._

"Always self-sacrificing," Memphis laughed. "Don't you ever tire of that, JT?"

_JT. Boy who was tortured._

He had sacrificed- numerous times. Over and over. And for what? JT had lost half of what he saved in the end, anyways.

Jim breathed but could not exhale right away as an encroaching sadness covered him. Memphis' taunting burned his chest as the faces flashed before him who were lost in a very different way than he had once believed.

Keep moving, he told himself. Ignore Memphis.

Jim went to exit the shuttlecraft.

"You're going to die here anyways," Memphis said softly. "And all those you care about."

Jim stiffened, hesitating at the top of the steps.

_It's not worth it, James. Give it up._

Giving up meant no more struggle with himself. He could be...James.

Jim stalked out of the shuttlecraft as the rage continued to burn its way through every sane thought he held close.

_No. No. No_. He promised himself..no..HER...he'd be Jim.

He kept walking. He heard the crunch of Spock and Memphis' boots behind him. The frigidity of Revlair did nothing to Jim unlike Memphis' next words.

"I did it because I did not want to be saved. I did it because others wanted to die anyways and you prevented them from doing so." Memphis voice was as cold as the air they breathed. "I found something better than the agony you left me in."

Memphis' confession froze time for Jim and he edged past his own voice of reason. He forgot about Spock. He forgot about Carol. He forgot about being Jim as he responded to Memphis.

Being _this_ was agony. He just wanted to _know_. It crushed him that half of the children he saved had not had their chance to live as normally as possible. So, yes, he wanted to know, and Memphis seemed to have the answer.

"Will you tell me what was this...better thing?"

And then Jim wanted to _forget_.


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek.

Author's Note: The home stretch! About six more chapters! Thanks to all who have stuck with my "debut" story here. I admit, it's been difficult due to a sleep issue for much of the story. Writing on three hours of sleep- don't recommend! That said, I hated to leave the story hanging so I kept going these past few weeks. Anyways, without a beta I can't imagine what ya'll would've thought of this! ;) Thanks again for the support. I hope you enjoy the final chapters...

Author's Note #2: I have a Jim & Carol focused story in the works that happens directly after Escape Artist. I'm tempted to post a chapter of it now but will wait...yes..I will wait. And then, another WIP to share along with that. More details to be announced on my profile page within a day or two.

* * *

Chapter 16

Listening to Memphis' deliberate vocal details of Jim's Tarsus past reminded Spock of the time Jim manipulated him on the bridge.

_Spock made no attempt to deny he fiercely disliked Jim Kirk at that particular time. Dr. McCoy could attest to that since he witnessed Spock's purposeful and personal attack with mentioning George Kirk's death at the initial hearing over the Kobayashi Maru. Rendering Jim unconscious and removing him from the Enterprise was another drastic action caused by Spock's dislike. Comparing Jim to a stallion which needed broken, another. And marooning Jim on Delta Vega._

_It was pointless to dwell on all that now and on the self-loathing Spock had at the completion of saving Earth, but it served a purpose._

_That feeling of dislike had morphed into skepticism, skepticism to admiration, and admiration to friendship. And, finally from friendship to this sense of extreme compassion and dedication not usually attached to Spock's friendships nor to his standard and satisfactory dedication to his superior officer._

_This increased dedication he felt...was illogical and unfamiliar._

He withdrew from this uncomfortable train of thought to consider, a bit cautiously at first, that Memphis and Jim were not unalike. Influenced by drug or demon. Never properly given the help they needed. Never accepting of any assistance they were offered.

Memphis' attempt to emotionally compromise Jim in the extreme elements, before they reached their destination, was a direct effort to sabotage their success. However, Spock wanted to save the Enterprise, the Tarsus 9- and Jim.

Clearly, Memphis was adept at getting what he wanted despite challenges just like Jim.

"I hated you then and I will not deny myself that same emotion towards you today. I took the person I was when you left me, an orphan with tragedy imprinted in his mind, and went to someone who transformed me in the name of bettering the world." Memphis spouted to Jim, whose statuesque posture bothered Spock more than any weaving on his feet Jim would do.

"You turned yourself in," Spock commented abruptly, after assessing the captain's demeanor. The past 23 hours was prompting symptoms of post traumatic stress Jim had done his best to suppress- for years.

Since the meld, Spock's own intuition and knowledge of Jim's feelings had grown. He could not ignore the suffering of the captain.

In fact, Spock could not ignore it at all.

Pieces of Jim's life, now secure in the thoughts of Spock in a precise and telling manner, forced Spock to view Jim with different calculations. This man, displaced from childhood at aged 13, was not the same man Spock had come to know and view as friend. Jim would be that same man to him once Spock was able to reconcile the hidden scars with the man before him.

Even the recording he saw of Jim's scars had not affected Spock in the same, deep manner.

_A slow boiling pot_. Uhura had been correct in her judgement of Jim's past.

"I created the opportunity to save myself and sent JT to what he deserved." Memphis said to Spock.

"Your own life, to live free as you wanted, was not worth anything to you?" Jim interjected, pulling back his hood. Spock could now see what he already suspected.

Jim's tolerance level for properly dealing with Memphis' taunts about Tarsus exponentially lowered. The drugging had sabotaged the captain's emotional well-being. The captain's eyes were rimmed with red, his jaw set, cheeks flushed, and from the look of Jim's chest movement- his heart rate irregular.

"Free," Memphis laughed bitterly. "Free to die a horrid death from famine. I took a chance."

"I don't know if I can ever forgive you for this." Jim growled after he heard Memphis explain his actions.

"You assume I want your forgiveness." Memphis smiled eerily.

Jim stalked towards Spock and his prisoner as a haze of snow began to cover them. "You took a chance on eight people. You think you can tell me that a five year old, terrorized into muteness, did not want to be saved. You think you knew better and so decided to split up a brother and sister, sending one to what I imagine was a sort of hellish brainwashing and the other to living without the only family she had left. You think you can stand here and convince me that making yourself feel better was worth betraying not only me, but eight innocent children."

"I think I chose the path that freed those eight individuals, Captain."

"You had no right to do that to them," Jim yelled. "We were all just kids, Memphis. Kids!"

"The only reason they agreed was because of you."

"What do you mean?" Jim paled.

"You stole food from the guards, rescued seventeen individuals who were on the genocide list, killed numerous guards, destroyed information, and ruined Kodos' plan to murder the Riley family in its entirety. Actually, it was your cousin's ramblings of worry for you that helped me process what you did and come to the conclusion you would be worth something to the governor."

Jim's face contorted to show regret, devastation...guilt. He looked warily at Memphis. "If I had done what Kodos had asked me to do while I was his prisoner would he have saved those children?"

Spock remembered what Kodos had asked Jim. The information from Riley's scientific experiments. And more.

Memphis stepped towards Jim, looking at him with an expression of pity. "Yes."

Memphis' internal struggle led him to trusting to the very ones who killed his parents and thousands others. Illogical. Spock did not think that was the entire story for Memphis.

Jim's internal struggle sent him on a cyclic path of constant conflict and no respite for his emotions.

Both Memphis and Jim had been catapulted into self-preservation at an early age. Presently, Memphis was acting to preserve himself yet again. No doubt Jim would do whatever it took to ensure the safety of his crew now.

Jim pulled out his phaser and directed it towards Spock. "Take off your coat, Spock."

"Captain," Spock said, "That will..."

"I realize what it will do to you, Spock, but right now you're going to listen to me. Take it off, and toss it over."

Spock slipped his coat off as Jim's expression became more tortured. "Jim, he is using you."

"No, no, Mr. Spock," Jim said, a bit sadly. "It's not Memphis who is using me."

Jim raised his gaze from the frozen ground. The resignation in his eyes made Spock's chest crawl with apprehension. It also included emotions that Spock understood since delving into Jim's past.

Jim's plan was...dangerous.

Spock concluded that Jim had planned this, whatever this was, all along. A protective action of the captain to get Spock out of harm's way that, of course, was not in the best interest of said captain.

"The coat, Mr. Spock." Jim jerked his head. Spock threw the coat. It landed on the ice over twenty feet away. "And your phaser."

Spock obeyed again.

"Release his cuffs, commander." Jim wiped his eyes as he squinted in the cold air.

"Captain, that is unwise." Spock's body already reacted to the unnaturally cold weather. A trance- and soon- would be the only way he could survive.

"Release him," Jim said tightly.

"No, Captain, I will not."

"Mr. Spock," Jim said, "you have ten seconds to obey my orders or you will find yourself stunned and lying on the same sheet of ice directly underneath your boots. And I do not know when anyone would be able to rescue you from this dangerous climate."

Spock waited five seconds before releasing Memphis' cuffs, using this time to consider Jim's well-being and that of Memphis.

"Now, Memphis." Jim continued to point the phaser at Spock. "Put those on Mr. Spock."

Memphis chuckled as he put the cuffs on Spock. "You may have bought time with that little mind meld, but it won't rescue any of you. Unfortunately, for you Mr. Spock, this drug will ultimately put your captain under the command of who holds peace for Jim's mind. And who is that, JT?"

Jim remained silent. His eyes glazed over- and not only with tears. Jim had been slowed down enough to contemplate all that happened on Tarsus in a deeper way than Jim had never done before. The drug, coupled with his memories and all that Memphis reminded him of and betrayed him with, now brought Jim's boiling pot to a lethargic simmer. If Spock would continue to use Uhura's analogy...

The simmer would be more destructive than the boil.

If delayed as a simmer long enough without the right resources, such as Dr. McCoy and his drive to find Jim's cure, it would destroy the strongest parts of Jim and exploit the weakest.

If Memphis gained the upper hand, Spock would not survive.

If Spock did not survive, neither would Jim.

* * *

"Lenore Karidian."

Ambassador Spock's first words to Lenore were unusual. They were slow as well presumptuous.

"How do you know my name?" Lenore whispered, hesitant to watch the ambassador on the comm's view screen as she cried. Her first realization was that Ambassador Spock was Vulcan. She'd not expected that, but it did make sense since the children trusted him.

"I know who your father is, Miss Karidian."

Her second realization was that she had been living in the dark too long.

His response did not answer her question and, furthermore, the response did not settle her churning stomach. She still heard Kevin's whimpers, an excruciating reminder that her father or others with him were mistreating the scientist.

Her friend, or at the very least, a friendly acquaintance.

Her father, a stranger but the only familiar thing to her on Revlair.

It was achingly horrific.

"My father...Kevin Riley," choked out Lenore through her tears. The comm trembled in her hands. "He is...hurting Kevin."

"Where are you, Miss Karidian?"

"The basement...at the Green Gate." She whispered even softer, not sure he'd even hear her this time.

"I assume you are in hiding?" Ambassador Spock must have super-hearing.

She nodded, struggling to cease her crying because maybe that would stop her shaking.

"Stay hidden for now, Miss Karidian. I do not wish to see you hurt. Can you see them now and describe to me exactly what is happening?"

"Okay," she said, scooting herself back to the vent. "They're leaving, my father and three guards. Kevin is strapped to a chair. He looks unconscious. The room has one light in the center, and it looks abandoned except for the chair Kevin is sitting in."

"What is Kevin's condition?"

"I heard his bones cracking. His legs...they are bloodied, but his hands are worse off, Ambassador."

Even from where she was Lenore saw the distorted shape of his fingers. And her eyes followed the trail of blood up his arms to his chest and shoulders, which were bare.

"I see scars and new wounds," she whispered, "and his face, I cannot even see his face because it's so messed up."

"The children who gave you the comm, did they say anything about Captain Kirk?"

"That the captain was not right in his mind and that he would not be able to get here in time to save Kevin."

"And you, what did they say about you?"

How did he know to ask that? How did he even know the children said something about her?"

"Lenore?"

She looked down at the ambassador's face on the comm. His expression revealed nothing to her, not a bit of comfort but no judgement, either. For some reason, it didn't bother her but forced her to speak truthfully.

"That I was destined to do good."

Ambassador Spock nodded slowly. "I do not think you will be able to take Mr. Riley out of the building on your own, but you could possibly delay what is about to happen. Are you willing to try?"

That's what she'd been doing the past hour. _Trying._

Could she do more? In spite of the fact her father was the one administering this evil?

"Yes," she said.

"If at all possible, get Kevin into the passageway. If not, I will do what I can to make sure help arrives, Lenore. Captain Kirk will help you if he can, I have no doubt, or bring someone to assist him. Another Mr. Spock, perhaps." Ambassador Spock paused. "Trust them."

"Okay," she faltered as she saw how desperate the situation was.

"Remain strong, Lenore."

"Why did my father do this?" Her heart wrenched at her own question that she did not even want answered yet.

"I cannot tell you, Lenore. You must think of what the children told you. You have a destiny to do what is right, what is good."

She turned the comm off, and pressed it against her chest. She would do this, whatever it took, to free Kevin. Divorce had tarnished the image she had of her father, and now this.

This was worse, so much worse, but her heart had already been slightly detached from their relationship. She would go to that place in her heart again, separating her father from her life, as she did before.

_To save this stranger._

She lifted the vent door, cringing at the minuscule squeak.

_To show the children here she had faith in their abilities._

It would be large enough for Kevin, she thought as she slipped through the now vacant space into the basement.

_To find answers._


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek.

Author's Note: Couldn't help but update twice in one day. :) Thank you DLB48 for the beta reading!

* * *

Chapter 17

"Commander, you will walk with us to the Green Gate. If you show the slightest hesitation, I will put you down." Jim hissed the words. "Move."

Memphis set keen eyes on Jim and Spock's interaction. Memphis wasn't stupid, but Memphis kept some trust in that the drug affected Jim enough to turn on his own crew.

This was Memphis' mistake, and the very one Jim's plan required. That, and Spock's sense of logic.

So now that the commander was, well, probably colder than he ever wanted to be, Spock's survival was dependent upon a trance.

Which, he should be doing now, but for some reason was delaying it.

_Spock, c'mon._

Spock looked warily at him, as he had been almost the entire time they'd been standing outside the shuttlecraft.

Jim would have to continue acting as a "distressed captain" so he moved behind his first officer and pressed the phaser into Spock's back. "Move!"

He cursed his shaking hand and his pounding chest. Jim was extremely grateful to Spock for setting the drug's effects back enough for him to at least be on the same side as his crew. The way his emotions were playing him, though, was distracting.

And Jim hated it.

He hated the fact that his emotions had been compromised since the beginning of the day. More than being drugged. More than revealing his secrets.

It was dealing with the repercussions of it all. Like now, Memphis' betrayal cut him to the quick and set a heaviness on his soul.

Bones would order him to stop being so melodramatic.

Jim would reply with some smart-ass comment, and they'd move on.

In truth, Jim would have to do something drastic to get his mind off everything when they got back to the Enterprise.

Jim rephrased his thought. He wanted to do something drastic, as he used to. But now, he couldn't do what he usually did without distancing himself from Carol or sacrificing his reputation as captain.

The woman with the strawberry scent would not put up with any sort of one night stand.

"Captain?" His rank was spoken with sarcasm.

_Memphis._

It irked Jim that he still drifted off so much. He better up his game.

"Do you still want Lenore aboard the Enterprise?"

It was a brooding look which Memphis gave Jim, as if he did not believe Kirk could no longer follow through with his promise.

"Yes." It was spoken with half-hidden passion. The glimpse into Memphis' feelings for this female was gone in an instant, but Jim saw it.

"If you dare cross me again, she won't have a chance," Jim said. "And if I allow Lenore to beam up to the Enterprise, Kevin goes with her. Understood?"

"You're in no position to change the plan to that."

"You have no other plan, do you Memphis? This is it." Jim continued holding his phaser against Spock as the walked towards the facility.

"You can't if you're dead."

"No, but Spock can."

"Is that why you cuffed him? I have to pretend you kidnapped your first officer?"

"You don't have to pretend anything." Jim chuckled. "He is kidnapped."

Spock chose that moment to fall to the ice and begin his trance._ At least we're halfway there._

"Great, Captain." Memphis retorted. "Your plan just backfired."

"No, time for plan B."

_Which is your plan, Memphis._ Jim was prepared to be taken in by Memphis. It was part of Jim's own strategy, after all. Spock would be in good hands once Ayhan or another child sensed the Vulcan was out here.

Jim knelt beside Spock to investigate his heart rate. Slower. His face looked peaceful. The first officer was down enough to look unconscious.

_Good._

"He looks dead." Memphis inspected Spock, kneeling beside him as well. Memphis snatched his hand from Spock's skin. "He's freezing."

"The cold can kill a Vulcan, you know."

"Pity, since we have to leave him."

"Yes, a pity," Jim responded in kind.

Memphis cocked an eye at him. Jim wondered what training Memphis had. Definitely more than just Kodos and the Academy.

"You do understand I have to take you in, Lenore in the picture or not. I think you'll save her anyways."

"Yes, I know." Jim couldn't look at Memphis without seeing the thirteen-year old he knew on Tarsus IV. It was in his eyes still. Just like it was in Jim's. Who was he kidding...he'd save Memphis, too, if at all possible. Forgiveness might take awhile, but maybe Memphis' brainwashing, or whatever this was, had a chance of being overhauled.

"You put on a decent show," Memphis said. "But we both know what will happen."

Memphis pulled a phaser from under his shirt. The tremor of Jim's hands was too great now for Jim to pull his own.

_This was it._

Memphis fired. Jim fell to the ice, hitting it hard on his side. His head slammed into the cold sheet right beside Spock. Jim tried to catch his breath as darkness waved in and out. Pain coursed through him again as Memphis fired a second time.

The stun provoked a few of the effects Jim and Spock had fought hard to suppress- adrenaline and strength. Jim groaned and set himself on his back, gravity doing more of the work than anything. He was in a vacuum- the warbling of Memphis' voice in the background as his body worked feebly to get up when another stun hit him. The shaking of his wrist distracted him until Jim saw the bones distorted once again from his fall. Did shards of ice slice their way into his shoulder?

Another fire and this time Jim felt nothing.

* * *

A man other than her father placed Lenore on a backless chair touching Kevin's. Bile entered her throat when she got closer to Kevin and saw his hellish wounds. Without a second glance at Kevin, Anton Karidian proceeded to curl and uncurl the rope in his hands. Lenore braced herself for whatever was to come.

Being tied up by your own father had its benefits.

For one, Anton Karidian made the knots looser than Kevin's. The rope didn't cut her circulation nor did it cut and bleed her wrists.

Secondly, he showed remorse, at least at first. That look of sadness in his eyes- it worked its way into her heart for a moment. He wrenched it away when he slapped her and cursed her for sneaking up on him.

Lastly, it initiated sympathy from the other prisoner. Hearing Kevin utter his own words of encouragement to her tore her soul. That he did not hate her was amazing.

For all three reasons Lenore decided she was a bit touched in the head now for making up such ridiculous notions.

Yes, her mind began to race with craziness and loneliness but mostly craziness.

The crazy part told her not to give up. Not just yet. Kevin was in no position to do anything for either of them. The weight of his body was a definite clue to that. Not to mention his physical state. That was when her father had slapped her. Talk about a return to reality.

Lenore pitied Kevin's poor posture which would worsen his wounds.

"Kevin," she whispered as she turned her head sideways. "Lean against me."

He shook his head. It was subtle, but she saw the effort. He responded...good.

"Please, maybe it will help you get some strength back." Her father paced back and forth and Lenore spoke again, relieved he was some distance from his prisoners. "I won't break. I promise."

Per her last request, Kevin leaned against her. It was quite the different posture than she'd seen him with since she sneaked through the corridor. Head forward, slouched. He was heavy, almost floundering in his backless chair until she told him to relax.

Now at least Kevin could look around, maybe help her plan an escape.

Only two other men were in the basement with her father. They stood on opposite sides of the only door. In Lenore's peripheral vision, she saw various instruments on a steel table.

Torture devices. A few hypos. Not all were sterile. Lenore gagged.

She continued to peer into every darkened corner from her seat. Her father seemed to be in his own place, muttering and pacing. Once he put his hands on his face and she thought for sure he was going to break down.

A few minutes and he started his cycle of muttering and pacing again.

"He's coming," Kevin rasped to her.

"What?"

"Kirk." His mouth almost touched her face as they both tried to move their heads towards each other. Now she could see his swollen eyes and the small glint in them.

"To save us?"

"Yes. Kirk...will come." Kevin swallowed. It was a painful task, Lenore pondered, as the scientist winced and coughed up blood.

Minutes passed. Probably hours. Lenore lost track of time but she did not lose track of her father's presence. He had not come close to her since he'd tied her. She was thankful for that because it meant Kevin's torture was paused.

_Oh, Kevin._

He'd fallen asleep just seconds ago. His head tilted then pressed against her shoulder. Lenore shifted her own weight to care for Kevin's bloodied face. She would help him be as comfortable as possible.

The time given to her as they sat there waiting allowed her imagination to stir. She wished, oh how she wished, that she and Kevin had not met like this. She wished that Anton Karidian had never been born.

That meant Lenore Karidian would not have been born and at this moment, that part of her imagination accepted that thought.

All to make this young man's life better.

And erase thousands of other deaths.

_Captain Kirk, please come._

She pleaded, she cried, she begged as silently and quietly as she could.

When she could not stand watching her father pace any longer and Kevin's weight became a permanent fixture to her shoulder and back, Lenore's plea was answered.

Captain Kirk's half nakedness as Memphis dragged him into the basement dropped Lenore's heart to her feet. She saw Kirk's scars, his wounds more hellish than Kevin's.

And Memphis. She'd always known he was a scoundrel, but someone capable of doing such an atrocity? He did not look at Lenore as he settled into obeying orders given by her father.

She began to know dread as it clawed its way from her toes to her fingers.

"Kevin," she cried. She literally cried, not caring if her father, or Memphis, heard her. He'd jerked up and eyes went wide as he saw the proceedings. Lenore had not looked over since she heard clangs but now she felt compelled to watch after seeing Kevin's reaction.

Lenore's tears continued to fall as her own eyes followed the movement in the only lit area of the basement.

Then she wished her father would go to hell.

Their chance of rescue was stretched out in chains.


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek.

Author's Note: And then there's _this_ chapter. Hurt!Jim addicts welcome. Those who get that we beat up on Jim and he still manages to captain a starship are welcome, too. ;0

Author's Note #2: Lenore is my wild card. I've taken liberties, as you've seen, to change her story. I felt it was alright since I'm dealings with "new" canon and she hasn't been touched, so to speak, in the movies. Also, I write historical fiction/romance and having a character like Lenore that I could manipulate to match my purpose..haha...has helped ground me to this story, so to speak. Her story results in ramifications for Jim...good or bad or both...you shall see in this chapter and others. And now...

* * *

Chapter 18

Nyota's inclination towards children was natural and complete. She cooed at babies, giggled with Dr. McCoy's daughter, and played ball with ten and eleven year olds. Spock's own appreciation for them peaked at 28.7%. He saw them as necessary.

Perhaps he should call it tolerance, instead.

The boys who half-carried Spock to the facility saved his life. His appreciation doubled.

For Nyota, he would tolerate children in the future. She would be deemed an excellent mother by human standards.

The two older boys' intelligence shown in their eyes. The third was intelligent as well, but younger by three years. He did not have the maturity of the taller ones. But his expression intrigued Spock. The child surveyed him up and down, as if looking for injury.

Delvok, the apparent leader of the trio of boys, introduced himself. He was no ordinary Vulcan. His half-humanness appeared to be dominant as Delvok smiled when Spock awoke from his trance. Delvok handed Spock the PADD that Jim had left behind. Spock unlocked the cuffs with stiff fingers, standing although he could hardly feel his legs.

Even after recalling what Uhura explanation of the Green Gate children, Spock had a momentary lapse of calculating his response to them. He could not find the proper words.

"Commander," Delvok began, "you can converse with us as Vulcans normally do. We will not misunderstand the Vulcan way or become upset."

The other boys agreed as they walked up the long path to the entrance. Delvok and Ivek flanked Spock on either side, assisting him to the building, arms fitted around his waist. Another time Spock would be fascinated by the striking appearance of the ice colors and the massive facility against the horizon. He had a fleeting thought of its structural beauty and that was all. His focus depended on eradicating his physical pain.

"I am Ivek," said the other taller boy. "The captain knew we would come for you."

Spock did not know the specifics of Jim's plan but trusted him. The children were a surprise.

"This front entrance is safe- two of the girls created a distraction for the men who were stationed here but we do not have much time." Delvok said. "Your prisoner took Captain Kirk to Kodos. We will show you the way, but we have to stay with the other children once we return to the facility."

"Do you know if the captain sustained any other injury?" Spock's chilled body demanded respite.

Ivek opened the door to the Green Gate and gave Spock his coat. Spock struggled as he shrugged it on. The chill inside the building was more than he was accustomed to but better than outside.

"Your prisoner stunned him and he has whatever injuries he sustained already." Ivek eyed Delvok. "Beyond that, we do not know. Too much is stopping me to read thoughts where Kodos and.."

"You are a telepath, not touch telepath?" Spock asked Ivek.

"Yes, that is my gift," Ivek said, a bit uncomfortably.

"They have Lenore Karidian as well as Kevin Riley," interrupted Delvok.

"The actor's daughter?"

The three boys hesitated. Delvok bit his lip. "I'm sorry, commander. Lenore is Governor Kodos' daughter."

"Explain."

"Governor Kodos is the actor who came to visit us."

"The ex-governor kidnapped his own daughter?" _Why?_

"Yes. Ayhan, the youngest of the children here, is gifted with ability to see the innate destiny of certain people. She insists Lenore is destined to do good in this situation. Lenore was caught trying to help Kevin."

_A child who can see destiny. Fascinating._

"How did she manage to get to him?"

"A secret passageway designed by Captain Kirk, but it will be too tight a fit for you. They made it safe for us- it is too small for adults."

The smallest of the three boys chimed in eagerly and with a brilliant smile. "We stole a card from a guard. It will open the old door downstairs!"

Spock's eyebrow raised unintentionally. The smaller boy gulped. "Um, I mean, we got..."

"Indeed," Spock said. He looked down his nose at the child and spoke rare words for a Vulcan. "Thank you."

* * *

Hands forced water in Jim's eyes, nose and mouth. The liquid choked his throat and then flushed into his lungs. _Burning. Suffocating._

Jim panicked and tried to jerk his head when he couldn't breathe. He was met with an unseen force which refused his movement.

The hands were as relentless as the water. The ringing in his ears transformed to a screech. His muscles tensed and ached, over and over again. Nothing he did removed him from his discomfort and the hands held the water there for a few more seconds. He would succumb to the white light around him but then the water disappeared just when he thought he'd pass out.

Some relief, if Jim could call it that, finally came from the simulated drowning. Even so, each time Jim breathed he still felt the needle-like pain he attributed to the sheer volume of water he was tortured with. Not only was there that pain lingering in his chest, but the pain from the shackles of his hands as he breathed.

Jim finally noticed the drastic way he was chained as he worked past the intense feeling in his chest. His arms strained with overextension.

They'd stretched his arms out to chain him like this, mercilessly. Then proceeded to wake him up with the water. He could not look up. He _would_ not look up, just to satisfy his torturer. Not yet. He did see his feet, now bare except for blood, water, and bone sticking out from his skin two particular places.

They had taken his damn shoes.

He pressed upward from the floor and yelled as the weight brought more knife-like pain.

They had broken his feet. Ankles, too. It was insane that he could not recall that happening.

He would not be walking out of here, clearly.

Sinking his weight into the chains cutting into his wrists was not the best solution. It was the only solution.

He could not stand up. He could not put any weight on his feet.

Damn Kodos.

There'd be no running out of here with Kevin and Lenore. Spock would be doing a lot of carrying.

Something long and thin slithered along his back. An animalistic sounding moan slipped out when Jim realized it was a whip. Someone silently taunted him with the choice weapon of Kodos. Invoking memories of child abuse was one of the cruelest ways to torture Jim. It touched his scars like a snake curled around its prey. Jim already knew of its jaws and what its bite would do. A sob arose from the dark places he always kept hidden.

"No more pretending, James. I know you're awake." The warmth of Memphis' breath touched his neck. Jim shivered and his hair stood up on end. Once upon a time, Jim had considered him a friend. "Time to face your demons." Memphis' sing-song voice played over and over.

This was his nightmare. Returning to Kodos' lair.

_NO_.

Jim pried his eyelids open and lifted his head as much as he could. His chest filled with more pain with the rise of his chin. It took great effort. Kodos' face came into his line of vision.

"James T. Kirk."

The voice had grown older just as his face. Still, Jim recognized both. He would never forget the one who played God.

"Enjoying your little vacation?" Kodos sneered.

"'vrthing... 'cept...the view," Jim rasped.

"You haven't lost your sense of sarcasm, I see. You will lose your ability to withhold information this time, James T. Kirk. I told you I'd find out your name."

"'s captain." Jim would fight and he'd fight by telling Kodos that he was no longer living in Kodos' maniacal past.

"Sir," interrupted one of the guards by the door. "We've word there's a disturbance."

"Go, check it out. Stay outside the door. Kirk's Vulcan first officer is dying out on the ice, so it's not him. It's probably nothing," Kodos shrugged.

Jim internalized his smug response. _The children came through._

"Today, you are JT." The lines on Kodos' face grew deeper and darker. "Memphis, prepare the serum."

* * *

A somber child of about three pressed the guard's card into Spock's hand. It was a deliberate offering. The little girl spoke to him telepathically while an alarm rang throughout the facility.

_I'm Ayhan. He can't walk, Mr. Spock. Lenore will be sad. Don't let Memphis go back with the bad men. Kevin will help._

She gave Spock those five sentences and disappeared as quickly as she had come up to him. The edge of her gown and bottoms of her feet the only things he saw down the corridor. It was eerily quiet inside this portion of the Green Gate. Delvok ushered the other two boys away and remained with Spock.

"This part is always deserted after duty hours. It was safe for Ayhan, for all of us, but it won't be for long." Delvok frowned. "I cannot believe they killed our caretakers. All of them. We won't be safe here when you leave."

_The ship Jim hid..._

"Have the children ready..." Spock took out his comm.

"They already are," Delvok said and then quickly quieted. Footsteps sounded, hesitant and searching. Spock gripped his phaser, motioning the boy behind him.

Two guards looked where the children had sounded the alarm minutes ago. Spock wasted no time in firing.

"They'll be three more." Delvok now looked scared.

"Go back to the others," Spock commanded. The boy scurried out of the way. "Spock to Sulu. Is the ship readied?"

"Almost, Commander."

"That is not acceptable."

"We ran into...a few obstacles. We need thirty minutes."

"Please inform Lieutenant Uhura we will have fourteen additional passengers."

"Commander," Sulu huffed. "We will barely hold that capacity now that the shuttlecraft was blown up."

"Lieutenant?" Spock said. "I was not aware of that the shuttlecraft had been destroyed."

"Just minutes ago. It came up on our sensors. Thank God the captain went to the effort to hide this ship."

* * *

Only Memphis and her father remained in the basement so when the door nudged open wide enough for a body to slip through and then a body _did_ slip through, Lenore grasped blindly at that bit of hope.

Whoever entered went unnoticed by her father and Memphis. Lenore did not allow her eyes to follow the shadow's movement. She could tell from the corner of her eye he was from Starfleet, just like Kirk. But who?

Kevin's elbow nudged her side. She tilted her head back then twisted her neck. They were now eye to eye, almost lip to lip. He had seen their visitor, too.

"Be ready," he mouthed to her.

Ready for what? She had no idea what she was supposed to do. Kevin could lean on her. That much was possible. If any adrenaline kicked in, she could make it to the door and beyond with Kevin at her side.

_Maybe._

Until then, Kevin and Lenore were the only other spectators to the torture ex-governor Kodos inflicted upon Captain Kirk. She was loathe to watch but her ears picked up every little thing her father did to him.

"I need those coordinates, James."

"Never... give them...to... you."

Captain Kirk's bravery stirred something within Lenore. _To defy the man who held so much power over you._

"You will." Kodos waved a hand to Memphis. "Give him the serum."

"Wait," Kirk heaved the word. "Who's...the girl?"

Kodos narrowed his eyes at Kirk. "Someone of no consequence to you."

"You only...need me. Why...innocent.. girl?" The captain inquired haltingly.

"Quit stalling, Kirk," Memphis took Captain Kirk by his hair and forced his head back, neck exposed. "Do you want me to do it, or not?"

Kodos delayed his reply. She didn't care for the frightening way he pinned his gaze on her.

_It's time, Miss Lenore._

_Devlok?_

_Ayhan says you must speak up._

"Father?"

Captain Kirk's reaction to her choice of endearment to the ex-governor wrenched away any confidence she had in herself.

"Father?" Kirk sputtered, still handled by Memphis. "You tied... up...your own...daughter?"

"To prevent her from harm, I assure you."

"Keeping her... here...?" Kirk hissed as Memphis pulled harder. "Bastard."

"Sir, we are running out of..."

"Enough, Memphis!" Kodos shouted. "I am aware of that."

He did not look away from the captain's eyes for several minutes. Captain's Kirk eyes fluctuated from gray to blue then to black. It was freakish, and Lenore forgot how to breathe.

"Stay with me, Lenore," Kevin whispered. She nodded. Or, maybe she shook her head. She still couldn't breathe correctly.

Her father, deep in contemplation, crossed his arms, fingers drumming along his shirt. He grew a smile like none she'd ever seen within a minute. It wasn't the smile used at her birthday parties or even after she performed a perfect monologue for his troupe. This was fully sinister, a match to whatever he was doing in this place.

"I see you are fairly upset about...Lenore," Kodos said. He cocked an eyebrow at Kirk. "My daughter."

Kirk growled at her father and that black gleam in his eyes stood out like fire.

"I hate to continue to distress you with this relationship, James," Kodos sneered. "Let me see if I can help you."

Lenore did shake her head then as the man who tied her up fingered her hair. Kevin held up her weight now. Kodos' hand gripped her chin and he pulled her face towards his.

"What do you remember about the children you rescued on Tarsus?" Kodos laughed. "The ones who were traded in for Memphis' life."

"What are you getting at?" Memphis came over and snatched Kodos' hand from touching Lenore's hair. "You're scaring her, your own daughter."

"Tell me, Captain Kirk," asked Kodos.

"They had full...lives ahead..." Kirk's voice was haunting. "Until...they were betrayed...and you... took them."

"If you'd been more cooperative, the possibilities would have been endless." Kodos stepped to Kirk's side. "Tell me, though, about the youngest you rescued. You do remember her, don't you?"

Kirk shook his head. He spat in Kodos' face. "Go to hell."

"She wouldn't talk. She was a sweet child, wasn't she?"

"She was mute...'cuz you murdered...her parents...in front of her." Kirk twisted in his chains with a strength Lenore had never seen in a man.

"A detail she forgot."

"She forgot..." Kirk's cry terrified Lenore. He jerked at the chains and moved his hands within the cuffs to the point they were constantly flowing with blood in an effort to escape them. She closed her eyes, unable to watch this man in such distress. "What... did...you do...you bastard? Where..is she?"

A hand caressed her shoulder. Her father never touched her like that. Ever.

"Right here, James. Right here."


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek.

Author's Note: The response you all gave me for the last chapter- THANK YOU! I'm glad the twist was so unexpected. *insert evil laugh*. No, really, Lenore has a small purpose in one of my future stories, so we'll see what happens to her in this one as we continue. Anyways, just a few more chapters. Thank you for the support with this story- couldn't have done it without great readers!

* * *

Chapter 19

_Daughter._

_Daughter that's not his daughter._

_She's been Kodos' daughter for twelve years._

_No, that's not right._

Jim scrunched his face in concentration, numbness of both body and mind seeping into all corners.

_What did Kodos say?_

_Lenore is not his daughter_.

He said she was...

_No_.

Jim did not believe him. She had similar curly, red hair, true, but she couldn't be one of the children he...

That hair...her eyes...her confusion.

_I had rescued...Lenore?_

_And Kodos, the damn monster, he took her as his own daughter?_

_That can't be true._

No. That was...entirely too cruel, too depraved...

_It isn't true. He's a master at manipulation..._

"You disgusting son of a bitch."

Jim couldn't have been more shocked at the words. Memphis spoke them.

* * *

A rush of adrenaline coursed through Spock's body and he easily accosted the guards outside the door. Positioning himself in the basement, his body suddenly and unfortunately demanded rest. His nerves adjusted to the current temperature with tingling pain. From his position, Spock observed Kodos without being detected.

In true Kirkian fashion, Jim bought himself- and Spock- a few minutes when he questioned Kodos about Lenore.

Spock heard Kodos announce Lenore's true identity with theatrical flair and observed Jim's distress. Spock found himself almost clenching his teeth while he fought the illogical urge to rush over and comfort Jim.

Spock's blood warmed at his inspired anger, but without McCoy's medical expertise and flurry of hypos, their situation remained dire.

Jim suffered enough injuries to prevent him from walking out on his own. Kevin hardly looked better with his broken body. Lenore fainted, off the chair and directly into the arms of Memphis. Memphis' hold on Lenore tightened as he stared at her, ignoring Kodos' orders to set her down.

Spock could not carry both Jim and Kevin. Now that Memphis was no longer a prisoner, Spock was disturbed that Memphis held Lenore. He could not be trusted to bring Lenore to the other ship. Then again, Spock had not expected Memphis' vocal reaction towards Kodos, either. Where would Memphis take the girl? What did he want with her?

Uhura and Sulu's thirty minutes had ended. Lenore's fainting distracted Kodos. Memphis was otherwise occupied with the girl in his arms.

His captain was in agony, the kind that would rip the heart of a human to shreds. Kodos multiplied Jim's guilt a thousand times over by revealing Lenore's true identity.

_I will uphold my vow._

It fueled his actions now.

Memphis, distracted with Lenore, had become an unknown variable. Even so, Spock calculated the likelihood the time was appropriate to interceded at 82%. Jim needed medical attention immediately.

Emerging from his hiding place, Spock stepped into the flickering light surrounding Kodos, Memphis, and their prisoners. Spock aimed his phaser at Kodos.

* * *

Lenore was resting in Memphis' arms?

_What?_

She must've passed out. And Memphis, came to her rescue? Memphis looked tentative, not as harsh.

Jim regarded the pair with his hazy vision. He thought Memphis had grown to care for Lenore. It made sense now why he did. And Memphis looked just as shocked at the truth.

Jim heard a familiar voice as a blur of blue approached, but he could not focus on anything other than the red-head's face. She was young enough. She looked peaceful. How could that be so? Peaceful? A life with that monster?

As she lay passed out, her quietness mimicked what Jim remembered from that other life.

It had to be her. Lenore. The tiny whimpering she had made in the town square on Tarsus had saved her life and alerted Jim. She was the girl rescued, under all those bodies, as he and Tom were running for their lives. Lenore had been crying but was unhurt. Her wildly curly hair...red...an acute expression of abandonment upon her face.

_I brought her back with me. Kept her safe. I rescued her._

_What went wrong?_

What was her life with Kodos like? Had he tucked her in at night, as a doting father? Given her beloved toys? Hugged her? Showcased her as his own? Allowed her to call him Father, all while sequestering away the awful truth? Had he played with her mind even beyond the heinous act of brainwashing her?

_Oh, God, what damage had been done to her, that she did not even remember?_

Jim retched, again and again.

_She'd been used like a puppet by him._

His failure.

It had climaxed to a point he could not handle. It was too much.

"Captain!"

Jim felt like he'd never be well again. He shouldn't be well ever again. It was his fault. Memphis had been ill, sick, upset. A damn kid. Memphis wasn't to blame. Kodos was to blame, also. Not just Jim.

He spewed out in front of him again, even as someone encircled his waist with an arm.

_Spock._

Spock was there in the commotion surrounding Jim.

_I knew you'd come. They'll be safe now._

"'evin," he mumbled. Get Kevin out of here. "'nore."

"Jim," said Spock. "I am releasing your hands. You will have to bring them down slowly."

"No...'em...first." Jim would not forgive himself if those two would not get out of here alive.

"Captain, Kevin is capable of walking on his own."

"And Kevin refuses to leave without you," Kevin's voice rang out.

Jim tossed his lips up, hoping wherever Kevin was, the young man could see Jim's reaction. "Stubborn..."

"Not as much as you, but I try." Kevin replied with a small laugh. "We are leaving together, Captain Kirk."

"'gether," Jim reiterated. He liked the sound of that, but something nagged in his mind. A warning.

"Jim, your hands..."

Jim faltered in Spock's instructions when his arms flailed about. He had no control but the first officer picked him up effortlessly before Jim pressed any weight upon his feet.

"Knewyalovme," Jim slurred as his head lulled back over Spock's arm. He smiled when Spock's eyebrow lifted up. It comforted Jim. They were going home. "Be...careful..."

"Captain?"

"They're...'fter..." What really did they want? Jim was going to say the coordinates, but the more he thought about it, nothing made sense. Anyone in their right mind would know the coordinates Jim saw more than a decade ago on Riley's PADD were null. Void.

But Kodos was not in his right mind.

Jim's breathing became difficult as he tried to think of who else needed something from him. Again, it nagged, and he remembered something he experienced earlier- looking at the PADD in engineering and then in the shuttlecraft. Before he could process anything quickly enough to warn Spock, all became dark.

* * *

Jim was no burden in Spock's arms. However, the captains' burdens invariably felt like his own as he tucked the captain closer to his chest inside his unzipped coat much like that puppy he and Uhura found alone that stormy night on leave. Only, it was not water sliding off fur and soaking his shirt but Jim's blood spilling from naked skin. To Spock's great relief, the captain lost consciousness as he mumbled a half-sentence.

Spock would lead them out of the Green Gate, Jim Kirk in his arms, Kevin limping beside him, and Memphis dazed, holding Lenore.

Spock would do that, but it never happened.

It had been too simple. Spock knew it as Kodos maintained that feline smile and had not resisted at all when Spock cuffed him. Was it lack of concern or pure madness? Either way, Spock watched the door with bated breath as their party of six made headway.

They did not have to relish the suspense for very long. When the group was five seconds from escaping the basement, three men materialized behind them. Spock barely had time to question from whence they came. Instead, he registered their phasers were aimed at Kevin and himself. One man, dressed in a uniform that varied from those of his companions, latched his focus on Kodos immediately.

Spock would not forget the look of pure fear on Kodos's face as unparalleled fury spewed forth from the newcomer's lips. The torturer...fearful. Grimly, he wished Jim was awake to see such an ironic revelation.

"Goddammit, are you that stupid? You almost killed Kirk. Son of a bitch. You didn't even get the information, did you, before he passed out and you got caught yourself?"

"He..no. This was part of your plan...I just..." Kodos stammered, paling by the second.

_Who is this man, belittling the Executioner with mere words?_

"You're a fool, Kodos," the other man spoke sharply. "Who has kept you alive all this time?"

"Agent Sloan...as you... can see... Kirk is ready..."

"Ready my ass. You wasted the time we had left and endangered the life of the man we need alive, all for your petty purposes. Too late for apologies. I kept you alive longer than I wanted to," raged Sloan. "Give my regards to my brother."

"No! I..."

The agent fired his phaser. Kodos gasped his last breath and slumped to the floor, dead.

Sloan solemnly turned to Spock. "I've been wanting to do that for years but it just never felt right to do so, yet."

_Wanting? For years?_

Sloan gave a short laugh and ran a hand through his graying hair. Then he sighed. "Anyways, whew. Glad that's over. The timing was a bit off though, wasn't it? Sorry about that."

The agent directed his phaser then at Spock. It seemed to Spock they had escaped the hands of one lunatic to only be delivered into those of another.


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek.

Author's Note: Well, we're not done with angst. Dear Brilliant Beta Reader DLB48, I suppose I am taking my sleepless nights/misery out on poor Jim.

BTW, after this chapter comes one of my favorites. And I can't give any hints because I need to keep the suspense. :) Please stay tuned- only a couple more chapters. THANK YOU again for your reviews. Reviews for writers and sincere encouragement do wonders for inspiration. :)

My plan for future stories is now up on my profile. I can't tell you how excited I am to begin the next one!

* * *

Chapter 20

Spock steadied his breath and eye movement as he nestled his hand between his chest and Jim's body. Spock fingered his comm carefully, opening it with the hand hidden from Agent Sloan. His calculating fingers switched his comm to manual and signaled Sulu and Uhura. He muted incoming communication but allowed Uhura and Sulu to hear.

"It is quite the honor to meet you, Commander," said Agent Sloan. "I met your older counterpart here on Revlair and found him to be an incredibly intelligent and worthy opponent. I can only assume you will match that, even in your younger age. Let's get on with this, then, shall we?"

Sloan jerked his head towards one of his men. "If you want your captain returned to you in one piece, I suggest you give Kirk to my security officer."

"I will not willingly hand over the captain to you."

"No, I don't suppose you will. That is why I will force your hand, Commander." Sloan said, impatience threaded through his tone. "Those children here, they won't survive. If you don't hand Kirk over to me directly, I will stun you, take Kirk anyway, and blow this facility up. The perimeter is surrounded with my men. However, I will call them off once you have handed the captain to me, as I already requested. Time is wasting. Don't make the same mistake he did." Sloan looked at the dead ex-governor.

Spock stalled as he questioned the agent's motives. Jim was stirring after his brief time passed out. Spock could not wait for Uhura and Sulu, but he wanted them to have as much information as possible before Agent Sloan struck next. The captain's time was running out.

"You are the agent Captain Kirk and Ambassador Spock worked directly with to ensure assistance for half-Vulcan, half-human children. Am I to assume that your involvement with these children here was your coverup and Kodos was your pawn to get to Captain Kirk?" Spock asked.

"You can assume anything you want to, Commander, as long as you give me Kirk."

"Are we to remain your prisoners, Mr. Sloan?"

"If you can get yourselves to the Enterprise, you'll be well on your way back to your five year mission. Kodos' ships, which are mine, anyways, the scheming SOB, would not fire due to scrambled sensors. My ships are still a threat." Sloan smirked. "And as you know, you cannot beam aboard your own ship unless it comes out of hiding. I have the coordinates of the Enterprise. My crew is instructed to engage her if you do not listen."

"You will return Captain Kirk."

"Commander, you can retrieve your captain if you and you alone get to my ship outside fast enough. If you can get the children and yourselves out of the Green Gate before it blows. Feel free to do what you wish with Kodos' body. You have fifteen minutes...and if not, I'm sure your captain will not appreciate what I have planned for him." Sloan paused and lifted his comm to speak to one of his crew. "Do it."

Spock looked down at the captain, who blinked his eyes open. Jim's eyes still lacked their dynamic blue but not their usual fire.

"Commander," Sloan warned.

"Spock?" The captain rasped as he tried to turn his face out from Spock's coat.

The security officer hefted Kirk from Spock's arms with no care. Jim moaned weakly while he was half dragged over to Sloan.

"Spock...go," Jim mumbled when the officer stopped.

"Place him on the ground." Sloan said. The security officer obeyed and Sloan fired his phaser at Jim to stun him. Spock's angered flared as Sloan fired again to put Jim out. The drug maintained a stubbornness in Jim's system- one stun had not been enough. "There. Full cooperation from your captain. Spock, you better get a move on."

With those words, Sloan, his officers, and Jim were beamed from the basement.

* * *

Wordlessly, Memphis looked at Spock before he darted out of the basement door holding Lenore. Spock assisted Kevin and within three minutes they were walking in the science wing of the Green Gate.

_We are at the front entrance, Mr. Spock_. It was one of the Vulcan children informing Spock of their location.

Because of Kevin's difficulty standing upright, Spock carried Kevin in his arms as he had done for Jim. Spock calculated the time he had left to reach Jim once they reached the entrance. The children stood in Memphis' way. _Only eight point 4 minutes_. If the ship was any distance away, the cold would evoke another dangerous situation for Spock. He would be slowed down, the pain possibly becoming too much to bear.

"Lt. Sulu to Commander Spock. We're here." The lieutenant's voice prompted a few cheers from the children.

Kevin half-smiled. "If only we could be that optimistic."

"Indeed, Mr. Riley." Spock opened the door first after setting Riley down on his feet. "Mr. Vager, any attempt to escape will be futile."

"Lenore," Memphis said. "I...can't leave her."

"Very well. Understand that you are still our prisoner."

Memphis turned his downcast face away from Spock's view. "I would rather be your prisoner now than continue to be used by Sloan," he whispered so softly that Spock knew his words were not to be heard by human ears.

Memphis could not be altogether trustworthy but Spock had no choice. He allowed the man to remain behind the other children as he looked for Sloan's men outside. Seeing all was clear, Spock ushered the children and others out of the facility.

_Seven and a half minutes._

The ship was impressive, larger than the shuttlecraft and obviously equipped with more weaponry. Uhura stepped out to aid the smallest children on the steps.

The girl, Ayhan, was enamored with Nyota and let a few others pass by her while she stared at the lieutenant. Finally, with a soft smile, Uhura picked Ayhan up and promptly placed her in the craft.

Spock got to the entrance as Uhura rushed back out to him.

"We can't find the other ship, Spock. Our sensors went haywire. Our comms only worked for your signal and then we lost you." Uhura gave him a look of distress.

"We will find the ship after we take off." Spock noted the remaining time.

_Six point three minutes_.

The ship was cramped and Spock found himself staring in fourteen curious pairs of Vulcan-human eyes.

Not one spoke but regarded Sulu, Uhura, and himself with that curiosity Spock never saw from a Vulcan child before.

_Fascinating_.

Memphis laid Lenore down on a small bench, and a girl sat so Lenore's head could rest on her lap. Memphis stood up and turned to Spock, hands out.

"Mr. Sulu, get us off the ground. We have five point seven minutes to find that ship." Spock ordered, while he cuffed Memphis. The children made room for Memphis. The young man sat down cautiously, looking wounded as he glanced down at Lenore, but he made no effort to touch her again.

"We're on our way, Commander," said Sulu. "On our way here, we observed plenty of mountains and cliffs, interspersed with spacious plateaus. I am betting the ship is on one of those on the other side of the facility."

"Lieutenant Sulu, proceed then. Lieutenant Uhura, did you speak with the Enterprise?" asked Spock.

"Commander, briefly before the signal was jammed. Dr. Marcus recognized Agent Sloan's name but I could not hear her reply," said Sulu.

"Her voice held shock, Commander. I believe she knows this agent," added Uhura.

"Then, our Acting Captain may hold valuable information. Attempt to patch us through the Enterprise, again, Uhura," said Spock.

"Yes, Commander." Uhura busied herself in her station but had no success. "Sir, we are unable to use the ship's communication. It's jammed. Perhaps using the comm on planet."

Spock nodded to Uhura, his eyes taking in the vastness of several cliffs the ship passed over. The ship projected a shadow over the snow and ice. Spock thought of Jim's shirtless and shoeless body and if he was unable to reach him in time- the temperature would be more than dangerous. It would be deadly.

Spock's throat closed as he struggled with a breath.

"Spock," Uhura said softly. "We'll find him."

"Nyota," Spock inhaled and exhaled, carefully balancing his emotions. "I am concerned not if we find him but if we find him too late."

"I got a weak signal." Uhura's hand rested on his shoulder. "Something from Sloan's ships is jamming whatever we got."

"My comm worked best on land. I will use-" Spock stopped abruptly. "Sulu, I see a dark shadow directly ahead. It must be their ship. Maneuver us as close as possible. That is our destination.

Sulu's skills were commendable as he placed the shuttlecraft on its own tiny cliff and plateau close to the other ship. Spock stepped into the frigid air once again. He took in the vertical distance to Sloan's ship and noted it held the steepest incline that Spock had ever attempted to climb.

Two forms remained in front of Sloan's ship- one fully clothed with a coat, the other not so fortunate. As Spock reached the halfway point of the incline, his eyes confirmed his logical assumption- it was Sloan and Jim. And Jim, his eyes were half-open and his attempt to push away Sloan sluggish. Spock's momentum slowed with the cold's effects but Spock forced his legs in time with his thoughts.

_Get to Jim. Get to Jim._

Sloan's features came clearer. It was a manic grin perfected on Sloan's face as he pulled what looked to be a blood sample from Jim's arm. He waved it in the air and mouthed 'thank you' to Spock. Jim's eyes rolled back in his head, his body having taken all it could.

Spock was now a mere fifty eight feet away compared to the three hundred and twenty he began with. He was gaining but Sloan dropped Jim to the hard, cold ground. Spock gained ground, five feet, ten feet, fifteen feet, but time ran out.

_Five. Four. Three_...

Sloan grinned wickedly as he pressed a foot on Jim's side.

_Two. One_.

Helpless to aid Jim again, Spock watched the rogue agent kicked Jim's torso over the top of the hill. Now pitted against nature, Jim's body scraped against the ice as he remained unconscious and slid, almost spiral like, down Revlair's formidable incline of ice. Gravity allowed Jim's body to maintain effortless speed as he raced towards a looming end.

An eventual cliff's edge.


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek.

Author's Note: I'm going to be nice to ya'll this chapter. No cliffies. ;). Please pardon any medical discrepancies. Please pardon any Jim/Carol interaction in this chapter. Ha! I know I know... It's about time.

* * *

Chapter 21

Sloan disappeared into his ship as Spock forced his heavy and burning legs to take the last few steps to the peak of the hill. The agent's ship sprang to life, leaving the current crisis behind and another to untangle in the future. The fact the agent had taken a sample of Jim's blood signaled Spock that Jim's life had been toyed with, tampered with over and over again for the sake of science.

The crisis at hand would be a challenge. First to find Jim. Unlike the smoother surface of the ice Spock had finished climbing, this side was rough with sharp ice cracks and protrusions, places with obstruction of vision and more shadows. After 20.3 seconds, Spock located him. The captain was no longer speeding down the icy terrain. An elevated chunk of snow or ice had stopped him. Blood trailed a few feet from Jim's body but that was all Spock could see. It could be from his already sustained injuries or new ones, from the looks of the difficult terrain.

Whether or not the captain was alive after his journey down the ice was to be determined, but Spock did not care to contemplate that matter with the full force of his logic.

There was only one way to go down and reach Jim quickly and it would be almost as dangerous for Spock. The coat Spock wore would increase the friction, cause a lag in the velocity, and get caught among any cracked pieces of ice. He shrugged it off and tossed it aside as he ran from the plateau to gain momentum. He dwelled not on the cold but that Jim's survival depended upon Spock reaching Jim- before his body was propelled again towards the edge.

However, getting Jim to the Enterprise was his best chance to survive his injuries. Spock opened his comm and gripped it tightly

"Spock to Enterprise. Captain Kirk's condition is critical. Are transporters operational? Request immediate transport to ship. Alert medical."

"Commander...no longer...fields...we...attacked..." The static prevented further communication but Spock kept the comm close as he went down on the ice.

Sliding head first, Spock gained speed after 4.3 seconds. His body felt numerous twinges of pain along his chest when he crossed over a mound of packed snow. His face barely touched the ice- but the ice felt like a million microscopic blades. Spock used all the strength he had to avoid pressing his facial skin on the ground. He surmised the blood trail was not from previously sustained wounds after all, but a result of Jim's trip down the incline.

He was certain he would be able to reach the captain, until the captain's body moved slightly, breaking its stillness, and began the cycle towards a sharp drop-off.

_No no no._

Spock's new and illogical connection to Jim gave him an emotion he could not ignore. His hopes were crashing as he envisioned Jim falling over the edge into a fathomless space within the very core of Revlair.

_I will not let you die._

It was a thought Spock had which haunted him briefly. The familiarity cut him to the quick. It was what Jim said to him, he thought angrily to himself. _What a fool I have been_. And now, before Spock could deepen the friendship he actually desired with Jim, the captain was to be taken from his life...again.

Spock's body was forced sideways after ten seconds but he turned his head to see Jim drift closer than ever to the edge. Hope surged in Spock as Jim's body slowed.

Spock reached out a hand as he began to stop his own body from sliding down further. Feet and hands digging into the snow and ice, Spock ignored what his body was telling him. In order to grab Jim's hand he let go of his comm. In the process of trying to pull Jim to safety, the comm bounced off the cliff.

Jim's body teetered over the edge, his weight pulling Spock directly over as well.

Jim dangled from Spock's hand while Spock desperately held onto some piece of Revlair's terrain with his other hand. His fingers tore into the snow and numbness began to course through his fingers, to his wrist.

_Enterprise, beam us up_. If only he had his comm.

He was cold and Jim's body was blue. Blue and red, Spock thought, and so blue and red Spock did not recognize his own captain. Spock turned his gaze towards the sky. Not only was Jim unrecognizable, but dangling in the air some thousand feet above any ground. Spock shivered uncontrollably but not before he realized Jim's shivering had begun before his own. He looked down at Jim again then realized it was 100% illogical to do so.

Spock blanked out for a split second as vertigo hit him, and a single finger of Spock's slipped from Jim's hand. He groaned. He could not do this much longer. Revlair's climate was damaging his body.

Another finger slipped from his grip.

He was going to lose his captain.

"Noooo." His yell echoed.

He would not lose his captain.

Apparently, Sulu was in the same frame of mind.

The shuttlecraft hovered with Sulu's expert precision. It remained directly below where the captain hung from Spock's feeble grasp. Within seconds, a hatch opened and Uhura climbed out, two blankets in hand. Her eyes set on the two men fighting for their lives. She walked carefully over to them, speaking into her comm. The ship rose to enable her to reach Jim.

"Let go, Spock. I got him."

With a physical prowess Spock had not seen from her before, Uhura took Jim from Spock's lax fingers. She knelt, and with great care laid Jim's head and shoulders her lap. The captain's body had ceased its shivering as it lay on the ship's exterior, a sign of more severe hypothermia. Uhura's expression was horrific as she took in Jim's injuries. Her hands went to his face, where Spock know saw the journey down the hill had damaged part of Jim's skin. She gently surveyed Jim's arms and hands in dismay then she set them on his lap. Uhura tightly wrapped the blanket around Jim's torso and adjusted her arms to enfold him into a closer and warmer embrace.

Spock's body immobilized as his exertion in the frigid climate came to an end. He watched as Memphis climbed out of the hatch, now free from the cuffs. Spock blinked when he came nearer to Uhura, his presence still an unknown in Spock's logical mind, and gathered Jim in his own arms. Memphis went through the hatch, taking Jim back into the ship. Uhura walked steadily to Spock.

"Memphis is coming back. I can't get you in the ship myself, Spock, okay?" Uhura reassured him, and she placed a blanket on his body, as far as she could reach. Her gaze was worried. Spock did not want her to worry about him, but about their captain.

Spock wanted to say so much to Nyota. Mainly, that Jim was alive. That Jim had been tortured more with emotional pain than anything else. That Jim was safe now and Kodos finally dead.

He tried to speak. "Sloan...took...Jim's...blood.." The words came out as a mix of syllables instead and Nyota brushed her fingers along his forehead. Spock attempted again. "Tell...McCoy."

"Shhh," she said, a tear falling down her cheek. "Get yourself in that trance, okay? We'll take care of Jim. We'll take care of you, now. You saved him, Spock. You saved Jim."

* * *

They were trying to take him. Jim strained against the hands, hearing their sirens and yells. He yelled back the worst thing he could think of, as they laid into him again. The struggle against the people keeping him hostage did nothing.

They pulled his hands down, and something like soft cuffs kept them from doing what he wanted to do- punching every damn person who was touching him.

Except for Bones. For a minute, Jim thought Bones was there with him, giving him hypos in his neck, but Jim was certain Bones had not gone with him to Revlair.

Kodos had just wanted Jim.

Kodos had chained him.

That must be where he was still, although he was so cold, dammit.

He needed to get to his quarters. To his bed. He liked his bed. Jim sighed and tried to move his legs but something was wrong with them, like they were being held down too, like his arms. He winced when more hands touched him right where it hurt- his feet.

"Jim, stop fighting me!" That was Bones. And he was mad.

"Doctor, his temperature has raised to 33.9 degrees Celsius."

"Keep working on it. I can't operate or repair the broken bones in his feet until his hypothermia is treated."

The hypo struck again and Jim growled. He wanted out of here.

"We have to sedate him, but I need information from Jim about Sloan first." Bones was yelling, not at him again, thank goodness. "Jim, calm down, buddy."

Bones said the word 'calm' and it switched Jim's frenzied mind.

He wasn't with Kodos. He really was with Bones. And he felt...odd. Floaty.

"Open your eyes, kid," Bones pleaded. "I need you with me."

He shook his head, or at least tried. It felt like a block of ice. He did not want to listen. Floating...felt nice.

"Get Dr. Marcus in here. I don't care if she's on the bridge, I need some sense knocked into him to find out what happened."

_Oh no._

Bones was going to bring her in here? When Jim felt floaty?

That was so not cool.

"No Carol. No."

"Jim, I'll bring her in here unless you calm down and let me talk to ya." Bones touched Jim's arm.

Jim's reaction was to jerk his arm away. No touching. He'd been touched enough. He felt that whip again, just the whisper of it was enough. Those chains which curled painfully along his wrists. He hadn't been able to get away from their touch.

And then, Sloan, taking him outside. He vaguely remembered that, after the stun hardly put him down after all. He opened his eyes, thinking he was still on Revlair as the white light of sickbay surrounded him. He glared at Bones.

"'ontouch me."

"I'm not Kodos, Jim."

Maybe not, but Jim was so tired, Bones could talk his ear off and ask him whatever.

Anyways, Jim was going to sleep.

"Jim, stay with me." Bones gently slapped his face. Jim frowned.

"Dyhmwnt." What do you want... Jim's inflection to make it a question was missing. His mouth wouldn't cooperate. The letters he tried to say came out incredibly opposite of what he thought he said.

"Just listen, okay?" Bones smoothed Jim's hair, and Jim closed his eyes again. "Hey, kiddo, don't fall asleep."

Bones struck him with a hypo. "I need you awake and coherent for a few minutes. I know you're in pain and I have a ton of work to do on you. Spock is not able to tell us anything. His health depends upon his meditation right now. You are running out of time yourself. The drug is increasing again in your system, which explains the fight you're giving me. And your eyes, Jim. Still partly black. I need a few minutes, Jim, of cooperation. Can you handle that? You're like a monkey drunk on bananas."

Jim felt yet another hypo in his neck after Bones' long-windedness. He yelped and thought of the most unpleasant things to do to Bones when he was well. First up, banning metaphors for the duration of the five-year mission. Secondly, making him sit with Spock every day for dinner for an entire week. Just the two of them. Maybe he'd glue them to their seats. Thirdly, he would-

"To give you coherency of thought, buddy."

Bones interrupted his scheming and Jim glared at him.

"Stop it." He hated being forced to do anything, and staying awake when he was obviously so fatigued was the worst.

"Dr. Marcus will be here any minute. Stay awake, Jim, I'm warning you." Bones waved another hypo in front of Jim.

"Ask Memphis," Jim mumbled and stubbornly closed his eyes. He'd fake sleep just to get Bones mad.

"I don't trust him, even if Uhura said he helped save both you and Spock."

"Dr. McCoy, how can I be of assistance?"

Jim was at a lost of what to do. He looked awful. It didn't take a non-drugged, non-tortured genius to figure that out. His life was- messy. Because of his injuries, he could not help himself, he couldn't move, and was only able to stay awake and talk because of Bones the Magician. And now, the most beautiful woman was in the same room.

He went for it and opened his eyes. Immediately, Carol's own gaze connected with his.

"Make this maniac listen to me for a few minutes." Bones said, a bit too loudly. The nurses in sickbay snickered. Jim rolled his eyes. "One minute he thinks I'm his enemy, the next, well...whatever."

"As you wish," Carol said simply. She brought a chair over to Jim's bedside.

"Jim, tell me what Sloan did to you, on Revlair." Bones spoke each word with care, slowly and nicely. How ever Bones could speak those words in such a nice manner, Jim had no clue. But he listened.

And now, Jim had to cooperate. That meant...he had to think of what just happened to him this very day.

_Oh, God._

His heart raced and he couldn't focus on Bone's solemn face or Carol's hand on his arm.

He couldn't do this. Whatever Sloan gave him or took from him, he couldn't explain to Bones. It would be best if he let panic win. He had been in a stupor anyways. Hell, he still was.

"Before I administer the antidote, I need to know. Jim, calm down," Bones leaned over him, and pressed another hypo into his neck.

Jim turned away and shook his head.

_Leave me alone._

"Jim, what did Sloan give you? I know it was something because your blood sample shows evidence that the drug taking to an all new height in your mind. We'll lose you if you don't tell me now."

"No." He didn't want to think of any of it. If this would make him forget, he would. "Wanna forget."

Carol's hand drifted on his cheek when he mumbled his protests. "You can't forget, Jim. It's what makes you the dynamic human being you are. Please, tell us what he gave you. I want to pursue this relationship with you, but I can't...not unless you fight this."

Jim gazed up at her. "I'm scared." The flashes of what Kodos had said began to filter through his mind again. Carol's plea was bringing him back through the monster's chaos, but if she was there with him, maybe he could do it. Maybe he could fight it.

"I know, Jim," Carol whispered as she leaned in. She kissed his cheek and stroked his hair. "I'm here, Bones is here. You can do this. And, hey, we bluffed our way out of an attack of Kodos' ships."

"Not only that, but your girlfriend knows people in high- or rather, low- places. Arms dealer that wants Sloan dead or alive? Dr. Marcus, that was one ingenious move, bargaining with one devil to get rid of the other." Bones explained. "Sloan hightailed it out of here, his other ships, too, because Dr. Marcus got a hold of that mad-ass arms dealer."

"Knew you'd figure that out," Jim smirked. "And knew you'd know... because you followed your father's...and your uncle's...weaponry intel."

"You know who Sloan really is?" Carol gasped. Jim tried to fight a grimace as pain seared through his chest. Whatever Bones had given him wasn't lasting.

"I've always known... he was... your uncle." It hurt to breathe, but Jim wanted to explain. "But I've... never cared."

"Thank you, Jim," Carol said softly and she kissed him again.

It wasn't a brotherly, chaste kiss on the cheek this time. And damn, he couldn't even wrap his arms around her, strapped down as they were.

Anyways, she took her time. So Jim took his time, even though it did nothing to help his breathing. To hell with hypothermia and broken bones.

Jim never wanted her to move away from this kiss but Bones had to rudely interrupt.

"Oh, for the love of..." Bones grumbled.

Carol broke the kiss, her blush wanting him to kiss her even more. He noted her breathlessness and a satisfaction warmed his stomach. She liked that as much as he had.

Jim took several ragged breaths.

But why did Bones have be in the middle of every private moment he had with Carol?

Oh, right. It's because of Jim's unique inability to stay far away from sickbay. Jim wanted a vacation...one that did not involve visiting Bones.

"Jim, tell me what happened." Bones wasn't as nice this time. That meant- hurry.

"He gave... me some type of... truth serum. He took two... vials of my... blood." Jim gasped, and tried to get air. Air...where was it? His chest didn't feel right. Carol's hand touched his shoulder and he saw her fear.

He was blacking out. He wanted to tell Bones about Lenore. "Lenore...rescued her..."

An oxygen masked was fitted to his face. Dammit, Bones.

"Yes, she's safe."

Jim violently shook his head.

"I'm not taking that off of you, Jimmy."

Jim rolled his eyes, happy to be breathing. He strained his arms, as much as they pained him.

"Can he write it down?" Carol noted his desperation to explain something else, Jim thought with relief. Bones sighed.

"I guess so. He'll need help."

A nurse unstrapped his right arm and between Carol and the nurse, they held up his arm and put a PADD where his fingers could attempt to write.

Jim's exhaustion had caused his eyes to close but he wrote the message the best he could.

**Lenore on Tarsus. I rescued her. She forgot. Kodos made her to be his daughter.**

"Oh, Jim." Carol grasped his hand as it lay dormant on the PADD.

Bones did not say a word, but gripped Jim's shoulder and bowed his head. Bones was a brother to him as no one else was. The compassion from both Carol and Bone threatened to unleash the tears Jim had forced in hiding. If Spock were here, Jim was certain he'd have no tears. But this concern of Carol, it was his undoing.

He did not want Carol to see him break down so he limited his tears to four escaped droplets. What happened to Lenore tore at his soul but he was Jim Kirk, who did not do this. He would not cry. Carol's fingers wiped at his tears. Jim put his focus on the medical expertise of Bones.

The activity surrounding his biobed began again, and Jim could not stay awake any longer. Bones said something to him, about putting Jim out for awhile and that he will be safe. That Lenore will be taken care of.

Bones would take care of Lenore now. Jim would not have to see her. Right? He put her out of his mind, now that the girl would be in the right hands.

Thinking this way, escaping his past, Jim knew it was selfish. To the very core, it was selfish, but he did not want to feel the agony.

Bones was good at fixing him. Jim was good at pushing what Bones couldn't fix to that blind spot and moving on.

Jim would do no differently this time.


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek.

Author's Note: We're here. Almost done. One more chapter after this. This chapter has a language warning.

Thank you for following and reviewing! Any loose ends that I don't tie up could very well appear in another story I have planned. DLB48- thank you for beta reading. I could say that a million times and it wouldn't be enough!

* * *

Chapter 22

Jim awoke sometime later to a melodic voice that described a princess.

It was Carol. Her voice made princesses sound intriguing so he lay there, eyes closed and tired.

As she spoke, Jim conducted a quick mental survey of his body- it was disappointing. His face felt bandaged, his chest had to have been pricked with needle after needle, his wrists were sore, and his feet immovable. He felt ragged, but again, Carol's English accent distracted him. He wanted to listen to what she was saying, even if it was a fairy tale little girls loved.

Besides, he couldn't recall ever having a fairy tale read to him.

He sneaked a peak by sliding one eye half-open towards the direction of her voice. Carol sat, a real book in hand, with Ayhan on one side of her lap and Delvia, Devlok's sister, on the other side.

"Over the years, the promises of the fairies came true - one by one. The Princess grew to be beautiful, modest, kind and clever. Everyone who saw her could not help but love her."

"Like you," Devlia smiled and Ayhan bobbed her head up and down.

Jim closed his eyes, repeating the words in his mind. They were true of Carol, describing her perfectly. _Beautiful, modest, kind, and clever. Everyone who saw her could not help but love her._

"Oh, you girls," Carol chuckled. Jim wanted to see her smile so he opened his one eye again.

"More, more," cried Ayhan, her little feet bobbed up and down as she was too short to reach the floor. Carol squeezed her, and something in Jim's chest tightened.

"Shhh," whispered Devlia. "Captain Kirk needs quiet."

"I sowry," mumbled Ayhan.

"It's okay, dear. His doctor says he should sleep another day. He needs his rest," Carol said.

"Because of the bad men?" Devlia asked.

"Yes, but he's going to get better."

"He's sad," said Ayhan, quietly. "I sad if Mr. Jim sad."

"Oh, sweetie," Carol said.

Jim forgot how intuitive Ayhan was.

She probably knew he was awake. Sneaky kid.

"Let's keep reading. We're more than halfway done, alright?" Carol asked. "The King and Queen were determined to prevent the curse placed on the Princess by the spiteful fairy and commanded that all the spindles in the whole kingdom be destroyed. No one in the kingdom was allowed to tell the Princess of the curse that had been placed upon her for they did not want her to be sad."

"Like Lenore," said Devlia. "She didn't know of a curse put on her."

The room went silent. Jim felt hot. Too hot.

"And now she does," the girl added.

Jim swore silently. He didn't want to think of what happened to Lenore. Ever. Again.

"More storwy," said Ayhan.

"Round the castle a hedge of brier roses began to grow up. Every year it grew higher until at last nothing could be seen of the sleeping castle."

Carol paused. Jim looked at her, sensing her discomfort. Carol swallowed and rubbed her eye. For some reason, Jim knew that particular passage made her think of him.

She knew he had a hedge. Bones was privy to that as well. And now Spock.

Jim's past was unraveling faster and faster.

"The Prince went on further. All was so still that he could hear his own breathing. At last he reached the tower and opened the door into the little room where the Princess was asleep. There she lay, looking so beautiful that he could not take his eyes off her. He bent down and gave her a kiss. As he touched her, Sleeping Beauty opened her eyes and smiled up at him."

Carol turned her head Jim's way and lifted an eyebrow at him. Busted. He gave her a small smile. She winked and placed the girls off her lap.

"It appears our own Sleeping Beauty has awakened," Carol laughed. "You need to go back to your quarters while the doctor checks on Mr. Jim, okay?"

"Bye, Miss Carol," Devlia said. Ayhan did not exit the room but walked up to Jim's side before Carol could stop the little girl.

She didn't say anything, just put a little finger in her mouth and stared. It unnerved him a bit, but Jim knew she did that a lot. She contemplated. Besides Joanna McCoy, she was the cutest kid that he knew.

"Ayhan." Jim loved saying her name. It rolled off his tongue even now, even with his voice rough with disuse. He must have been out for several days. He tried to smile at her, but it fell flat. Ayhan's stare continued and Jim realized she knew how he felt about Lenore.

This is how he felt about Lenore- too terrified to feel anything about her.

His forehead tightened and he pressed his lips thinly. Jim's distress hurt. It just damn hurt. Something akin to tears threatened behind his eyes. Crap. This little kid was going to undo him. Ayhan was silently telling him to care for Lenore.

_She'll be fine, Ayhan, without me._

"Ayhan, it's time to go," called Carol softly. She took the girl by the hand. "Jim, I will tell Dr. McCoy you're awake. Do you need anything before I go?"

"Water," Jim blurted out. Jim wanted her to stay. If Bones came in, more than likely Carol would have to leave. Who knew what the good doctor had up his sleeve for Jim next.

_Like talking._

Carol gave a slight smirk as if she knew what he was up to. She wasted no time to bring him a glass and a straw. Carol elevated his head a bit more.

Jim looked at the glass and straw and realized how foolish his request was. He sighed. His arm needed therapy to get moving. His chest was tender. He assumed Bones knitted his breaks, but the twinges hung on. Clearly, he was not well enough to hold the damn drink.

"Um, I guess..." He looked at her sheepishly.

Ayhan giggled. Carol sighed dramatically. "I suppose I can help you, Captain Kirk, just this once."

She lifted the cup. Her eyelashes fluttered a bit as she concentrated on getting the straw directly into his lips. Her fingers briefly touched his lips. His breath hitched. She jerked her gaze to his.

"Th...the...they...are blue...again," Carol stammered. "Oh, God, Jim, I was so worried."

The water refreshed him, but seeing Carol's relief struck him so much he forgot about his water and pushed the straw out of his mouth.

"Scotty rather liked the Gothic look."

Carol rolled her eyes and shoved the straw back into his mouth.

Jim sipped noisily, just to see the girls' reactions. Just to keep his mind off everything he should think about.

He liked being ornery. The look on Ayhan's face was priceless.

"Apparently, Captain Kirk missed a few lessons on manners," Carol said.

"What? Can't I drink my water?" Jim said innocently. Then he blew the air back into the cup, making bubbles.

Ayhan put her hand over her mouth. Jim grinned at her.

"That's enough of your shenanigans, captain," Carol said and pulled away the cup even as his head leaned forward to keep the straw in his mouth and the cup close. She tried to hide her grin but failed miserably. "You are a bad influence, Jim. She's going to tell everyone about your childish antics. How does McCoy put up with you?"

"He usually doesn't," said Jim, dryly. A wave of sleep was coming again and it felt good because that bit of fun had worn him out.

"Jim, are you in pain?" Carol's hand brushed his forehead. A nurse ventured in, looking shyly at them.

"Captain, the doctor wants me to adjust your pain meds. He will be here shortly." The nurse went to work, and Carol stepped back.

"Carol, what were you doing," Jim whispered, "in here? How are Kevin and Spock?"

"It's been four days since you returned to the Enterprise. Dr. McCoy treatment to rid the drug from your system was extensive. Spock was approved for duty and Kevin has been up and about for a day," Carol said, saying nothing about particular his omission of Lenore. "And, per Doctor McCoy's and Commander Spock's orders, I am off duty watching over you but helping with the Vulcan children until Ambassador Spock arrives. As far as being in here, Jim," she smiled. "it's not the first time I read to you while you were sleeping."

"Umhmm," Jim mumbled, steadily losing the battle against sleep as his eyes closed. He doubted if he could stay awake for Bones.

He settled deeper into his pillow when the nurse checked his IVs, now really wishing Bones would hurry up. Carol certainly had not given him the worst of any news. Jim was sure there was bound to be something else.

After the girls waved goodbye and left, Jim's thoughts lingered on Carol's last words. She'd been hesitant with her contact with him after Khan. He did recall Uhura telling him Carol had alternated with her reading aloud to Jim when he was in a coma. She came a couple times while he was in therapy. Even helping him into his wheelchair after an especially brutal session.

This gentle attention was...nice. It was also more legitimate concern he'd ever garnered from a woman his age.

But it scared the shit out of him. He noticed Carol's attention when he was slowed down. Or in a crisis. And still, she came, despite those tendencies.

What did that say about him?

He was a crazy, adrenaline-addicted, distrusting bastard who probably would break her heart eventually.

Especially now, when all Jim wanted to do was raise hell.

He didn't know what to process first. Or how to do it.

Kodos' death- he'd heard Sloan mention it. It infuriated Jim that Kodos had not met with appropriate justice. Then there was Sloan's misuse of his Section 31 power to get Jim's blood. Explaining that to Admiral Cartwright would be challenging. Kevin. Kevin held a spot in Jim's heart nobody understood, except maybe for Bones. Jim owed Spock a lot of explanation, as well. Jim's worthless feet and whatever else meant hours of physical therapy in his future- again. And then, what the hell happened to him while he was drugged? Whatever he remembered didn't make a lick of sense.

"I hear a certain lady noticed you got your eyes back."

"Mmhmm," Jim mumbled. "Go away, Bones. I'm tired."

"Yeah, you awoke too early, kid," Bones said. "But since you're up, tell me what's giving you the most pain."

"The thought of being flat on my back for the second time in less than two years." Jim felt like being honest, since Bones asked. "But, really, go away, Bones. I'm tired. I don't want to talk."

"Jim," Bones sighed. "I'm sorry. You're looking at more time in physical therapy."

Jim snorted. "Therapy. Overrated."

"Necessary."

"Actually, I lied. What pains me most is that Kodos was killed by another maniac and the other maniac got away."

"The other maniac got away because the Enterprise needed to be in one piece."

"Oh, and what also pains me is that my damn blood is being used to harvest who knows what," Jim spat out. "That's what Sloan wanted, you know. My drugged Khan blood."

Bones face grew dark even as someone coming into sickbay distracted him. Jim did not care who it was and he did not make any effort to look. He kept the storm coming, directed right at his friend. Jim needed to fight. If he didn't, Jim was certain he'd go back to being crazy.

"I knew it. What did you find in my fucking blood? You studied it again, I bet, before you cured me."

"Jim," Bone said, "don't start this now. You're not well enough."

"I'll start it whenever the fuck I want. What did you find Bones? Hmm?" Jim taunted his friend. "Something that was similarly found in Khan's blood? What did the drug do?"

"Jim, calm down." Bones demanded, tricorder in hand as he hovered over Jim's chest. Jim would have pushed him away had he the strength.

"I can't calm down," Jim hissed. "Nothing about anything makes sense to me right now, Bones. I cannot calm down. The safety of other people is in my hands...again, Bones. And I can't do a damn thing about it. Don't you dare fuck with me and tell me to calm down."

"You're right. Things are not okay." Bones warned. "But I'm telling you this, Jim. You still saved the Enterprise. You saved Kevin and the rest of the Tarsus 9. The Vulcan children are safe. You even saved Lenore."

"Don't you dare mention her name to me again."

Jim ignored Bones' confusion and kept on berating the doctor.

"How do you like having a friend who is constantly used as a science experiment? After Khan, I guess I should post a sign on the Enterprise that says 'get in line.'"

The instant Bones' face showed hurt, Jim's stomach rolled. He'd delivered personal injury to his best friend, in the worst way.

"Why are you doing this, Jim?" Bones blurted out. "I know you're upset and lashing out. But what the hell?"

Bones stopped what he was doing and crossed his arms.

"I'm a moron, that's why, Bones!" Jim lashed out to hide his anguish, just as Bones suspected.

"Stop it, Jim, just stop."

"No. I don't deserve to stop." Jim cracked down on his tears. They threatened and Bones would catch on to him. "Those maniacs got away."

"Like I said, only one of those maniacs escaped. He may be captured yet. The other maniac is no longer a threat. You've been drugged, beaten, tortured, and your body torn up by sliding on ice. I know you're hurting and feeling helpless, Jim." Bones calm manner irritated Jim even more. "It has to be terrifying. You're here now, getting well, Jim. You're being unreasonable."

"Unreasonable would be letting Carol actually continue a relationship with me."

"Don't you dare think like that." Bones uncrossed his arms. "Things may be rough for awhile, recovering from all this, but she's worth it. You know that."

"She deserves better."

"She deserves you, man"

"She deserves someone who can face his past, someone not broken," Jim choked out. "I can't..."

"You can't what?"

"I just...I can't be anyone of worth to her, Bones. I need to let her go."

"Jim, you're not in a state to make these decisions." Bones called a nurse. "Prep a sedative for Captain Kirk."

"I can and I will make them, doctor," Jim yelled at Bones. "If you dare sedate me now, I'll..."

"You'll what?" Bones scoffed. "Give me that look you're giving me now, Jimmy? I can take your crap. Carol can actually put up with a lot too, considering she's still here listening."

"She's not really here, is she?" The thought made him sick. She shouldn't have heard any of that.

"Oh, yes, Jimmy," Bones said. "But I'm not letting her get near you until you calm down, Jim."

"I hate you," Jim's anger was severe. He couldn't understand his anger, and it wouldn't go away. Jim had trusted Bones, and Bones had let Carol listen to the awful things Jim said. "You should've made her go."

"Jim, you're not yourself. I am sorry for the trauma you've experienced. Admiral Cartwright has been briefed according to regulation. His recommendation to the board will be to allow you to remain captain only if you agree to psychotherapy." Bones sighed. The guilty expression condemned Bones instantly.

"Son of a bitch." Jim whispered. "Is everyone against me? You'll get me out of it, won't you, Bones?"

Bones looked at the other person who came into sickbay. Jim was too tense to follow Bones' gaze. Instead, he willed his best friend to save him from that...that...shit. Psychotherapy?

Jim pleaded with all he had. "Bones?"

Bones shook his head. "You weren't completely out these past three days, Jim. Spock heard your fits and tirades, and so did I and the nurses. It was bad, Jim."

Carol's presence came clearer to Jim as Bones grabbed the hypo from the nurse.

"No," Jim said brokenly. "It's because I won't see Lenore, isn't it?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You can't make me see her." All was on fire again. His ears were ringing. It wouldn't stop. "Stop talking about her. Just, make it go away."

He couldn't breathe again. "Len..."

Bones pressed a hypo in his neck in lightning speed. "No more panic attack today, kid. This will help. It's not the sedative yet."

"No, I just..." Jim argued, even as the effects of the medicine filtered in his body.

"Jim, shhh. You don't have to see her just yet," Carol's hand stroked Jim's cheek to She bent and kissed his forehead.

"Buddy, it's okay." Bones laid a hand on Jim's shoulder as he stood on the opposite side as Carol. "We just want you well, and back in the chair."

"Bones, I can't do psychotherapy. You know that."

"Jim, you can do most anything. And I know you don't want to give up the Enterprise." Bones said. "And that's why you're going to agree."

"I failed her. I failed Lenore, Bones, and I can't begin to understand what happened to her and why." Jim confessed. "Don't you understand?"

"She wants to talk to you Jim, when you are well enough. She's a bright young woman, thankful to be alive. She's okay. And you will be too, even when you see her next." Carol's voice made Jim pause, and backtrack his thoughts.

"Her life...it was ruined because of me."

"Lenore's life was returned to her because you were smart and took all those precautions on Revlair." The fondness in Bones' voice tore at Jim. "I don't care if you are a moron, you're a smart moron."

"Sorry, Bones."

"Think nothing of it, kid," Bones muttered.

"Carol, you shouldn't like me so much. You shouldn't be here with me." Jim winced as Bones pushed the hypo into his neck

"I want to be here with you, Jim. And who said I liked you so much?"

The kiss on his cheek told him and he closed his eyes, the sedative beginning its work.

"Stay," he mumbled. "Close."

"If you're talking to me, Jimmy, I'm too big to be there next to ya," Bones said in a large drawl. Jim was too tired to comment on his friend's humor. "And, you just said you hated me. That's not exactly a lovin' moment."

As Jim drifted off, another body slipped in beside him on the biobed. An arm wrapped around his chest gently while something soft tickled his neck. It was comforting and Jim wanted that feeling to stay.

He could've sworn Bones muttered something about someone needing a room.

And then Jim smelled strawberries.


	23. Chapter 23

Author's Note: I really can't believe it. THIS IS NOW FINISHED. *THUD.* I am looking forward to writing more stories, but I will take a short little break, as fall is just the busiest time and I need to get reacquainted with my schedule. Not too long, because my fingers- and mind- are itching to share a few more stories. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for all the follows, favorites, and reviews. They keep a writer going...seriously. And DLB48...I can't say enough.

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Chapter 23

Lenore began a new habit- nibbling at her nails. She'd already heard the rumor.

"He's almost ready, Lenore." Lieutenant Uhura sat beside Lenore on the bed in her temporary quarters. "Dr. McCoy wheeled him through the corridors. The captain managed to sit up for an entire hour. He's resting again, now."

"I...I'm glad." Lenore tried to sound happier, as she had been ten days ago when she learned the captain had awakened. Ten days was a long time to wait to tell someone thank you. It hurt her heart to know she had been refused.

She'd heard that rumor, too. A young nurse and ensign had talked too much, too loudly.

"Hey," Uhura put an arm around Lenore. "I know you wanted to thank him earlier. You needed some time to cope with things, and he did too. I am sorry you've had to wait on this ship to do what your heart tells you."

"I've enjoyed my time on this ship, Lieutenant," Lenore replied with a half-smile. She really had, but again, the waiting had begun to take its toll on her.

"But..." Uhura was very intuitive. "You are unhappy with him."

"I..I..." Lenore began to sob. "What did I do, to make him not want to see me?"

"You've both suffered a traumatic experience."

"There's more to it than that, Lieutenant, I know it," Lenore fussed with cleaning her face with the tissue Uhura handed her.

"I can't speak for the captain," Uhura softly said. "Only he can explain to you why it has taken him time to meet with you."

"Will you be there, when we talk?"

"Ambassador Spock will, and the Commander. Perhaps Dr. Marcus."

"His girlfriend."

Uhura's smile was more of a smirk. "How did you know that."

Lenore couldn't help but giggle. "When Dr. Marcus visited me yesterday, she hardly talked but roamed around my room aimlessly. I knew she had just spent a few hours with him. She does that often."

"And you, Lenore. I've seen you talk with Kevin frequently since you've been on the Enterprise."

"I'm going to have to go back to school, you know. I probably won't ever see him again." It made Lenore sad, thinking of not being around Kevin. Their relationship was only friendship, though. Nothing more.

"Oh, don't be so dramatic," Uhura teased. "If he's as good as a friend as I think he is to you now, I'm certain he will find a way."

"I don't know." Lenore frowned. "I'm confused, Uhura."

"It's natural at your age." Uhura's ponytail flipped back and forth as she shook her head. "It happens still at my age. Try dating a Vulcan."

"He's a nice Vulcan. He's been very cordial to me. I bet he hasn't ever betrayed you." Like Memphis did to me. Like my father.

"Lenore, is Memphis someone you've known when you lived as Kodos' daughter? I had considered that, finding out a bit of your past." The way Uhura tentatively posed the question allowed Lenore to open up more than she wanted to.

"I guess you could say that I "met" him when I was ten, after I came to live with..." Lenore bit back the words 'my father.'

Uhura gently rubbed her back. It relaxed Lenore. She could do this. She could tell someone.

"He didn't know who I was, just as I didn't. He told me a few days ago when Commander Spock let me visit Memphis. He looked awful. He looked guilty. He didn't stop crying. He also asked if I could ever forgive him."

"What did you say?"

"For the most part, when I knew Memphis, I liked the guy. He followed me around lots when I got a little older. I knew he had a crush. Well, it was more of an obsession. Then this...Uhura," Lenore began to cry again. "Memphis wanted me, Uhura. He said he got so blinded by what Sloan was telling him to do that he used Kodos to get to me. He did not want to hurt me. But what makes my heart ache worse is that Memphis has been tormented by whatever Sloan gave him, similar to what happened to Captain Kirk. He hasn't been himself for several years. Now that he is beginning to be himself, thanks to Dr. McCoy's medical expertise, I see that I care for him."

The lieutenant's arms wrapped around Lenore. She'd needed Uhura's friendship. She'd spent several days in a tirade of tears and had not even talked with Uhura until seven days ago. The first few days coming aboard the Enterprise she'd been a mess and barely spoke to anyone.

Lenore allowed the comfort. She desired to stay on the Enterprise, where she felt needed. The ship had grown on her. Her life outside of here was scary, unknown.

"Memphis will have answer to what he did," Uhura said softly. "But, I do know that Captain Kirk is a man of integrity and he cares for Memphis as a friend, even now. He will do what is right for Memphis, Lenore. And he will do what is right for you."

"I am going to miss you, Lieutenant." Lenore stood up. Regaining her composure meant she could leave without looking foolish. It also meant she could stand on her own two feet as she stepped out an orphan. "But I must say, I'm going to miss the Vulcan children even more."

"I see your attachment to them. So does Commander Spock. He wanted to talk to you about that before you left with the Ambassador."

Lenore frowned. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, no." Uhura rushed to say. "He said you have a natural ability working with them and wanted you to consider rethinking your major at the university. Or, attending a different place altogether. Starfleet could use someone with your heart and experience."

"Oh." The thought gave her a glimmer of hope. "Oh."

"I see that I surprised you."

"I...well..." Lenore could not speak.

"You have time. You just began your studies at the university. I'm sure Ambassador Spock could assist you in your decision as well, when you feel up to talking about it."

"I do have to travel back to Earth with him."

"I think that's a perfect time."

"After all...he...my...did to me..." Lenore couldn't smile back at Uhura as she thought of Kodos.

"After all he did to you, you stood up for what was right. You are the type of person we need in Starfleet." Uhura strode to the door, her confidence spilling over to Lenore. "Are you ready? We will wait in the conference room."

Lenore paused. Could she do this after all? She repeated Uhura's comments to herself. It made sense. It really did. Yes, she could meet Captain Kirk. She could stand up for what was right.

Her sense of purpose was returning.

"I will make sure I can be there with you. I have connections." Uhura said lightly. Lenore had already made up her mind, whether or not the lieutenant would be there with her in the room.

Lenore straightened her posture. "Lieutenant, I'm ready."

She'd leave shortly after this meeting, getting on with her life. But first, she needed to let herself heal and tell the man who had rescued her as a child the most simplest of words- thank you. Yet, they held so much meaning, and were heavy on her heart.

Lieutenant Uhura walked with her and they sat in the conference room, waiting for a short while. Ambassador Spock entered first. The commander and captain came in together. Commander Spock pushed the captain's chair and even placed a hand on Captain Kirk's shoulder. Dr. McCoy placed himself right beside the captain and Dr. Marcus stood quietly there as well but made no move to interfere with the first officer's closeness.

Captain Kirk struck an impressive figure even recuperating from his injuries and sitting in a wheelchair. His handsomeness surprised her. She'd only seen him beaten and in chains. His uniform hung on him somewhat, and he still looked tired, despite what Uhura had told her about his resting. However, his eyes went straight for her as he'd entered.

Lenore was taken aback as she stared at them.

A gorgeous, stunning blue they were. Had they always been that way, except for when Kodos had drugged him? Something haunting pressed in her memory about his eyes and a tear slipped down her face.

Uhura squeezed her arm and hung on to her a bit, just as Commander Spock seemed to be comforting the captain.

How could this man be JT? He managed to become a...a...captain? After all he went through.

"You give me hope," Lenore whispered. She could not draw herself from those magnificent eyes, which now filled with tears and overflowed onto his slightly scarred face. Uhura did mention that Revlair's ice did a number on him, face included, and the scarring would need evasive treatment from a newer instrument to be healed.

He drew a hand to his face and before his emotions were hidden, Lenore found herself scrambling out of her own chair and coming to kneel before him. She took hold of his hands- firmly. Lenore knew she was being presumptuous, especially by the reinforcing look the first office gave her.

But she would not move. Captain Kirk did not jerk away from her touch, but stared at her hands on his. He blinked several times and bit his lip as if attempting to school his features. A few tears continued to drift onto his cheeks.

"Captain Kirk...JT...I do not know what to call you, sir," Lenore said.

She waited, for something, for anything, to come from Captain Kirk, that he acknowledged her presence.

"Miss Karidian, you may call me Jim."

It was a start, and probably all she would get from the captain. So she smiled. As big as she could. She could not remember the horrors of what they experienced on Tarsus. She had horrors to last a lifetime now anyways, but some uncanny strength came from within her as she knelt before Captain Kirk. He needed her strength.

"Jim, thank you."

The captain shook his head vehemently. "No. You shouldn't thank me."

"Yes," Lenore would not let anymore time past for her to make him understand. "It was not your fault. I do not blame you."

"No," the captain still flung her thank you back at her. He was not going to make this easy. "I failed you."

"You're stubborn, Jim, but so am I." Lenore leaned even closer, getting him to look at her. "I will pester you day and night until you acknowledge that you saved my life and accept my thank you."

He gave her a crooked smile. "Pester me?

"Yes, sir. And for the next several days I'll have 14 Vulcan children who are willing to pester you also."

Jim narrowed his eyes at her. "I can't forgive myself for what happened to you."

"I am sorry that you cannot, sir," Lenore said honestly. "I hope you can find that closure. Until then, can you accept my thank you. That's all I ask."  
"The Vulcan children are conspiring against me, huh?" Jim slouched in his chair and sighed.

"Yes, sir."

"Jim."

"Yes, sir, Jim," Lenore stood up, lifting her chin. Anything to look like she could hold her own. He was the captain of the Enterprise, after all.

And she merely seventeen.

"Little Red." Everyone but Ambassador Spock and the commander leaned in as Captain Kirk barely spoke the name.

"What?"

"That's what we called you." Jim swallowed. His face became a bit pale. "Little Red, I accept your thank you."

As Jim accepted her words, the others in the room seemed to let out a collective sigh of relief.

Nothing more was said between Lenore and Jim until after Lenore said her goodbyes to Uhura and Dr. Marcus. Ambassador Spock and Commander Spock were leading her from the room when Lenore heard Jim's voice.

"I hope we meet again, Lenore. Under different circumstances." His sincerity caused a skip in her heart.

It was what she wanted, too. "Yes, Jim. I hope so. Someday."

* * *

It hadn't been at all what Jim had expected. Meeting with Lenore. Her resolve astonished him. His own surrender had startled him. When she left with Spock for a few moments to talk before leaving the ship, he felt a sense of pride for her strength. When he was well enough, he'd send her a note. A better note than what he had vocalized.

At least he hadn't embarrassed himself fully.

Jim's fear was real. If it hadn't been for Spock's hand on his shoulder as he faced her, Jim's panic would have become full-fledged.

That hand on his shoulder- Spock's devotion to Jim today caused another root of friendship to grow. When Spock refused to let Bones or Carol push Jim's wheelchair to the conference room, Jim's chest filled with warmth for his first officer.

Spock wasn't human, he did not give Jim a hug like Bones did in the worst of times or share a drink, or the comfort of a smile.

Instead, Spock could sense what Jim needed before Jim voiced it. Just as he did with Lenore. Jim had wanted Spock to be there for him. Spock had seen almost everything. Spock had seen child-Lenore.

In Jim's mind, having Spock's support was logical. Spock had met with the same conclusion.

It was a part of this fledgling friendship with the first officer Jim never wanted to disappear. He'd fight for it, with his life.

But first, he'd like to rest.

"Jim, you're nodding off like an old man."

"It's because you push the wheelchair like one," Jim muttered, feeling a strain in his neck as he tried to rest en route to his quarters. "Still can't find your workout schedule?"

"Just for that, I'm wheeling you back to sickbay."

"Oh, no. No you don't." Jim's eyes flew open. "You promised. My quarters."

"Not yet, kid," Bones grinned.

"You don't smile. If you smile, you're doing something evil." Jim inspected the smile even more. It was truly scary. "What is it?"

"Payback."

Sickbay loomed, literally loomed ahead for Jim. Bones ignored Jim's protests the rest of the way. Bones promptly had Jim placed in the same biobed he'd been occupying for days.

"Bones, this is not funny." Whining sometimes won Bones over and Jim was not above trying it yet again. "Bones, you promised. Come on, Bones."

"It's important, trust me." Bones lifted his PADD.

"Captain, we have something for you." Uhura bounded alongside the bed. Her buoyancy of spirit irritated him.

"Uhura, it's time for my nap." Jim purposely turned away from her and slid his eyes shut.

"Oh, no you don't."

"Carol?" Jim groaned. "Not you, too. Can't a man get some rest? That was draining. I'm tired. Really, I am."

"Nope," Bones said. "Got it."

"Got what?"

"Take a look."

Jim straightened himself around on the bed as best he could. "Of all the things you guys have to do, you bug me when I'm trying to...what the hell!"

Carol and Uhura held purple, pink, and orange bottles of nail polish, open and ready. An adorably happy Joanna McCoy peered right at Jim from a PADD set up on a stand at the end of Jim's bed.

"Pardon Uncle Jim's language, sweetheart," the smug doctor said to his beloved daughter, as he helped Jim sit up in the elevated bed.

"I know, daddy!"

Jim glared at Carol and Uhura. "I know I said I'd do this, on the tape. But, really? Now?"

Uhura shrugged innocently. Carol gave him her usual brilliant smile.

"Uncle Jim, daddy said you're going to have a nail polishing party with me. And then you are going to show all your friends on the bridge."

Jim cleared his throat. He may as well make the best of the situation. "That's right, Joanna, and did your daddy tell you that he's going to have fun with us, too?"

"Daddy! You're going to paint your nails, too? Pink! All pink!"

"This was not how things were supposed to go." Bones growled as Uhura took one of his hands. A pink color now graced the doctor's thumb and index finger. "Why is it you always come out on top, Jimmy?"

"I'm just happy I get a masculine color like orange to go along with the purple," Jim whispered. "Now, what's your problem. Be happy. This is for Joanna."

"Captain, what shall we use first?" Carol asked, her formality a staged front. She proceeded to apply the purple with precision.

"You chose perfectly. I happen to love purple," Jim turned to the PADD, hoping Joanna heard. She did and waved at Jim, as happy as before.

"I'm proud of you, Jim," Carol's tempered her voice, speaking only for him.

She wasn't talking about the five year old's nail polish party. It was a weighted statement, combining Lenore and psychotherapy into one.

"We need you back," she continued.

"I am not doing it for the chair." Jim raised his free hand and tucked it behind her neck. He pulled her close with the little bit of strength he'd regained from therapy. "I am doing it for you, Carol."

Her lips molded to his. He attacked the kiss with abandonment, deepening it with Carol with each second.

Until he realized how young one of the audience was.

"Guess I got carried away, Bones," Jim stammered and broke away from Carol. Joanna giggled. Carol flushed and went back to work, this time using orange.

Bones' expression was stoic for a moment, then it relaxed. "Jim, it's been a long time that I've wanted something like this for you."

The touching confession from Bones caused Jim to look down at his lap. "Bones, I could still mess it up."

"Pretty hands, kid." Bones smirked. "I'm talking about you having pretty hands."

Jim grinned at the usual fashion he and Bones danced around the seriousness of a moment. He'd not have it another other way.


End file.
